Computer Geek Posted March 13, 2013 Author Share Posted March 13, 2013 GuyNamedBob, I don't know your whole story so I can't say whether it's possible or not. Just be aware that we can all have friends of the opposite sex, even close friends, without there ever being interest or intimacy involved. Sometimes people change over time and what they desire out of a partner is no longer being met, so the relationship fizzles at no fault of either person. It may even appear that they are leaving you for someone else when in reality it's that they needed a motivation to leave and it is coincidental that they met someone new. However, that doesn't mean your partner can't also be secretly in love with their close friend even if those feelings aren't mutual. In that case, your partner has to make a choice of whether they are willing to give you up (because the relationship will suffer with her feelings being split) or distance themselves from their close friend and accept that it is for the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gramstar11 Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 My ex was a perfect gentleman in the beginning, we got on so well, had the same sense of humour, same ways of thinking, lots in common and were just so in sync. The curtain started to fall after a while and he revealed a few home truths and i started to see different sides to him. He started to act strange and after a few months he broke up with me through a text message while i was out for my best friends birthday. After a week or so i found out hed been cheating on me for months and had replaced me with her. 4 months later, hes now bought a house with her. And theyre playing happy families, i bumped into him her and her parents in a bar and it was very hard for me. The problem is, and people tell me not to be paranoid, but the truth is is he laughs at me. Because this is the type of person he is. He admits he enjoys power and belittling people. And ive seen him and his friends do it to girls when i was with him. Im the joke now. And i get laughed at, by them, for..... I dont know, but i just do. Probably because im single and havent moved on yet. But i dont want to, i cant deal with anyone just yet. But hes laughing at me and ive also seen him laugh about the fact he broke my heart. How! Please please tell me how i can stop being angry and upset over this horrible man and his new thing. (who was also cheating on her boyfriend, by the way) when i did nothig wrong. I feel like a joke, and to be quite honest some days, i feel like i cant carry on with my life. Im getting depressed and i cant deal with all of this anger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kobe2345 Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I was also dumped by my ex for someone else, honestly the pain hurts more than anything when u find out they date a week or so after u break up with them and all they did was just blame you for everything for how the relationship is not going to work out. The broken heart, the betrayal, the trust, and respect for them all gone. what a cruel thing to do as they leaving the person behind, when all we wanted to do was just be nice and try to salvage the relationship. and after all that, they can even careless about how you feel and wouldn't give a damn about whats going on in your life, while they enjoy their new love. The pain hurts and it sucks more than anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mg22 Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 How do you know he's actually laughing at you?? even if he is i guess its in a sick way of him dealing with guilt ! count your blessings he's no longer a part of your life ! in the meanwhile be thankful, move on and when the time is right you will find someone who wont play these silly idiotic games ! remember just because he laughs at you dosent mean other people do !! anyway you shouldnt care at all !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeFallFeelin Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Hi mg22 ! Haven't seen you around here for a while, but that's probably a good sign ;-) Now come on, you know there are no mistakes. Well, maybe the ex claims it's a mistake once they find out that the grass wasn't greener, but when they leave they're thinking "oh yes, this is 100% what I need to do." He may regret it now, maybe, but unless he's actually come to you and said so, I wouldn't speculate that he's even thinking about it. But rest assured, all of us are hoping that the ex is regretting it! Question i have : what if they made a mistake by dumping you for someone else, are they scared to contact us? my ex dumped me 1 1/2 years ago just wondering if he regrets it and is scared to contact me and find out ive moved on and happy . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mg22 Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Hi mg22 ! Haven't seen you around here for a while, but that's probably a good sign ;-) Now come on, you know there are no mistakes. Well, maybe the ex claims it's a mistake once they find out that the grass wasn't greener, but when they leave they're thinking "oh yes, this is 100% what I need to do." He may regret it now, maybe, but unless he's actually come to you and said so, I wouldn't speculate that he's even thinking about it. But rest assured, all of us are hoping that the ex is regretting it! I guess thats the only hope we have after healing for many months even years ! going NC 100% is the only thing thats helped me survive this nightmare., i still wonder once in a while if they regret hurting us.. no one can ever answer that question.. only the quilty one has that answer. Iam happy to hear from you Free falling, we were in a bad situation then and truly hope you are doing well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuyNamedBob Posted March 14, 2013 Share Posted March 14, 2013 Computer Geek, I do agree with you, I may be adding two and two to make five and seeing only what I 'want' to see. I think she did have very high expectations of the relationship though, and when she realised it required time and effort to build that, she became impatient. She wanted the fairy tale relationship, without the ground work. Once her mind was set that we had been 'just friends' for a while, that was it, signed, sealed and delivered. Maybe she is just friends with this guy, who knows. I don't intend to find out...I've removed her from appearing my Facebook feed, so I'll no longer be bombarded with images, check-ins and statuses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Computer Geek Posted March 14, 2013 Author Share Posted March 14, 2013 Maybe she is just friends with this guy, who knows. I don't intend to find out...I've removed her from appearing my Facebook feed, so I'll no longer be bombarded with images, check-ins and statuses. Yeah, I am just wanting to be careful about generalizing about all situations when the facts are unknown. It's a sad fact that many of the ones who choose to share their hearts with others while in a relationship also choose to lie about it rather than be honest with themselves and their partner. Over time hearts shift and then they come to the realization that they want out, but they know their behaviour and reason for wanting out doesn't look good, so they throw a bunch of excuses and may even shift blame to you in order to make themselves feel good about what they are doing. Unfortunately when the story goes like this they end up causing so much pain it takes a long time to recover for most people, especially if the truth comes out much later. And the amount of deception involved makes it difficult to determine when this kind of thing actually does happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kz91 Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 Words can't describe how **** this feels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kobe2345 Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 What is the fastest way to get over these people?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike80 Posted March 16, 2013 Share Posted March 16, 2013 ^ Lots of liquor, exercise, tears, and time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firesite Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Your situation is almost identical to mine. It sucks that one minute these people can be telling you they love you and miss you, and the next saying they moved on and don't love you anymore. How can you be in love one day and then the next be with someone else. I had made so many excuses for my ex in my head, I didn't want to believe she would ever do anything like this. I feel like I trusted her so much and believed almost anything she would say to. I was a fool, I just hope this won't effect my future relationships and lead to trust issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iamstruggling Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Its been over 3 months since my breakup and i have been really struggling lately especially with false hope that she is in a rebound. It took a picture of her hugging her new guy with rocks arranged saying the word LOVE to crush all hope and my heart for good. I have been pulled down as low as possible now and I have to slowly claw my way back up. 3 months I feel this bad it is going to take a hell of a long time to pull myself together after this. Soooo much pain, she has killed all the trust and love I had in me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kobe2345 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 If they left you for someone else, would you consider a GIGS thing? because what their new partner did was provide something you couldn't provide when ur old relationship was still in place.. and those were the red flags i didn't see lol ALso would u consider giving ur friendship to them when they reach out to u at some point? just curious lol, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markie6 Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 I think in all honesty , being replaced quickly, gives you a fair bit more closure than if you are fed a load of lies ( there's nobody else , I don't know what I want ..etc etc) I know I have found it much easier to move on from the truth of it all , than other times ( like now ) when I have to try and stop my mind unravelling the cords of semi truths and downright lies. Of course some of us take the rejection / ego smash differently. Now I hate the gigs theory, as it encompasses the vast majority of breakups and I see it as a construct for dumpers to cling to in their hopeful phase. They either have found the greener grass or want you gone so they can search for it ... It makes no real difference ( imho) I have learned over the years , that a breakup, no matter how painful and protracted is rarely the end of the world , and normaly over time you get to a point again, when you can say to yourself ( and somebody new ) I have never felt so happy. While you're in the maelstrom , struggling to make sense of the breakup, you cannot see it. We will all get there, one way or another and sooner or later yes it will be for the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonsterM Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Well,my story is different...We had a huge fight at the end and her sister told me she was crying a lot...20 days later we broke up...I never trusted her...and she got on a rebound with a friend of her sisters boyfriend and now she is all over facebook with him...Im hurt but dont show it.I still talk to her sister...it's very hard to move on sometimes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Computer Geek Posted March 25, 2013 Author Share Posted March 25, 2013 If they left you for someone else, would you consider a GIGS thing? because what their new partner did was provide something you couldn't provide when ur old relationship was still in place.. and those were the red flags i didn't see lol ALso would u consider giving ur friendship to them when they reach out to u at some point? just curious lol, It's certainly a type of GIGS because they are inherently putting higher value on something new than on what they currently have. And make no mistake, it's not necessarily the case that someone else is providing something you didn't, it may just be the case that they choose to get that something else from the other person instead. Take my long distance ex, for example. She left me for someone who is in her city and looking back I now recognize the point in time where she stopped making effort to see me in my city and call me. She expected that I would call her always and always come see her. Instead, she would spend time hanging out with others and specifically the new person. She made a choice to do it that way, rather than to call me. I would always call her back when she called and always make arrangements to support her coming to see me when I couldn't see her. It was simply HER choice to let things go. As for friendship, I would have to determine what is best for myself at that point in time. If I am completely over her then I might. We do have a ton of common interests, values, humour, tastes, and were friends for about a year before dating. Otherwise I would just put her under the "extremely casual acquaintance that I would say hi if I came accross" group of people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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