narco Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 I learned so many ways to manage anxiety from her. Things I am able to carry with me for day to day life, even thing that were specific to people in my life that cause me stress. The key is to just be honest but also know that at certain times its your therapist job to push in towards something that might be scary for you. Thanks for the insight about therapy. It's a frightening, alien concept to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narco Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 You know, judgement is one of the things that has made me bottle up everything inside. I'm really afraid of being judged if tell all about the way I am to a family member or a doctor. That fear is really holding me back. Like with another poster, you have provided a valuable insight into how therapy went for you. I've always wondered about what it may be like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narco Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 I gotta say thank you to everyone on this thread. You've been of great help and have made me feel much more relaxed than I was as few hours ago. I will certainly think a lot about phoning the hotline and then perhaps I can try to move on from there. I'm glad I finally joined this site as there are a lot of great people here. It's 2.00AM here so I'm gonna sleep. Thank you to everyone once more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elektra22 Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 You're welcome Narco and thank you for coming here- I'm sure your posts are helping others too. I think you're great also and I am positive that I'm not alone in thinking that. Please come back and good night I hope & pray tomorrow is better for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narco Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 Just thought I'd give an update on my situation: I talked briefly to the suicide hotline. It was actually somewhat of a relief. I didn't reveal everything (in fact I didn't reveal all that much) but just speaking to another person and telling them that I don't have a desire to live anymore was a great weight off my shoulders. I felt okay for about a day after the talk, and then I slumped into the depths of darkness once more. Today is Sunday and since my family is away, I was planning to take my own life today. But I'm torn. I guess it's that survival instinct fighting against what I feel is something that will never end. However, I'm a big basketball fan and my favourite team is playing against their rivals today in what is a huge game. I'm sure deep down I really don't want to die, because i've told myself I can't die today - not without watching such a big game. I'm actually very excited (a rare feeling these days) so I guess that's good in a way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elektra22 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Hi Narco, I'm happy you came back. I'm so glad you reached out to the suicide hotline and found some comfort in confiding to them. That was a wonderful first step and I hope you call them back again and open up some more. You had the strength to do that and I know there is so much more fight left within you. I truly believe deep down you do not want to do this, which is why you are so torn up over it and are struggling constantly. Please explore all the other options you have- I also believe that if you reach out to a doctor and undergo therapy and possibly an antidepressant protocol your whole world and outlook will change. No one wants you to die there are so many joys you cannot possibly imagine that are yours to discover. I hope you enjoy your game and please write back I am here for you, and others as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narco Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 Hey Elektra. Thanks for responding. Yeah, talking on the hotline took a bit of a leap of faith. Like I said before I can be a really closed off person and I'm not good when it comes to exposing my true feelings. You know, I believe the same - about me deep down not wanting to die. I actually do, but sometimes it's just I feel as though there's not really alternative. Sleep is what I look forward to because it's a chance to escape reality, and sometimes when I look think about the thought of suicide I look at it in the same way as sleep. You've been great help so far so I'll seriously think about visiting the doctor and everything else that comes after. Thank you for being so helpful. I appreciate it. I hope you're having a good day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elektra22 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Hey Elektra. Thanks for responding. Yeah, talking on the hotline took a bit of a leap of faith. Like I said before I can be a really closed off person and I'm not good when it comes to exposing my true feelings. You know, I believe the same - about me deep down not wanting to die. I actually do, but sometimes it's just I feel as though there's not really alternative. Sleep is what I look forward to because it's a chance to escape reality, and sometimes when I look think about the thought of suicide I look at it in the same way as sleep. You've been great help so far so I'll seriously think about visiting the doctor and everything else that comes after. Thank you for being so helpful. I appreciate it. I hope you're having a good day. Hi again Narco! I can be a bit of a loner too, so I know how difficult it can be to go out of your comfort zone and seek others' help. You have to realize what you did was so amazing though! What you exhibit and have talked about on here are all classic signs of depression- especially the sleeping part. I know what you mean it's a numbing way to completely shut all your senses off when you slumber. You have to realize though that life is pain, but it is also happiness, it is adversity, but also success. I am sorry right now you are in the depths of despair, but there is light in you still and you will climb your way out of the darkness. You are more than welcome and my afternoon actually is wonderful now thanks to you- you made my whole day! Thank you for just being you, and it truly moves me that you are contemplating further treatment that is just outstanding! I hope you sleep well and please keep in touch! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narco Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 I'm glad I made your day. To be honest speaking with you has made me happier. Even though I'm closed off, I'm starting to realise just how much weight off your shoulders can come about by talking. It really helps I've clogged up so much stuff for so long. I guess I have you and others on this site to thank. I kinda feel stupid now for lurking on here for so long and not joining. I hope you have a good day. It's late at night here, but the b-ball game just kicked off in your country so I'm gonna stay up late. I'll definitely keep in touch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elektra22 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I'm glad I made your day. To be honest speaking with you has made me happier. Even though I'm closed off, I'm starting to realise just how much weight off your shoulders can come about by talking. It really helps I've clogged up so much stuff for so long. I guess I have you and others on this site to thank. I kinda feel stupid now for lurking on here for so long and not joining. I hope you have a good day. It's late at night here, but the b-ball game just kicked off in your country so I'm gonna stay up late. I'll definitely keep in touch. You have no idea what a truly terrific compliment that is thank you and likewise Don't feel stupid I was a complete lurker myself and I've seen countless others on here that are in the same boat before they decide to post. I want to thank you for not giving up and uplifting myself and others on here too. My bad I figured you were going to sleep because you're in the UK, hope it's a good & thrilling game. I will make sure to keep praying for you and being here then because you absolutely matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narco Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 You have no idea what a truly terrific compliment that is thank you and likewise Don't feel stupid I was a complete lurker myself and I've seen countless others on here that are in the same boat before they decide to post. I want to thank you for not giving up and uplifting myself and others on here too. My bad I figured you were going to sleep because you're in the UK, hope it's a good & thrilling game. I will make sure to keep praying for you and being here then because you absolutely matter. To be honest I SHOULD be asleep. Got an early start at college tomorrow (well today, actually) and I didn't sleep well last night so I'm very tired. But I can't until after the game And it means a lot that you're keeping me in your prayers. It's very kind of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elektra22 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 To be honest I SHOULD be asleep. Got an early start at college tomorrow (well today, actually) and I didn't sleep well last night so I'm very tired. But I can't until after the game And it means a lot that you're keeping me in your prayers. It's very kind of you. I'm a total insomniac myself nighttime is when I feel the most alive my mother is convinced I am part vampire. Very cool college is quite the undertaking. What kind of degree are you studying for? It's easy to pray for you because you are worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narco Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 Haha your mom thinking you're part vampire made me laugh. And I'm studying journalism. It's okay, but I kinda regret not choosing to study creative writing or videogame design/writing instead. My friend is doing the former degree and she loves every bit of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elektra22 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 That's awesome cuz I love making others laugh I should have known by your grasp of the English language it was something along those lines- I recall mentioning something early in the beginning of your thread about how well spoken you were. Well, you can always change your major it's never too late. Journalism sounds fascinating too though. I'm actually going back to school this fall myself after having been out for a few years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narco Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 You flatter me But thanks. It's always nice when someone compliments me on English. And yeah, I'm seriously considering changing. There are a lot of aspects I like about journalism but chasing someone up for an interview just ain't for me - particularly because I've become very introverted recently. Cool that you're going back to school. What are you gonna study? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elektra22 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Anytime, you are welcome as always You should follow your bliss I am an absolute believer in finding happiness wherever you can. If that degree is your passion then go for it! Ha ha you're going to think I'm a mega geek now I have a BS in Biology (with a concentration in cellular & molecular) and I'm pursuing an advanced one on top of that so that I can become a medical laboratory scientist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narco Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 Anytime, you are welcome as always You should follow your bliss I am an absolute believer in finding happiness wherever you can. If that degree is your passion then go for it! Ha ha you're going to think I'm a mega geek now I have a BS in Biology (with a concentration in cellular & molecular) and I'm pursuing an advanced one on top of that so that I can become a medical laboratory scientist. Haha oh my word! I don't think you're a geek - I think you're incredible. Wow. I'm really impressed. I feel inadequate in the face of such intellect lol. Other than high school biology (which is basically common sense) I suck at science in general. Although I do have a growing passion for space and that involves a lot of stuff about physics. So, have you always been a scientist at heart? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elektra22 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Ahhh now it's my turn to offer humble thanks. It's not like I'm a rocket scientist or anything of that nature- it's just kind of a mouthful to say is all. Ha ha I'm sure your academic prowess is quite legendary in its own right. I have always been a science junky, and biology was & is my absolute favorite nerd passion of all time, although forensic science is a close second. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narco Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 Academic prowess? Me? Nope, nothing of the sort.. The biology we studied at mandatory school was basic. It was only the transition to sixth form (don't know if you guys have sixth form - it's the two years in school before university) that was hard. That was a real shocker to all of us who aced the basic biology because the sixth form biology took it up many levels. Needless to say I and many dropped out of that in the first semester lol. It's really cool that you have a passion for that. It sounds cliche but people in your profession are what have taken mankind as far as it is. You're joining a very honourable profession for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elektra22 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 No we do not have that over here in the US- it's really interesting how different cultures vary scholastically and otherwise though. That is a very generous thing to say so thank you bunches again. English is a very difficult language to master and it has brought much enlightenment, culture, enjoyment, and artistic & creative splendor to the world as well, so please do not shortchange yourself. I believe that no matter which occupation you choose to pursue whether it's journalism, creative writing, or the videogame/design writing, you will succeed in your endeavor because you already have such a strong foundation and are more than capable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narco Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 No we do not have that over here in the US- it's really interesting how different cultures vary scholastically and otherwise though. That is a very generous thing to say so thank you bunches again. English is a very difficult language to master and it has brought much enlightenment, culture, enjoyment, and artistic & creative splendor to the world as well, so please do not shortchange yourself. I believe that no matter which occupation you choose to pursue whether it's journalism, creative writing, or the videogame/design writing, you will succeed in your endeavor because you already have such a strong foundation and are more than capable. Thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot. I believe you'll really do well in your respective field, too, Doctor Anyway it's real late here - my eyelids feel as heavy as metal so I'm gonna crash. It's been really nice chatting with you and I hope to keep in touch. Thank you for all the great advice you've given me. Have a good night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elektra22 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 You are very welcome Narco. Thank you for the fun & engaging chat. It is so spectacular to see your spirits lifted and looking to the future. I hope tonight you sleep much better and tomorrow is full of hope & possibilities for you. Please write whenever you feel like it- I enjoy hearing from you and I'm sure other lurkers do too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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