Seriously so confused, is she playing mind games?

[getupkid]

Today she didn't text me asking how I was feeling like I thought she would so I asked her what was up and she said she was having a really busy, bad day at work. I told her I hope her day gets easier, but I noticed she had time to be on instagram and facebook so I just asked if she really is just playing games or leading me on. I asked because she literally was talking to me all day yesterday to the point where conversation was how it was when we dated to not acting like she cares that I'm actually really sick. I put her work situation into consideration and wasn't rude but I had to figure out where I stood because I'm tired of not standing up for myself. She denied both playing games and leading me on and said she just gets urges to want to talk to me so she does but claims there's no motive behind it. This makes no sense to me because she was telling me last night to listen to this Lana Del Rey song and we were texting the lyrics back and forth. She was saying how her friend is gonna teach her butt exercises so when I see her she'll have a Nicki Minaj butt (a joke obviously) and even mentioning seeing each other to get songs for her ipod from me. I brought up again that if she knows I don't want to be friends then what does she want from me and she kept saying "I don't know, I'll just leave you alone," or "I don't want to be confusing you." So I just said well then we shouldn't talk anymore and that will be the last she hears from me, thanks for everything and I'll miss her, her response was just "I'll miss you too."

 

I feel like that's the worst closure I ever got like it was fake and she didn't know how to handle the situation any other way. I deleted her off facebook and unfollowed her on instagram just so I don't have to see her. Really what I'm doing is hoping that she really needs some time without me completely, so she has room to miss me and that it will clear her head that way instead of having me as a text buddy. She knows how I feel and should know I proved what she means so I feel like my job is finished now the rest is up to her, but I just can't sit and keep wondering when progress will happen, if at all.

 

Any thoughts?

[Ms Darcy]

My previous advice still stands.

[getupkid]

My previous advice still stands.

 

I took your advice in mind Ms Darcy and thank you. I guess my fear always is the second I let go, somebody like her will think "oh see he didn't want me after all" and move on to the next guy when really I was taking a step back so we both can heal and potentially start a little fresh. Life is about taking risks so that is what I'm doing. I'm hoping she breaks contact first and I feel like she will. If she does I will tell her if she has something she wants to say to meet me in person, or at the very least call if she isn't available, no more of this texting because it's still hurting us.

 

One thing I must admit is I don't think she really knows what she's doing. She's younger than I and hasn't been in many relationships, few were serious, only mine and her ex 6 years ago come to mind. That one her ex cheated on her with her best friend than me, who she said at times I reminded her of the negative sides of that ex. I feel like she doesn't know how to handle our situation or her emotions or when to be hot or cold because I've never had a woman confuse me this much before.

 

Again thank you, I hope this will end up paying off in the end because I still feel very strongly for her and would hate to have lost her for good but I couldn't just sit and wait any longer. Any other advice is more than welcome!

[Ms Darcy]

The pay-off is you moving on. No matter what, the old relationship is over. Whether you can build a new one remains to be seen.

 

But you need some time and distance to really grow from this experience. When you come back into her life, you need to come back with "alpha" confidence. You don't cow to her; you don't question yourself; you know what you want; and you go after it respectfully.

[getupkid]

The pay-off is you moving on. No matter what, the old relationship is over. Whether you can build a new one remains to be seen.

 

But you need some time and distance to really grow from this experience. When you come back into her life, you need to come back with "alpha" confidence. You don't cow to her; you don't question yourself; you know what you want; and you go after it respectfully.

 

Exactly, I hope to get her back still. I just don't want her to know that's how I'm thinking right now. When she spoke to my best friend last week he claims she said she wants to come back into this relationship with both of us on a clean slate, so we can start on the right foot and be happy without the old baggage. This time apart will help obviously, hopefully she doesn't leave forever. What still confuses me is when I grilled my best friend about what she was saying he claims that "she basically said she's going to date you again just doesn't know right now and needs time to think." With her reaction to me today I wonder how true that really was. Oh well.

[Ms Darcy]

You really don't know what is going on in her head. Talking to others will only mess you up because they don't know either.

 

Hell SHE won't know how she feels in a month.

 

I would just wait and see.

[getupkid]

You really don't know what is going on in her head. Talking to others will only mess you up because they don't know either.

 

Hell SHE won't know how she feels in a month.

 

I would just wait and see.

 

I am. I feel that after I let everything out in person and continued to be patient and supportive that I can keep to myself now without feeling like I 'missed something.' I did appreciate my friend asking her because he did without me saying anything but still what she told him she's told me so let's see how she feels a month or so from now, if anything.

[getupkid]

it'll be a week tomorrow that my ex and I haven't spoken and went NC and it's killing me. the first couple days were normal but the last weekend and now I can't stand not knowing what's up. I feel like I never wanted somebody or something more in my life but to be back with her. I don't know if because I know Im the one who messed up or if i ever had a chance to get her back if going no contact now is the right way, for us both to have clear heads. I keep hoping she'll be the one who breaks contact since I'm the one who initiated it but I don't know if she even misses me or is already over it and moving on.

[LonelyGirl10]

This thread kinda reminded me of a girl's version of your story. Just thought it might help you.

 

 

[getupkid]

This thread kinda reminded me of a girl's version of your story. Just thought it might help you.

 

]

 

 

Yeah very similar, I just wish it were at that point now. I'm losing my mind thinking about all this, I just have no answers or any rational thought on the situation. I wish, or at least wish I knew if there were mutual feelings like this between my ex and I.

 

I went "no contact" only because she says she doesn't want a relationship right now so after failing to get her back by being nice and patient, I'm hoping a couple weeks without me speaking to her will clear both of our heads. We haven't stopped talking completely since our breakup about two months ago, she always kept in touch, up until last Tuesday when she texted me all day while I was home sick. Her intentions look like she may still have, or had, feelings for me and after some time, would end up with me again. But her words say she doesn't want a relationship and to "let her come to me" and now we aren't talking at all and who knows if she misses me or wants to talk to me now, or will again. Its like she goes from showing she wants me, to showing she's over me by being ok I haven't talked to her at all in a week, the longest we ever gone without talking. I keep hoping she'll just text me and say that she's been thinking of me and missing me but I don't think it'll happen.

[getupkid]

ok so I HAD to bring this thread up and get some pointers because it's driving me crazy and I cannot, for the life of me, get my mind off it.

 

So me and my girl went 2.5 weeks of No Contact, I broke contact two saturdays ago because I wanted to look at her instagram and saw a picture of some guy and a picture of him previously. I have the mentality that I'll sleep better knowing if she has a new bf or if he isnt, I can't sleep not knowing. So I messaged her on facebook and asked, "new bf?" she answered instantly and said its her friend kristens boy and said she doesn't know why I care if she has a new bf or not because I said I didn't want to talk to her anymore. I just said I dunno and kept it short and light. She texted me the following weds at 7 am asking why I messaged her Saturday, and I just said because I wanted to. Last friday I started texting her again, I already broke contact so why not. I found out she hangs out with this kid I used to be friends with who is a huge dirtbag, drug addict, womanizing man-***** and all of his friends always stop hanging out with him, none of that is exaggerated. I asked why she's friends and hangs out with him and she said because she hangs out with other friends too. I told her all about him and she said she knew, that he is just a friend and she doesn't see him as anything more and would never hook up with him. Last Sunday we talked and she said he actually kissed her because she drove him home after a party and was too drunk to drive home (over an hour away from him) but didn't stay the whole night. I asked if she slept with him and that it was fine to be honest and literally from then until now she denies it and gives me reasons why, she gave me the speech about not sleeping with guys unless she likes them and sees it going somewhere. I keep bringing it up because I feel like she may just be hiding it and that the way he is he took advantage of her until she gave in, because she was drunk. She still claims he's not a "makeout buddy" and she doesn't like him or would ever date him, that he's just her friend, she can't stress it enough apparently.

 

Anyway why I wrote this long story is because since we started texting again I've been getting a little flirty with her. I mentioned going out for drinks one night and she asks "why?" but doesn't say no. I say things like I wish you'd come over and she just asks why again but when I say other stuff she will say "you said you don't have feelings for me, don't want to date me, but want me to come over? I'm confused." I told her that because I didn't want to be so forward. Today I said I want to go to Atlantic City, which is about an hour south from me. She said to go but I said "come" and she asks when and just her and I but I said we can go with another couple we're friends with, and she said sure. If she'd follow through and actually go is beyond me but what also is if she's over me why not just tell me to move on, or that ignore me or just say "no!" to me asking her to hang out. Also I should add when we have these conversations she acts very reluctant and slightly *****y, but still won't turn me down. Even when I asked about her coming over she was like "I dunno what would we do?" I asked her straight up so I can leave her alone if she is talking with that scumbag kid, last night actually. Her response was "uggggghhhhhhh. NO!" and further elaborated for the 100th time...she always answers my questions, never ignores or tells me to leave her alone.

 

Now, my point in my actions is I'm detached from her enough that I'm not desperate for her, that I can hang out with her as a friend and see what happens. But what I think is during our relationship we never really went out, never really had fun, so by going out actually being active, having a good time I think she may see a side of me she never has and help our situation. I do still have feelings for her, but like I said i'm just more detached.

 

So from a girl's point of view if possible, what is she thinking? I mean she'll talk, answer me, tell me what I ask even if she will say it's not my business she'll answer anyway, agrees to hang out, doesn't disregard suggestions of coming over, etc. Claims she isn't seeing this kid or have plans to do anything else sexually. Still won't tell me to go away, move on, leave her alone or anything. And at the same time will be *****y, short and won't usually text me. I'll also add she keeps accusing me of only wanting to hang out because I found out she's friends with that kid and that I wouldn't want to otherwise. I feel like I'm being friendzoned but she's being so reluctant and showing way different feelings than I'd think she would if she were over me.