getupkid Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 May I ask who broke up with who in your relationship? I'm just wondering if you broke up with him, and then ended up taking him back or if you took him back after he broke up with you. From what I read it always seems like a big difference. I jump to conclusions too much and I pray that she really does care like you say but is just too afraid or has too much pride to show it. Today she started arguing that she doesn't text me because it always goes back to talking about our relationship and she's tired of texting that. I don't mean to it just always ends up leading there. I kept my temper and played it cool and things lightened up. She said she deleted that kid's instagram comment and told me because it pissed me off, and she posted a picture on instagram as a "throwback" with me, her and two of our other friends. But I texted her saying she looks gorgeous in one of her pictures and she kinda brushed it off and said that I used to look at other girls when we dated. This is untrue but I guess it's what she thought so we argued more and this time she kept telling me she's sick of this texting and that she doesn't want a relationship and doesn't want one with me and to forget about seeing her Sunday. I still, God knows how, played it cool and stayed positive. We agreed to still meet Sunday even though I feel like it's not going to work out how I'd like. I'm still going to go with confidence and pour my heart out. But do you think that she said all that stuff about her and I not getting back together because she just got that pissed off when she makes it clear me texting about that constantly drives her crazy? She even mentioned when it calmed down again that I keep saying I want to talk in person than change my mind so you we're right about that. The stuff she said this week and today are so contradicting it's hard to understand what's going on. The female opinions I'm getting are very helpful because women think differently than guys and also can think commonly. Again I'm very appreciative of this help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getupkid Posted March 9, 2013 Author Share Posted March 9, 2013 Also I meant to add this to the first post but forgot and can't edit. I dunno if she's actually jealous or playing it off but last night I posted a picture on instagram from a few years ago of me and a female friend I had, somebody I was never intimate with or romantic. My ex didn't come out and say it today but amidst conversation she brought up the picture stating I probably hooked up with her but she "didn't care." I denied any accusation and she said "she's ugly anyway." I jokingly called her Mrs Jealousy and she told me she wasn't jealous and not to flatter myself. I don't know why she would of brought it up in the first place if she wasn't jealous but for something not so important why not admit jealousy? Also after we had the argument and she kept telling she didn't want me or anything I had to offer (when she was pissed off) and we ended it with what I said in the last post she had a personal trainer appointment at the gym she recently signed up for. After she was done she texted me saying how intense it was. I was being very nice back saying I'm proud of her and that I love her body the way it is but if that's what makes her happy then to keep it up and I'll support her. She commented saying I like girls with perfect bodies and who are prettier. I just told her that I don't care what she believes but she's the most beautiful girl to me and even if she gained 60 lbs I'd still feel the same. She said thanks if I really mean it. Then more normal talk for a few minutes and that was it. I just don't get it. One minute she says she doesn't want to be with me because of the past and she's tired of us texting about our relationship and that she doesn't care for me to tell her how I feel in person because it's not what she wants. Then the next after she calms down she'll text me telling me about her gym session and on other days about me being a man and telling her how I feel to her face. I just don't get if she is playing mind games, putting up and letting down her defenses because she doesn't want to be hurt, or if she really doesn't want a relationship and is afraid to tell me when she isn't angry? I feel like if she really wanted me gone she would say straight up and it doesn't make sense for her to keep me on the back burner when it doesn't seem like she's even trying to find somebody else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getupkid Posted March 12, 2013 Author Share Posted March 12, 2013 hopefully I can get some advice since I haven't received any in a few days. I met with her yesterday after work. she texted me earlier asking how work was and didn't even bring up meeting until I did. we went for a walk and she was telling me about her gym routines w this female trainer and how good she feels and stuff. this was the first time I've seen her since we broke up. it was chilly so we sat in my car and talked for almost 2 hours, letting each of our side of the story out. we had to cut it bc she was already late for her trainer. we established that we came into the relationship both holding insecurities from our previous relationships, hers being from years ago and mine being from 3 years ago. we both agreed this lead to trust issues (more with her than me) and finally communication issues and that we wouldn't be in this position if we talked about stuff in person sooner. ultimately she said she's confused because we're on two differen pages and that she doesn't know what the future holds for us because she doesn't want this to happen again. we left it on that but as soon as she left she texted me saying how late she was to her trainer, being nice and calling me funny names. she gave me my birthday presents finally and they were really personal and meaningful so I got really upset and actually started crying. I said thank you for them and said they made me upset bc they were thoughtful. her response was "I thought you weren't sad about us already and would have moved on, not saying you should have but I figured you would." I said no and she apoloized for crying in front of me while we talked in person. she also texted me that she hopes I feel closer to her after talking and I said closer for what because I feel like I lost everything and she just said "shh" like dont think that or something? I don't know. but after she was texting like normal, like she was in a good mood and everything. when I went to bed I texted her saying I wish she was sleeping next to me and she said she's sorry she couldn't be. I asked her if she will be again and she just said "I can't tell you if I will." a few minutes later she said goodnight because she was sick and going to bed, which was the first time she's said goodnight since we broke up, I didn't respond. so I don't know if our talk gave her closure to move on finally and now she sees me as a friend or if she feels better about hearing how I really feel in person and just needs time to think it through? I don't want to ask her to pressure her so Im hoping I can get some advice, maybe from a female perspective to help me sort this out a little. thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LonelyGirl10 Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 I think she needs time to think about it. It sounds like your conversation went really well. Give her time, and do not pressure her for a decision. Keep sending sweet things to her. Actions speak so much louder than words. Show her that you care. It really sounds to me like she wants you back, but has serious trust issues. That will just take time and patience to get over.. If you really want to be with her, then just be patient. Show her you care. Ask to see her again. Treat her special. She will slowly learn to trust you again, and she will open up to you. As for your question about my situation, he broke up with me. But, it was kinda similar to your situation. He was depressed, and wasn't treating me good for the last month we were together. He was really distant. So he ended things because he didn't want to treat me bad. In your situation, she ended things because she was tired of you treating her bad. She's probably worried that if she gets back together with you, you'll treat her bad again. I'm worried that my ex will treat me bad again. I'm actually back together with my ex right now. He was very persistent the last time he decided he wanted to get back together. He showed up at my office. He showed up at my house, and sat outside in the rain for 2 hours until I let him inside. I was texting him to go home, and I even told him that I never wanted to see him again. But, honestly, I did want to see him. I was just scared. I was scared to feel something for him again, and scared he would disappear again. So, I'm pretty sure I gave a lot of mixed signals to him. Now that we are back together, he says that I'm acting distant. It's hard. I'm still scared, so I guess I don't text him that I love him as much. But then I get really hurt if he doesn't text me good morning or goodnight. I want to trust him again though, and I do love him. Your girl might be going through the same type of thing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getupkid Posted March 12, 2013 Author Share Posted March 12, 2013 thank you and I hope you're right. she even texted me this morning asking why I didn't respond at all to her texting me goodnight and I just said I was sleeping. thing is I don't want to get too comfortable texting and being nice if she does want to just be friends, I don't wanna hint that Im ok with that. but at the same time I don't want to sound cold in case she is thinking still. I guess I can be civil without being short. I won't pressure her about our relationship either. as for you I'm glad you're both together again but coming from a guys perspective, were not all untrustworthy. he may need to prove it to you but when and if you slowly do build trust, let him know he's doing something right. I hope it all works out and thank you again. I'm sure you'll see me here if Im mind boggled again haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LonelyGirl10 Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Dude, she broke up with you because you weren't giving her enough attention. The ONLY way you're going to get her back is if you give her a lot of attention. Don't pull away from her now. Text her a ton. Tell her good morning. Send a mid afternoon text saying you're thinking about her. Text her goodnight. Send a sweet email saying all the things you like about her. If you just be civil with her, you will lose her. I don't think you're understanding what I'm trying to tell you. I think you could very easily get this girl back if you just try. My ex sometimes gives the "I was asleep" excuse for not responding. When a girl gets that excuse, what she thinks is that you did not think about her before you went to sleep. That excuse sucks. It makes me feel like he doesn't care about me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getupkid Posted March 12, 2013 Author Share Posted March 12, 2013 you're right but she's just weird about the whole friend-thing, like she seems ok with forgetting we dated and just being friends. at least she makes it seem that way. I'll start texting her more it I feel like it's going to annoy her, I'll see how it works because it's worth a shot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LonelyGirl10 Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 you're right but she's just weird about the whole friend-thing, like she seems ok with forgetting we dated and just being friends. at least she makes it seem that way. I'll start texting her more it I feel like it's going to annoy her, I'll see how it works because it's worth a shot. I was actually annoyed when my ex started texting me more too. But he kept doing it, and he won me over. The key is persistence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getupkid Posted March 12, 2013 Author Share Posted March 12, 2013 I was actually annoyed when my ex started texting me more too. But he kept doing it, and he won me over. The key is persistence. What just makes me afraid of being persistent is I know my ex will be nice or at least, civil. But I can't not think that while she may be nice and respond normally, that she is telling herself that I'm wasting my time and that she doesn't want to take me back. Or in other words maybe not knowing how to tell me to move on if she still would want me as a friend, she loves having many friends after all. I'm very pessimistic as you can tell. What I do hope however, is that while she stayed with me while not being so sure if I even liked her (she said this yesterday) that me telling her to her face how much she means to me in great detail will actually start her heart back up. I keep wondering if that's why she seemed happy when she was texting me afterwards, but who knows, she's a hard nut to crack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getupkid Posted March 14, 2013 Author Share Posted March 14, 2013 ok so I texted her today, just said good morning and hope she's having a good day and was just thinking of her. she was nice and just said hey how are you and she hopes I'm having a good day as well. she texted me again saying she was sick and we talked about that then I just said I hope she feels better soon and she said "thanks boooooger" something she always used to call me. that was it, so an hour or so later I texted her that I wanted more of the comics that she got me one of for my bday and she told me she has a couple. I said I liked it but she didn't say anything else. I seriously feel like this became a lost cause after our talk Monday. it's like I don't expect overnight success but she's giving me nothing back really, she talked more than before our talk it seems. yesterday we didn't say anything to each other at all either. I don't know if I should keep texting or if it really makes a difference. obviously only she knows what she's thinking but is this how you acted at first lonelygirl? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getupkid Posted March 15, 2013 Author Share Posted March 15, 2013 ok so I hate that I have to keep making new posts instead of editing old ones. well her and I talked last night and she was being short bc she worked a second shift until 8. I again asked her if I should just move on bc I haven't heard anything from her about how she she feels after the talk we had. and as usual she won't tell me to move on but instead told me to stop pushing her and for me to wait for her to come to me. she also said she's been thinking about our talk since we had it. I was getting annoyed and said that I'm just being a fool and she's just staying single to see what else is there and then will come back once she's bored or can't find something better. I also said bc this has happened with my last ex. she told me she can't ask me to wait but she isn't looking for anybody else and to not compare her to anybody bc this situation isn't anything like that. I just hope that she is still processing all this but keeping her defense up. she says she believes me when I tell her how I feel and that she just needs to be alone still and for us to talk normally. this morning she texted me saying she won't hide her feelings from me because the night before I said if she has them to not try and suppress them inside. I just don't know if that means she has no feelings anymore or if she is still thinking and confused. should I just be there for her and not bother her about our relationship and do what she says and let her come to me? or should I just forget it and move on? whenever I bring that up she seems to be upset about it.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LonelyGirl10 Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 I think you were on the right track with this post, and your behavior. Yes, that is how I reacted at first. I responded to him, but I was wary. I didn't want to immediately jump back in because I was scared of getting hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LonelyGirl10 Posted March 15, 2013 Share Posted March 15, 2013 You are acting just like my ex. It's so similar that it's almost scary. I think you screwed up by bringing up the relationship stuff again. You need to just text her and invite her out on a date, without bringing up the relationship. She wants you back. But I think she wants time to see that you have changed before she commits herself to you again. And honestly, I don't blame her. My advice to you is this. Go three weeks of just texting nice things to her. Do not bring up the relationship at all. Treat her the way you would if you had never met her before, and you were trying to "woo" her for the first time. Do the things that you did the first time you met her. See her as a prize, and work towards "winning" her. Ask her on a date. DO NOT BRING UP THE RELATIONSHIP. Just go three weeks of pretending that you just met her. I bet you anything that, if you can do this without freaking out or bringing up the relationship, she will bring up the relationship before the end of those three weeks. If I'm wrong, and she doesn't bring it up in three weeks, then she either doesn't know what she wants (and you should move on), or she's using you (and you should move on). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getupkid Posted March 15, 2013 Author Share Posted March 15, 2013 I really value your input here haha and I'm like your ex because we're both men and braindead. Reason why I keep posting here is she keeps throwing me all over. I think I'll have her figured out then she does something to contradict that, and so on. After the first morning text which was a reply from what I said last night, she texted me like normal asking how work was and stuff. But I will do as you and one other suggested and not bring "us" up and just be how I normally would be because my ex does say how much it pisses her off. I know most other guys would already throw the towel in but I just have this gut feeling that I shouldn't. Especially when this is a first that a girl breaks up with me and HASN'T moved on yet and still chooses to talk to me. One thing I had noticed is these past couple weeks the way she texts me was how I had mentioned before "cocky" like she knew she had control over me. Lately, basically after our talk last Monday, she seems almost upset or timid. I don't know if this shows any significance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getupkid Posted March 17, 2013 Author Share Posted March 17, 2013 I keep posting here so I can, for one, vent my confusion, and not text my ex about it. So I apologize if I keep bringing up nothing haha. I feel like I should concentrate on moving on but if she gets in contact then I'll take it from there. Friday I talked to her early in the day when she asked how work was and stuff but not at all Friday night, when my band played a show. The next morning I woke up to a text from her asking how the show was. I told her it was a lot of fun and she asked how come and I just said that it was great and asked how her night was. She told me it wasn't good because she drank gin for the first time and got sick, all I said back was "oh, sucks" because I had nothing else. She didn't say anything back and didn't text me at all the rest of the day, but I texted her like 7 hours later asking what's up. She just said she was watching something and asked what I was doing and I told her I was at a bar but leaving and she just said oh have fun, I'm going to the gym. After that she said nothing and I haven't heard from her since. She was posting on facebook last night and today that she made a twitter which I thought was a little weird as well. But I just get no emotion back from her, just cold feelings so I really feel like this is a lost cause. When I text her I get the "not interested" vibe off her. But what confuses me is my best friend told me he texted her a few days ago, maybe Wednesday or Thursday. He told me that he hasn't seen me upset this much over a girl ever and that I'm aware I dropped the ball and that I really am trying all I can to make this work. He told me she said that she knows and that she cares for me a lot but just needs time right now to clear her head before she can go back out with me, that it wouldn't be smart to just jump back in. I understand her point but why be so cold to me? I remember reading so far about her defense and her being wary but she just doesn't show anything at all, I'd think if you cared about somebody it would be hard to not show emotion like she is. It's like she forgot about me overnight and that was it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paradisa Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Sounds like she had completely checked out of the relationship for a while before she left. That's why she doesn't show much emotion still. She didn't forget about you. She obviously still cares a lot about you. Just take it easy. I think you can get this girl back, but you need to be able to show her she can trust you and give her some attention, ie: change the problems you initially had. If she drank too much gin, sure you can say that sucks but throw in a 'hope you feel better', 'can I do anything to help you feel better', throw in something with it! You've already gotten a lot of great advice in this thread, keep using it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getupkid Posted March 17, 2013 Author Share Posted March 17, 2013 Sounds like she had completely checked out of the relationship for a while before she left. That's why she doesn't show much emotion still. She didn't forget about you. She obviously still cares a lot about you. Just take it easy. I think you can get this girl back, but you need to be able to show her she can trust you and give her some attention, ie: change the problems you initially had. If she drank too much gin, sure you can say that sucks but throw in a 'hope you feel better', 'can I do anything to help you feel better', throw in something with it! You've already gotten a lot of great advice in this thread, keep using it. I really feel grateful for all the advice I'm getting, it's all positive and realistic. I've really been keeping a very low key in my life, most she will notice I'm sure. I'm not attempting to talk to other women, not trying to take advantage of being single basically because that wouldn't be fair after what I had told her already. I'm sure she's already seen a change, when we talk I've been more silly and confident, and taking it day by day (if we talk) to not bring up something annoying me or our relationship. I don't really think I'm in a position to try and push her back towards me and that wouldn't be fair, because after all she didn't do anything wrong to me during our relationship. The balls in her court and she knows that I'm willing to play ball so I'm trying to be patient, it just gets harder when I get brief, cold conversations from her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LonelyGirl10 Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 You say that her responses to you are cold, but honestly yours are a little cold too. When she said she got sick, you could have asked if she was feeling better or offered to get her soup or something. And when you texted her that you were at a bar, she probably felt jealous. Afterall, one of her fears is that you will meet someone else. You could have said something like "at a bar, but wish I was with you." And when she said she was going to the gym, you should have replied back to that with something sweet like "you don't need to go to the gym." You have to flirt with her. She's probably seeing your messages as being cold too. You've gotta realize that girls are way more emotional than guys are. My advice is to flirt more, but still don't bring up the relationship status. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getupkid Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 that sort of stuff I've been doing all along. she told me Thursday she was sick and I said "I'll bring you soup and emergen-c" and all she said was haha emergen-. and I've been telling her I'm proud she keeps up with going to the gym but she is perfect how she is, it just seems like she thinks I'm just sweet talking her. on one of her Instagram pictures today I called her beautiful and she texted me saying thank you and I just said no need to thank me cookie, I always called her cookie. she sent a smiley back then that was about it. I just get afraid she is trying to meet new people now and that's why she doesn't text me and is cold when she does, but my responses are also the same so you're right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getupkid Posted March 18, 2013 Author Share Posted March 18, 2013 I'm offically, or so I'd like to believe, attempting to move on. To me her actions are just screaming "I'm over this but we can still be friends" when before we had our in person talk she acted way different. she still only texts if she has a reason but it's seldom and when I text her i just feel like I'm texting one of my guy friends. i told her last night i was sick and she seemed concerned but didnt ask if i was feeling better today or anything so i just dont think she cares anymore. outside of "us" she seems to be happier and I assume because she's over this whole thing now and I guess maybe our talk gave her that closure. it just seems like no matter what I do I'll be stuck in the same position with her not getting anywhere. she is showing me no signs of progress of moving forward at all. so this is me trying to get on with my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LonelyGirl10 Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 You obviously know the situation better than anyone on here does. I think you're giving up too soon, but I only know what you've told me. Good luck, and hope everything works out for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getupkid Posted March 19, 2013 Author Share Posted March 19, 2013 that's the problem, I don't know the situation, what she wants or what she's doing and she's giving me no clues. today or example; she won't say anything to me via text but liked an Instagram picture I posted, two Facebook statues I posted and commented on another, I feel like she just wants to be friends. I posted lyrics today that say "I won't come back, hope someday you understand. I want to try and make things right, don't know if I can," and she liked it. I feel like she liked that bc it's how she feels about me or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getupkid Posted March 20, 2013 Author Share Posted March 20, 2013 Ok so now I've been thrown a curveball. I mentioned that yesterday on Monday she was all into liking my statuses on facebook and picture on instagram. Today I stayed home from work because I have the flu and she texted me at 7 am asking how I was feeling. Since I was sick I couldn't sleep so we talked a lot. She was saying she wishes I would go to the doctor and stop sleeping with my air conditioner on and I asked her to come take care of me and she said she would. I doubt she would have but I said I wouldn't want to get her sick but she said she still was from last week. She was at work so she'd only have a few times to text me so I'd fall back asleep after answering her and an hour or two later she'd text me about something else. One time asking if she can use my itunes because her ipod deleted all her music and she didn't have any. And around 7 she texted me again with just an iphone emoji thing. I just don't know what this means. Today was the longest she's ever talked to me in one day since we broke up and she seems happy over all, including on facebook commenting on our friends stuff. I dunno if she finally let go and just sees me as a friend now and that's what she's trying for or if she has been thinking about us and sees that I haven't been the same. I don't know how to just come out and ask her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 To be honest, and it's just me, but I would tell her that I care for her however, the breakup was painful and I need to heal from it. I would end contact with her for a month or two then call (not text) when you feel better to check in. Breakups should be taken seriously and this back and forth you two are doing isn't healthy. It's like positioning you for friendship. I know she felt neglected but the best response is not to knee-jerk give lots of attention. It is actually to reflect for a little while. You will learn a lot that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getupkid Posted March 20, 2013 Author Share Posted March 20, 2013 Right after I posted this I said to her that today was the most she's talked to me in over a month and she said she feels she should be nice to me since I care about her, and to not think she's forcing it. I said that's good but if she thinks this is just gonna turn into a friendship that I don't want that, and she said she knows. She asked me more about how I was feeling and about these exercises she's been doing and other stuff. At least she knows I won't settle for being just friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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