after 10 years.. is it meant to be?

[charity]

Your kids should frame the basis of any decision you make. You have made strides in your personal growth. If you feel you are settling, then you are. There is love out there for you. Unconditional real love. There is no rush. Seek that out.

 

absolutly! i am in no rush.....i think edward and i being together would be amazing for the kids. they would see a loving healthy respectful relationship. it would help them so much in their growth to be part of a loving family THAT HAS A GOOD MAN IN IT.

 

but yes i will take my time on this. THANKS.

[SorrowandPain]

Let me start off by saying I do not put blame on you for what you've "done" to Edward. Sure, your actions towards him were quite poor at best but he's a grown man who let himself accept what you did to him.

 

Like someone already said in this thread, in the end, we are who we are. From your posts, you are attracted to the alpha male/bad boy type of guy and that's just who you are. Are you sure you'll respect Edward as a man -either subconsciously or consciously- if he takes you back after you left him not once but TWICE? Also, the fact that he hasn't had any relationships since you doesn't exactly scream that he's the type of guy you're attracted to.

 

I can't help but feel sorry for this guy if he gets back together with you and I say that with no disrespect to you. Basically you left him twice to be with alpha males/bad boys and even had 2 children with one of these guys. This means that not only is he accepting his place a doormat of sorts, but if he gets back together with you, he would essentially be helping someone other man take care of his offspring. Edward is basically being the ultimate cuckold here.

 

I just can't help but think if you guys get back together, somewhere down the line his lack of a backbone will ignite an itch within you that you'll eventually scratch with another man.

[charity]

hi sorrow and pain. THANKS FOR WRITING YOUR POST RESPECTFULLY. however i feel that you are looking at the situation in the most negative of lights.

this type of thinking is exactly what i do FEAR other people will think of him if he did take me back. i'm sure it would even cross his mind also that he may feel ashamed of himself. HOWEVER i don't think he would let what other people think get in the way of his happiness.i don't think he would put how it looks over what it is now.. he is intelligent and caring, and he knows i have made mistakes that i paid for. he never blames me for leaving. he knows there was never another man in the picture until AGES after we had split.

 

as for me, no, i haven't lost respect for him because he never had another relationship. I 100% do not believe that his coming back to me again would cause me to feel disrespect for him.

 

yes he would be a step dad to my kids. that doesn't make him a doormat.

yes i left him twice and went off for faraway hills... but i was 23!

 

so do you think people never change at all? yes i used to always love the bad boys,the alpha male and yes it still attracts me. but logically i have grown past that. i'm not saying that i will never be attracted or tempted by another man ever again. bit now i feel i can talk myself out of that.

 

sign i don't know. certainly from here i have gotten mostly negative responses so i'm starting to seriously doubt if he even would consider giving me another chance.

[SorrowandPain]

Update, op?

[charity]

hey.... well i haven't said anything, still been thinking about it. we have text a few times and last night i initiated a phone call. its always so nice to talk t him bit i feel surprisingly shy. i am totally unsure of his feelings for me. anyway he asked me if i wanted to catch a movie next week and i said yes, so i'm looking forward to that. i'm eager to spend more time with him to see if my feelings grow or weaken. there are times when i think of him and i just want him to be with me RIGHT NOW.

 

i was thinking about him the other night while i lay in bed and i realized if it wasn't for him i wouldn't even be thinking about 'love' or a 'relationship' right now. thats not what i'm about right now in my life. i have other ambitions and i feel very content how i am in my life at the moment. but i want edward in my life. its only because it is edward who is the guy, that i am even considering a relationship right now.

 

when i analysed this i felt good . all my life i have pursued men BECAUSE i wanted a relationship, i wanted love, sex, companionship, children.

this time i am pursueing edward because... i want edward. thats it. its the joy of being with him that i love.

[charity]

UPDATE

 

the thread is a year old but i just wanted to let you guys knows whats going on. you may need to reread the OP.

 

recently i have told edward my feelings. at first he refused to talk to me about it so i respected that and stayed away. eventually he was ready to talk.

 

he has all the fears that i knew he would have- he thinks he is my 'safety net', he thinks i still love my ex, he thinks i am still hurting from the ex, he is scared walking into a 'new family'. most of all, he feels that i will simply change my mind again and leave him. he feels that if it was gonna work it would have worked back then.

 

i bared my soul, i was very honest, told him my feelings, my fears and my hopes. I don't want to have to convince him to be with me, but i did try to ease some of his fears.

 

I asked him did he have any feeling left for me.

 

he said he has ALWAYS had feelings for me, and he still does..... but he has buried them and filtered them.

 

i was so happy to hear that but sad as i can see how difficult it would be for him to trust me.

 

we're going to meet up again next week after he has time to take all of this in.

 

i am as sure as i can be at this point. i would love to just have the chance to get to know him again.

[jphcbpa]

i would love to just have the chance to get to know him again.

 

made me cry when I read this...

thanks for the update

[Brotherhood67]

Excuse me for being quite blunt but I understand your guy's feelings. He also had the courage to go through it all, stay by your side and keep in touch while he had all the reasons in the world not to do so.

 

So ask yourself this, especially since it's pretty clear he still has feelings for you : how did you change the way you react when being in a relationship after all those years ? Same cause, same effects. I don't really see (and no offense !) athat anything has changed in this area of your life : you still sound pretty insecure about your feelings and, to be fair, I don't see it ending well if you somewhat manage to get back together.

 

It's sad, really, because your story is touching but I fail to see that as something else as a "come-back" from your past which would probably fizzle out after a while. Please don't hurt him. I think he suffered enough - the fact that he remained single for all those years is really proof that he never really managed to get over you. Don't use him as an ego-boost, even if you don't mean to, I'm sure

[charity]

brotherhood, i understand his feelings too. i know this is a very tough decision for him. but i had to put it out there. i can't have these feeling for him, and he have them for me.. and both of us too afraid to try again after all these year.

to answer your question i changed in a huge way, and i don't say that flippantly. i cringe at how i was in those days. i was very immature and although i was a good person, i was very confused.

 

my wants have changed, my needs have changed... the qualities that i am attracted to have changed.

i always loved edward, loved spending time with him, we had a very strong connection, similar goal, ambitions, morals. and i thought that wasn't enough. and it wasn't. it should have been but it wasn't-NOT THEN. it was the wrong time for me. i was disrespectful to him without even knowing i was being disrespectful. i am not that way anymore- no way.

 

now i know i'm ready for that. now i WANT that. with him! i would love to be in a relationship with him. i'm not insecure about my feelings anymore, remember i first wrote this thread a year ago and i only told him my feelings recently.... so i've spent a lot of time thinking but not acting on my feelings.

BUT i am still unsure....thinking will it last? will feelings fade? what if i hurt him again...... i am very scared of doing that.

 

all i KNOW 100% is this........... i feel very strongly for him. i want to be in a relationship with him. i want that relationship to grow and develop. and when we have tough times i will do my upmost to get through them.