Death threats during pregnancy scare. What's next?

[mhowe]

That was my point -- and you stated it much better. Scary conversation re: pregnancy #1 was 2 weeks BEFORE her period because she didn't feel "right", scary conversation #2 was one day AFTER period should have begun. Too me, that is alarmist and catastrophizing.

[SapphireNoir10]

Exactly what Lavenderdove said. It causes massive drama and strain on a relationship to have a potential pregnancy hanging over you early on. Why have the worry and stress on the relationship until your sure?

 

As soon as you have symptoms it's early enough to take a test. Symptoms only happen when your about 3/4 weeks pregnant normally. So why not do an early test then worry?

 

I also did say his behaviour is unacceptable. The way he handled it is disgusting but in a way it is good because she knows his true colours and real side and can get out of the relationship.

 

But he does deserve to know she isn't pregnant.

[Wayfara]

many men, especially if there is a very early pregnancy, are totally freaked out by it

 

Being freaked out by pregnancy isn't gender specific, many women get just as freaked out as men, if not more. Partners are supposed to be supportive of each other so it makes sense, at least to me, to not keep all your worries inside for weeks when faced of a possible pregnancy.

 

Who wants to cause a partner that anxiety when you're not even sure yourself, and pregnancy tests are so very easy to get and take?

 

If it's silly to be anxious about possibly being pregnant then there no harm done in sharing that silly anxiety with your partner, the partner will know it's silly and reassure and after they can both laugh it off. And if it's normal to be anxious about possibly being pregnant it is also normal to want support in that anxious situation, she shouldn't have to go through all that alone.

 

It like every time you get a belly ache or a head ache or a swollen lymph node, running to your partner and saying, 'oh no, i think i might have cancer'! You don't do that, you go investigate before you start catastrophizing it, especially when there are any number of reasons you might be having those particular symptoms.

 

There is a difference between a hypochondriac freaking out every time he gets head ache and having an one time pregnancy scare in my opinion. And if you have frequent killing head aches I don't think it is overreacting to tell your partner, some have fear of doctors and might want their partner to accompany them when checking it up.

 

it doesn't make sense to go cry in his lap when an appropriate response to fear of pregnancy is taking the test to discover the truth rather than running to him and increasing and extending the anxiety for both her partner and herself.

 

You feel sharing one's problems is to extend the anxiety for both. It isn't always like that, many times sharing one's problems alleviate the anxiety of both the teller and the listener. Partners can't support each other if they keep all their worries to themselves and when something is worrying your partner you often notices it and start worrying about it too even when you don't know what it is, sometimes not knowing actually makes it worse. I also don't think telling your partner and taking a pregnancy test is an either/or choice, you can do both. In this case it was probably a good thing she told him so she found out how he deals with things before getting further involved with him.

[laura40]

OP I think you should stay away from this guy. I do think he deserves to know that you're not pregnant though. Send an email stating that you're not pregnant and wish to end things with him. Giving you death threats because you might be pregnant is not on.