Braveheart1 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Share Posted February 21, 2013 It's a possibility, but only a possibility. Yes, people who are cheating or up to no good may suspect others are, too. But people who aren't cheating at all but have been hurt by it in the past, or are just worried about it, may also suspect it to an extreme degree. So, I wouldn't jump to that conclusion about her motives. Assume, in the absence of other evidence, that they are innocent (if strange) - and make the issue you have to deal with the behaviour itself. Dating should not be that difficult. We are only on our two week timeline Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Braveheart1 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Share Posted February 21, 2013 Someone who is always checking things (when its extremely unnecessary) isn't suddenly going to stop because you have a chat with her. She will continue to snoop. Id leave. All this after two weeks? Your asking for more drama. Thing is, I have not given her any reason to doubt me. On her birthday, I took her out to a nice sushi place (i listen and understood that she likes sushi), then brought her to a nice ice cream place. She was very happy. This past week end, I brought her to another sushi place and as she is active, I even suggested a hike. So we did a 6 miles hike all bundled up in a 17 degree weather. She loved it. So not sure what the deal is now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Furbys Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Thing is, I have not given her any reason to doubt me. . That is a major red flag. As soon as you tell her to stop snooping she will think you have done something and are trying to hide it. You cant win here. There are plenty of girls out there, dont settle for one who already has shown they have major security issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather Dawn Posted February 21, 2013 Share Posted February 21, 2013 Cool -I used to commute that way, too, till we moved into Acton so I wouldn't have to. This chick didn't turn crazy - she's always been nuts. You just don't know her very well, yet, so you're uncovering these things. Be happy it's happening so early when you can still get out, rather than down the line when you're totally enmeshed in each other's lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Braveheart1 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Share Posted February 21, 2013 Latest update: I was supposed to go to her house last night for dinner. But at 6pm she texts me and tells me that she still has a lot of homework to do and if I mind if we reschedule. Ok I can take that, so I was cool about it and thought nothing of it. I was like sure don't worry about it. At 10 pm exactly she tells me she is tired and going to bed. In between 6-10 pm, no communication at all. I let it be and responded at 1015 that I'm glad that she had time to work on her presentation and told her to get some rest and sweet dreams. My friend this morning (she is a great woman and means well) said 'she probably went on a date you never know just throwing it out there, I hope she was honest' She says that there are some possibilities, text last minute to cancel your dinner plans, then text at 10 pm but nothing in between. So I sent her a text this morning telling her that I have noticed that we barely have spoken and that she barely texts apart from some random messages. So I was upfront and asked her if there has been a change in our status or if there something bothering her. I'll wait to hear from her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Braveheart1 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Share Posted February 21, 2013 Cool -I used to commute that way, too, till we moved into Acton so I wouldn't have to. This chick didn't turn crazy - she's always been nuts. You just don't know her very well, yet, so you're uncovering these things. Be happy it's happening so early when you can still get out, rather than down the line when you're totally enmeshed in each other's lives. That's too bad since it seems that we connected on so many levels when we first started talking. Same goals. WE both have been in relationship where plans were made and the other person afterwards was selfish enough to not be sure what they wanted. It's a horrible feeling and she said she never would want to put someone in that situation since she has been there and it hurts. So we connected well. That's the sucky part and now in the past days, we have exchanged some random texts and that's all. So I had to text her this morning and be to the point and ask if anything has changed. At least I would know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather Dawn Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 That's too bad since it seems that we connected on so many levels when we first started talking. Same goals. WE both have been in relationship where plans were made and the other person afterwards was selfish enough to not be sure what they wanted. It's a horrible feeling and she said she never would want to put someone in that situation since she has been there and it hurts. So we connected well. That's the sucky part and now in the past days, we have exchanged some random texts and that's all. So I had to text her this morning and be to the point and ask if anything has changed. At least I would know. I wouldn't necessarily jump to conclusions about her doing anything shady - though it's a possibility, for sure - but see what happens if she replies to your text. And then consider the fact that she has major trust and boundary issues, even if she comes back and says there's been no change on her end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Braveheart1 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Share Posted February 22, 2013 Ok latest update. So i sent her a text yesterday at 730 am telling her than I had some concerns that we have not been communicating as often as we used it and to tell me if there has been a change in our status or if there was something bothering her. I didn't hear anything the whole day. I know she gets out of class at 7pm. So at 720 ish PM, nothing still, so I call her and two rings then voicemail; obviously she ignored my call. A minute later, she texts me saying she is out to dinner with her friend and she will call me in a bit. Ok RED FLAG, the guy you're seeing has a legit concern and instead of taking a few minutes to address it, you go to dinner first? It's been about 13 hours; I'm sure she gets a break and lunch. Takes 2 minutes to put someone's mind at ease (shows how she cares). Couple of my pals said the same thing that if she cared, she would have nailed this one fast. Fast forward to this morning, she wants to do dinner tonight. I'm like what the .............. So then she texts me how she thinks that she needs to take a step back, she feels that she is going too quick etc. Ok that's all fair and I agree, we went too fast. She says that her feelings for me have not changed at all but she wants to slow down. I totally agree with her. She broke up with her b/f in december, but she swears she was over it and ready to date etc. We met on a dating site. So why date if you're not ready? That I would never understand. So conclusion: - She confirmed that her feelings towards me have not changed - She wants to take it slow - We don't have any boundaries (fix schedule to see each other etc). I will set some boundaries about her snooping around in my belingings. - She said that she only wants to do a dinner date tonight, no sleepover etc I do agree with her that we went too fast but hey it takes two to tango. So I think I will throttle back on my end also just to be fair. PArt of being in a relationship is to respect your partner's feelings and I do that very well. Opinions at this point ladies and gents? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather Dawn Posted February 22, 2013 Share Posted February 22, 2013 In all honesty, this doesn't sound promising. She basically ignores your communiques, blows you off, then gets back to you to say that she wants to slow down. Coupled with her trust issues and clear lack of personal boundaries, plus her fairly recent break-up...I'd be very surprised if this went anywhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Braveheart1 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Share Posted February 22, 2013 In all honesty, this doesn't sound promising. She basically ignores your communiques, blows you off, then gets back to you to say that she wants to slow down. Coupled with her trust issues and clear lack of personal boundaries, plus her fairly recent break-up...I'd be very surprised if this went anywhere. I smell the beginning of the end. So I have kinda detached myself a bit while giving her the benefit of the doubt. Still doesn't excuse the fact that she was going to dinner first instead of easing my mind; like I said if that was me, I would take couple of minutes and ease her mind. Things like that, you have to tackle fast. So for her to not do that and instead goes to dinner then say 'I was going to call you afterwards' shows lack of respect and care. Still if you're at dinner, why can't you just answer and say it instead of clicking on 'ignore' button. I would answer if the situation was reversed. Maybe I'm too attentive to women. I don't want to be too harsh on her but the trend she is setting is not giving me much to work with. She said she was the opposite of that but well her actions said otherwise. At the end of the day, i treated her well ,made her feel secure and made her birthday special, attended to her emotions and was very honest with her. Anything more, I can't do. I have lived by my words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
april15 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 You had good times. Do not go to dinner, step back and out. Unless you like the drama, because there is plenty more if you stay in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Braveheart1 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 Update: Had a long talk with her this week end and she said that sometimes she is oblivious to things (as in ignoring a request from the guy you're seeing to confirm where we were). She says she sisnt read into it but she will be more mindful in the future. Talked to her about the snooping, she said she is just curious by nature We went for sushi yesterday and the whole time in the car, she held my hand and was leaning over to kiss me a lot. I'm so confused right now, it's not even funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 My friend this morning (she is a great woman and means well) said 'she probably went on a date you never know just throwing it out there, I hope she was honest' She says that there are some possibilities, text last minute to cancel your dinner plans, then text at 10 pm but nothing in between. So I sent her a text this morning telling her that I have noticed that we barely have spoken and that she barely texts apart from some random messages. So I was upfront and asked her if there has been a change in our status or if there something bothering her. I'll wait to hear from her. So at 720 ish PM, nothing still, so I call her and two rings then voicemail; obviously she ignored my call. A minute later, she texts me saying she is out to dinner with her friend and she will call me in a bit. Ok RED FLAG, the guy you're seeing has a legit concern and instead of taking a few minutes to address it, you go to dinner first? It's been about 13 hours; I'm sure she gets a break and lunch. Takes 2 minutes to put someone's mind at ease (shows how she cares). Couple of my pals said the same thing that if she cared, she would have nailed this one fast. You get upset at her for not texting you while she says she's studying? And then you are upset that she eats before responding to you. I am not much of a texter and I give myself time before responding to them. To me, you are sounding pretty paranoid about the texting. So, as nutty as she sounds, you are right there with her in the insecurity department. So, in that way, you are perfect for each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Braveheart1 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 You get upset at her for not texting you while she says she's studying? And then you are upset that she eats before responding to you. I am not much of a texter and I give myself time before responding to them. To me, you are sounding pretty paranoid about the texting. So, as nutty as she sounds, you are right there with her in the insecurity department. So, in that way, you are perfect for each other. That was pretty harsh. I had a concern and she didnt even care to respond for about 14 hours; even going to dinner before even attempting to have a quick chat with me. That's not ok I would say. It's ok when she is busy but most people would nail this pretty fast. She tells me she was studying then after one hour went out to have ice cream with some friends. That after her telling me that she studied for hours. I don't think she knows which version she tells me. I'm not paranoid and it's very ignorant of you to make such a statement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 It's an opinion. Take it or not, but I think you both are acting in an insecure manner. I think it's especially concerning that you keep saying "I treat women this way yet they still end up crazy." So, one - you are calling her crazy. Two, why would you date anyone you think is crazy? Three, you are staying in a situation causing you greater and greater concern. If you are suspicous of a person's actions, and that suspicion grows with everything they do, it will naturally cause you to think they are doing things behind your back. Different people are different, but I would have been outta there at "checking my receipts." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Braveheart1 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 It's an opinion. Take it or not, but I think you both are acting in an insecure manner. I think it's especially concerning that you keep saying "I treat women this way yet they still end up crazy." So, one - you are calling her crazy. Two, why would you date anyone you think is crazy? Three, you are staying in a situation causing you greater and greater concern. If you are suspicous of a person's actions, and that suspicion grows with everything they do, it will naturally cause you to think they are doing things behind your back. Different people are different, but I would have been outta there at "checking my receipts." I appreciate your candid opinion. You have valid points since you're not involved. Sometimes as you know people don't see things when they are involved Don't take my comment in a bad way though. I have much to learn in this infinite circle of love. What I have decided to do is give it some time and observe her. But I agree with your assessment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Aw Hugs. IF I were you, I would put a short timetable on that assessment period. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Braveheart1 Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 Update: Spent saturday night, sunday and monday with her. She wanted to. I would say it's good company. She tells me a lot and even had me talk to her mom while we were driving (she put her mom on speaker for me to say hi and chatted with her for a few seconds). She told her mom how we are going to get dinner etc. She even started telling me about the issues she had before and the therapy she got. At least she is opening up. So Im starting to think i was too harsh in my assessment but I'm still watching this one closely. I did see a little bit of snooping that she did this week end. I still don't feel too comfortable letting her on her own at my house for some reasons On the other hand she is very affectionate. So i'm trying not to read too much into it and go with the flow while keeping some guard up. She is going on vacation for a week and asked me if I would feed her cats. I would say she trusts me. Can someone slap me and tell me to loosen up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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