jordesse Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Wow, the guy sounds like he has the social ettiquette of a serial killer! lol lol sorry, nothing at all to add, just blown away by the 'taking his pants off' and asking you to do the same so he could 'feel your legs'. Wow, that is the weirdest, creepiest thing I've ever heard. It reminds me of a teenage boy who says to his girlfriend "I'll onlly put it in once, I swear!" or "I promise you can't get pregnant the first time" lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22n32 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 he pretty much just wanted to get in ur pants.. u seem like a very attractive lady.. he sounds like a total player.. he just wanted to hit it.. lol and prob disapper.. he didnt go about startting ur rel with, kindness, respect.. just about telling u what u wanted to hear.. so he can get what he wanted.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I would have left the moment I saw the boxers. Many years ago a colleague wanted to come over to watch a tv show we were both into. He had a girlfriend but was in my city on business. I was so naive. Luckily that afternoon he called to say he was bringing a change of clothes in case things went well. That's when I canceled. And yes, he ended up marrying his girlfriend. In general I think it's a bad idea for a first date to be at someone's house even if you've met before. You're lucky he didn't force himself on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amandacast57 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 I would have left the moment I saw the boxers. Many years ago a colleague wanted to come over to watch a tv show we were both into. He had a girlfriend but was in my city on business. I was so naive. Luckily that afternoon he called to say he was bringing a change of clothes in case things went well. That's when I canceled. And yes, he ended up marrying his girlfriend. In general I think it's a bad idea for a first date to be at someone's house even if you've met before. You're lucky he didn't force himself on you. Well thats where me saying I was ignorant in thinking it was ok, comes into play. My ex boyfriend and I texted for a week before we first met. We talked about EVERYTHING. He picked me up at my house for our first date. After we ate dinner, he came back to my house to hang out before he had to leave for his soccer game. Not once did he try to force himself on me, touch me inappropriately or make me feel uncomfortable. So I was wrong for thinking every guy would be respectful. Trust me, I was literally thinking in my head what I would do if he raped me. He also just texted me, after I ignored his text earlier, and said "Hey babe. How has your day been?". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amandacast57 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 he pretty much just wanted to get in ur pants.. u seem like a very attractive lady.. he sounds like a total player.. he just wanted to hit it.. lol and prob disapper.. he didnt go about startting ur rel with, kindness, respect.. just about telling u what u wanted to hear.. so he can get what he wanted.. Well he didn't get it. So why is he blowing up my phone, flipping out on me and making sure I'm not see other people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RachaelRosen Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I don't understand why you continued to talk to him, OP, after you got out of his house. It kind of makes me wonder what your self esteem is like, sorry if that sounds harsh. Edit* Be safe, like someone else said, have a buddy system for a week. The guy sounds like a whack job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickydoodle Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Do you think he is ''crazy'' for being that into you? If so why? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amandacast57 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 I don't understand why you continued to talk to him, OP, after you got out of his house. It kind of makes me wonder what your self esteem is like, sorry if that sounds harsh. Edit* Be safe, like someone else said, have a buddy system for a week. The guy sounds like a whack job. Because, like I said, he knows where I work. He was so insistent and I don't want him showing up here or at the gym (he knows I workout there too). Does that make sense? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amandacast57 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 Do you think he is ''crazy'' for being that into you? If so why? I think being into someone is a little bit different than the things he has done Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22n32 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Well he didn't get it. So why is he blowing up my phone, flipping out on me and making sure I'm not see other people. Because he does want it.. and u denied him. Players are determined. . And if he gets u its a conquer to him.. see players its all a game to him.. chase is half the fun.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22n32 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Trust me.. im speaking as an ex player.. accept i was a lot more respectfull towards the women.. he just sounds like a d bag and a little boy.. thats trapped in a mans body.. hes skated on his looks his whole life.. so he thinks he can get away with anything Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not a rookie Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I'll tell you how you can get rid of him. Next time he calls tell him: "I really enjoyed our time together but I want to be in a serious relationship. I actually want to get married. I want to be committed. Did I tell you that I want to have five kids? I would want to have 3 girls and 2 boys. I already picked out the names for them, my first son's first name will definitely will be Aaron. Do you want to have a big family like me? Omg I was with my friends shopping and I saw the cutiest baby boy sweater ever. I love love LOVE children etc etc." Either he will hang up on you or he will tell you he will call you right back and disappear. LOL.:surprise: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camus154 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 ^ LOL. Sorry, OP, but you seem to have an ever-growing list of excuses for why you haven't shut the door on this guy. First it was because you were worried about your immediate safety, now it's because he knows where you work. So are you just going to be held hostage by the fear of what this guy might do if you blow him off? Guess you better strap in for the long haul, huh? Or is it simply because you have a hard time saying no and it feels good to have a guy want you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Given your past abusive boyfriends, your last "relationship" (I am not sure if you guys got back together), and this, I am concerned that you have a big "VICTIM" or "CONTROLLABLE" target etched on your forehead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amandacast57 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 I'm not sure how this turned into a matter of, not how he acted, but somehow I brought this upon myself?? I've ignored this guy all day pretty much and last night. I think anyone in my shoes would feel at least a little concerned so being "cordial" seemed like a good idea, instead of pissing him off. I had no intentions of meeting up with him again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edmund Exley Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Tell him you would like no more contact from him. When he ignores that tell him any further contact will be considered harassment and reported to the authorities Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camus154 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I'm not sure how this turned into a matter of, not how he acted, but somehow I brought this upon myself?? Because we're all scratching our heads wondering how on earth you can still communicate with this guy and even make plans for this weekend with him. If you want nothing to do with him and have no intentions on hanging out again, then be a big girl and tell him that. Otherwise you're just gossiping about the really creepy guy to whom you're giving mixed signals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happpybear Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 i actually kind of agree with how you responded on the date. I have been in your shoes, and i did the same thing. The guy seemed totally normal, but a few dates in he turned into your guy, i did the polite brush-off stuff also because i was afraid to get him angry by insisting on leaving the situation, i was afraid i would end up in a ditch somewhere. He also knew where i wokred and would come by everyday (it was a store). I told him i had no time to date, but he kept coming back, eventually i had mall security hang out at the store more often, and all my colleagues knew about the situation and what he looked like, so if they saw him coming they would warn me and i would go in the back of the store. I also had my bro pick me up after work instead of taking the bus, because the guy knew i my bus route. he never had my phone number, only my email address, and he sent me weird cryptic emails for months. I would recomend telling him that your are too busy to date right now, and also watch your back when going to and from work. Change your route etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greta96 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I also have had to deal with this type of weirdos, and just like you, I tried to let them down gently and politely, because I was scared of what they may do. I always hoped to do the slow fade, so that they'd forget about me. I came to realize that this is the absolute worst way to go, because any kind of attention (even negative attention/brush-offs) was still attention, they somehow took it as me being still interested, just busy or not ready or whatever, and they stuck around. When you told him you'd hang out the following weekend, he took it as encouragement, not rejection, which is why he is still pursuing. In my experience, the best way to keep these guys away is to cut contact completely. Next time he contacts you, all you have to do is politely but firmly say that you are not interested in dating him, that unfortunately you don't feel any connection and that you wish him the best. Then go totally silent and don't reply to any of his attempts to contact you. If he shows up at your work or gym, then you can tell him that his behavior is unacceptable and you will have to take legal action, if he doesn't stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldenoughtoknow Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Okay, agree. Once he became a clear and present danger, it's certainly not wise to make any combustible statements. And I'm not saying you brought this on yourself in any way. I guess what others are wondering is, why didn't you leave shortly after, say, he asked you to take your pants off? Or when he stuck his hand down your pants? There seemed to be a cavalcade of red flags waving in the room. The stuff that went on that evening is farcical. But from the way you described it, you seemed to linger until what felt like the end of a "normal" date. Huh? And now you're asking us "What do you think of this guy?" like this kind of behavior is anywhere close to normal. Believe us, Amandacast57, it's not. What do I think of this guy? I think this guy is whacked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherB Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I'm not sure how this turned into a matter of, not how he acted, but somehow I brought this upon myself?? I've ignored this guy all day pretty much and last night. I think anyone in my shoes would feel at least a little concerned so being "cordial" seemed like a good idea, instead of pissing him off. I had no intentions of meeting up with him again. He's going to keep bugging you for as long as you're cordial to him. Keep ignoring him and after a long time he will eventually give up. Each time you respond, you're resetting all your previous ignoring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happpybear Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Okay, agree. Once he became a clear and present danger, it's certainly not wise to make any combustible statements. And I'm not saying you brought this on yourself in any way. I guess what others are wondering is, why didn't you leave shortly after, say, he asked you to take your pants off? Or when he stuck his hand down your pants? There seemed to be a cavalcade of red flags waving in the room. The stuff that went on that evening is farcical. But from the way you described it, you seemed to linger until what felt like the end of a "normal" date. Huh? And now you're asking us "What do you think of this guy?" like this kind of behavior is anywhere close to normal. Believe us, Amandacast57, it's not. What do I think of this guy? I think this guy is whacked. Ya i also agree that you should have left shortly after he got weird. just yawn and say, well gotta get up ealry (in a nice way) etc. I also agree with Greta96 that once out of the situation you should respond to his attempts to see you by saying that you are not interested. I should have done that in my situation, instead of doing the "i'm just busy right now" lie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amandacast57 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 Okay, agree. Once he became a clear and present danger, it's certainly not wise to make any combustible statements. And I'm not saying you brought this on yourself in any way. I guess what others are wondering is, why didn't you leave shortly after, say, he asked you to take your pants off? Or when he stuck his hand down your pants? There seemed to be a cavalcade of red flags waving in the room. The stuff that went on that evening is farcical. But from the way you described it, you seemed to linger until what felt like the end of a "normal" date. Huh? And now you're asking us "What do you think of this guy?" like this kind of behavior is anywhere close to normal. Believe us, Amandacast57, it's not. What do I think of this guy? I think this guy is whacked. I didn't hang out for hours after this behavior occurred. Even when I said I was leaving he begged for me to stay and would try to kiss me. It's not like I stayed forever and let it happen. Haha and this thread wasn't a please tell me your opinion because I'm on the fence about this guy. It was a seriously!!! What do you think about this thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Well thats where me saying I was ignorant in thinking it was ok, comes into play. My ex boyfriend and I texted for a week before we first met. We talked about EVERYTHING. He picked me up at my house for our first date. After we ate dinner, he came back to my house to hang out before he had to leave for his soccer game. Not once did he try to force himself on me, touch me inappropriately or make me feel uncomfortable. So I was wrong for thinking every guy would be respectful. Trust me, I was literally thinking in my head what I would do if he raped me. He also just texted me, after I ignored his text earlier, and said "Hey babe. How has your day been?". It's not about respect as much as it's about safety -you give the wrong impression if you go to someone's home on a first date unless you want to have sex or unless you make it clear in advance of going that you're not interested in having sex yet - and in advance -not when you're already there because then it could be construed as mixed messages. Yes, it is far more respectful not to make a move but on the other hand a guy could reasonably interpret your agreeing to go to his house as an invitation to make a move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amandacast57 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 It's not about respect as much as it's about safety -you give the wrong impression if you go to someone's home on a first date unless you want to have sex or unless you make it clear in advance of going that you're not interested in having sex yet - and in advance -not when you're already there because then it could be construed as mixed messages. Yes, it is far more respectful not to make a move but on the other hand a guy could reasonably interpret your agreeing to go to his house as an invitation to make a move. I told him MULTIPLE times before we hung out that I would not be having sex with him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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