Kristyowens Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 i felt like this, but many people said it will not work. i suppose it really depends on how your ex saw it. at any point did he see the constant emails as needy?, hustle? etc... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ0101 Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 I think it depends what she broke up with you for. I still loved my bf when I broke up with him, I just couldn't take our relationship anymore, so I still want to hear from him. I probably wouldn't get back together with him, but I do still want him to contact me for some reason. SO.... if she still loved you when she broke up with you, but she broke up with you because you lied or cheated or were a douchebag and now you're really sorry and totally changed, I think it would be a good time to contact her. If she broke up with you because she didn't love you anymore, though, then I wouldn't bother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dreamboat Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 i felt like this, but many people said it will not work. i suppose it really depends on how your ex saw it. at any point did he see the constant emails as needy?, hustle? etc... Yes, I agree that most people will tell you that but 'til when will you wait for the dumper to contact you? Some few weeks, a month, 2 months when the feelings of him or maybe yours has subsided yet? They say that NC's for helping yourself move on and put back the pieces that were lost within yourself but sure nobody knows how you really feel and how you wanted this person who dumped you. Sometimes when we're hurt and in so much pain for dumping us, we tend to do self-pity and that makes our ego empower us. That's when we act like we don't care anymore but deep inside you feel like dying which is unfair because you're just beating up yourself. Why should I do that when I can still do something to work it on my ex without him seeing me begging, pleading and clingy? As for the contents of my emails, no, they never sounded like I was needy at all. It was all about understanding why we went through the break up, respect that he decided to end it with me because with that, I've done lots of reflecting and realized my flaws and knew how to improve upon myself and just let him know that if he ever wanted to reconcile and work it out with me again, then he knows where to reach me but of course I let him know that I couldn't change his mind and so it's something he has to want as well. Maybe I was just too determined and confident and my faith's too strong that I can do something to get him back even without applying NC. Well, maybe it's right though as to some are saying it depends on the cause of your break up and what sort of character the dumper is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wilyone 11 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 well.... something like that would happen if it was the case that the dumper felt 'forced' to dump the dumpee due to something the dumpee did wrong. in this case the dumper may want the dumpee to realize that what they did was really wrong and hopefully call to admit their wrongdoing and ask for another chance. basically if the dumper still loves the dumpee but felt forced to end the relationship then they may be hoping and expecting the dumpee to call. This is true. I was really in love with a man who kept treating me poorly (cancelling dates, showing up really late, etc.) that I just couldn't tolerate the treatment anymore and had to end it for my self-respect. But I would have gladly taken him back had he approached me and said how much he realized he loved me and promised to change his behavior, etc. I did end up reaching out a few months later and we started dating again and he definitely improved his behavior. Still, I would have loved it if he'd contacted me, but most dumpees don't do that because of their pride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dreamboat Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I don't know, that's just my perception about the break up and how you'll contact and work it on your ex. I accept people's opinions about not contacting the dumper after the break up. Yes it might work in most cases but not in my case, too easy for them to say that you have to move on, let the dumper feel what they did to you. But come to think of it, why did the ex dump you? Surely, there is a major reason why he did that. When we are still in the relationship, sometimes we just tend to focus on what we're receiving. Yes we give but we don't see and we don't know what's lacking or if we've given enough to make our partner happy and stay with us and when they broke us up, til then we only realize what's lacking and what our flaws are. Realization comes after and not before we lost someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shane Falco Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 I'm definitely glad it worked out for you, but you seem to be the outlier from everything I've read and from my personal experience and observing the experiences of others I know. Most people who employ your approach end up pissing the dumper off more and freaking them out, not getting any sort of reconciliation. It turns tragic. But hat's off for you in getting it to work. I certainly wouldn't advise your approach to most though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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