Delaurence23 Posted November 8, 2004 Share Posted November 8, 2004 my throat closes up the fire the chill evens out until a complete numb and the pain sinks in and my heart sinks lower than it has ever been before i would do anything to have a smile and to have it to myself now i dont know wat to do because im falling this is my one way ticket to hell the suicidal thoughts awaken my reality as no one wants to see me for me only wat my past is im outkasted in a reality show me the path to death and i will take it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove Posted November 8, 2004 Share Posted November 8, 2004 i like the simplicity. it's a very nice poem, and very different than most others i read. my one bit of advice to you would be to be a little less literal. when you're too literal, the poem doesn't show enough emotion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmptySoul Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 I like it, good job. Empty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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