Aarya Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Then its not friends. You want a relationship. Someone had to tell you. You are just for some reason afraid of it and don't want it as well. Why? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Maybe I am afraid of not being exactly what the other person wants me to be. That alone could be enough reason to detach myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aarya Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 1. Let THEM decide that. Who are you to decide for them? 2. If you don't take that chance, you will be unhappy. Let's assign -1 to that. If you do take the chance, either you will be happy (=-1) or you will be happy (=1). Your expected happiness will be 0. Which is better than -1. Just saying... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EssexMan Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 let it happen if it happens. The odds are overwhelming that it won't. The simple fact you are thinking about a friendship morphing into a relationship implies that at best you're not getting the nature of friendship, and at worst you're going into it for all the wrong reasons. With your male friends, do you expect to fall in love, discover a gay side in yourself, and end up in a relationship with them? Of course not (I imagine). It's the same situation. The only difference is that a woman friend is of the same gender as the person you might have a relationship with. But she is not that person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Thanks everyone for your advice. I am just going to abandon the prospect of even interacting with a girl because I figure that I will not be able to handle the situation correctly and either hurt myself or the other person. I appreciate the thought that you all have put into your responses, but I do not wish to waste any more of your time. Thanks again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EssexMan Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I am just going to abandon the prospect of even interacting with a girl because I figure that I will not be able to handle the situation correctly and either hurt myself or the other person. Why do you think it'll be a problem for you? I do not wish to waste any more of your time. You've wasted nobody's time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aarya Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Thanks everyone for your advice. I am just going to abandon the prospect of even interacting with a girl because I figure that I will not be able to handle the situation correctly and either hurt myself or the other person. I appreciate the thought that you all have put into your responses, but I do not wish to waste any more of your time. Thanks again. WOW. I will just never understand this logic. You are so afraid of trying that you would rather stay in the situation in which you know for a fact that you will be miserable and lonely in. Did you ever think part of this is because you've convinced yourself that you aren't good enough and that you don't deserve someone's affection? Should I shut up now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Why do you think it'll be a problem for you? 1. I am selfish. I would neglect the girl. 2. I am pushy. I would want my way. 3. I am not very social. I do not go out of my way to talk to anyone. 4. I am boring. This would be partly because I only think of myself and partly because I do not find interest in the things most women find to be interesting. 5. I am annoying. I obsess over things and I get needy. The list goes on an on. I think you guys get the point. Should I shut up now? No. Definitely not. As selfish as I am, I crave for someone to find me interesting. I guess that is why I want a companion. I want someone to care about me. I just always sound like I want to be left alone. It's a problem that I have with myself. When someone asks about me, I often purposely describe myself in a boring fashion so that I can keep the conversation about me to a minimum, even though I love talking about myself. I cannot rationalize my behavior, I just do it. Maybe I am afraid to show how boring I really am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aarya Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 You are so confusing. I wish I could somehow help you. I really think the majority of it is a self esteem issue. I think if someone thought you were wonderful you would somehow convince yourself that they were just wrong (why?). Have you seen a therapist about this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 You are so confusing. I wish I could somehow help you. I really think the majority of it is a self esteem issue. I think if someone thought you were wonderful you would somehow convince yourself that they were just wrong (why?). Have you seen a therapist about this? I agree with what you said, but no I have never seen a therapist for this sort of issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aarya Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I agree with what you said, but no I have never seen a therapist for this sort of issue. Wouldn't you want to try? What do you have to lose? Sometimes Counsellor/therapists ask just the right questions to get you thinking and discover/understand what you feel/think more clearly. You are so young. You have time to figure this out. Don't end up 40+ lonely and not knowing what makes you happy or how to achieve it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Wouldn't you want to try? What do you have to lose? Sometimes Counsellor/therapists ask just the right questions to get you thinking and discover/understand what you feel/think more clearly. You are so young. You have time to figure this out. Don't end up 40+ lonely and not knowing what makes you happy or how to achieve it. I have considered seeing a therapist many times. Although, I do not think that I could convince my mother to let me see a therapist. My stepfather would be very condescending about it as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 This is what I gather: You want someone to love you or care for you, just as you are. But as you are, for the time being, is stagnant. You want someone to put in the effort of love and affection towards you without actually putting yourself out on a vulnerable line. You want someone to see past and through all the garbage, but then you don't even know if you have some good stuff underneath the "garbage", so why bother anyway. This makes much more sense in my head than it does in type, I hope you get my drift. Yes? 1. I am selfish. I would neglect the girl. 2. I am pushy. I would want my way. 3. I am not very social. I do not go out of my way to talk to anyone. 4. I am boring. This would be partly because I only think of myself and partly because I do not find interest in the things most women find to be interesting. 5. I am annoying. I obsess over things and I get needy. Not to oversimplify the actual process, but if you don't like these things and find them a barrier to your happiness, then... I don't know if I missed this, how old are you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aarya Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I have considered seeing a therapist many times. Although, I do not think that I could convince my mother to let me see a therapist. My stepfather would be very condescending about it as well. Don't you have access to one through school/college? Why need they know? The university/school you attend may have one available. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aarya Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Exactly as Cheetarah said. If you don't like those qualities about yourself, why not work on changing them?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 Exactly as Cheetarah said. If you don't like those qualities about yourself, why not work on changing them?? Cheetarah was perfectly right in her assessment of me. Aarya, I will first work on bettering myself before I try to find someone else. Thanks for the input you two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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