Capricorn3 Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I think writing a letter is fine. But calling is pushy. I also think we should look at the definition of stalker: A person who stealthily hunts or pursues an animal or another person. A person who harasses or persecutes someone with unwanted and obsessive attention. Since the o.p. is neither stealthy (I'd say he's pretty out in the open with this) nor crossed the line into harassment and/or persecution, perhaps we should stop throwing the word stalker around. You are absolutely right. I concede my choice of words was not too bright and I withdraw that particular statement. My apologies to the OP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fred garvin Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 I find it amazing all the jumps to conclusions. I live 500 miles away and I am not going to show up at her place of employment. It is her Husband (or whatever) that says their relationship on Facebook is "complicated", not "wishful thinking" on my part. Only one person with the name. Finding her on Google was not hard, she is a public figure, you know like a Senator or other elected official. Even has posted office hours and email addresses. Would you people rather not remember the innocence of your youth? Does every communication have to have an ulterior motive? What is the point in having memories? Did I ever mention that I wanted to see her? No. I'd rather have a secretary open up the letter than mail it to her house and have her husband open it, gives her the option of saying something to him if she wants. FREE and EASY, I'm a freakin' Deadhead!!! We are all FREE and EASY!!! Innocence people, innocence, don't lose it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dumPI Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 honest though dump if that was your wife ...would you still think him romantic Then it's the woman's chance to engage into communication or not. If it was my wife I'd love my woman not to answer but I cannot prevent others to engange in conversations with her. On the other hand I'm interested to know if this is OP contacting because he hurt her back then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosasnyder811 Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Again---this is the problem with society today. We throw words around and really have no clue what they mean. Branding him a stalker is blatant immaturity and total lack of social reality. People now a days need to stop being so overly emotional about people reaching out to others. Seriously, it's annoying and degrading our society. It makes me angry when someone reaches out innocently to someone else with no ill intentions and they are branded a "stalker" or a "predator." Sorry, but one letter does not give anyone that definition, unless the letter says "I'm going to follow you home after work and watch you and your family." Does his letter say that? Hardly. Stop throwing words around improperly. They are hurtful, and totally unnecessary. The strongest word you could POSSIBLY and ACCURATELY use for his letter is "annoying," "obnoxious," or "inappropriate." I wouldn't use any of those words, either. I would, at least when taking a look at the wording-- say it was simply a "Bad choice of words." Far from stalkerish. By the way, those of you that look at your friends' Facebook pages that you haven't talked to in person for years---by your definition, aren't you stalkers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EssexMan Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I don't see anything wrong with what you have done and I certainly don't see it as stalkerish! I also don't see a problem with the wording. I took "free and easy" to mean that you were more of a free spirit and have remained that way. I think it's a nice story and nice that you still have things from all those years ago. She must have been very special to you at one time. I would wait a little longer to see if you get a response from the letter. I don't think calling her at work is a good idea. If you are sure she will have received your letter, let it be. She will reply to you if she wants to. If she doesn't then that is something you will just have to accept. ^^^^^ Exactly what Pumpkin says. Only the most paranoid husband is going to think that after 30 years of silence you're actually trying to hook up with her again. I'd be delighted to hear from anyone from 30 years ago, just for the curiosity value. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twodegrees Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I don't see anything wrong with what you did. I would not be upset if an ex reached out to my SO. I have the confidence she would gauge/handle the situation in the proper way. There are some insecure/hurt people in this forum, obviously. If you trust your partner...these things are not an issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosasnyder811 Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 EXACTLY. People need to stop thinking their hurt applies to every situation. Some people come on here just because they are hurting and they want to make sure others keep hurting, and that is sad. There is nothing wrong with this as long as it stays innocent, and if her husband freaks out, you'll know why "it's complicated" anyway. Also, don't believe everything you read on Facebook. I don't see anything wrong with what you did. I would not be upset if an ex reached out to my SO. I have the confidence she would gauge/handle the situation in the proper way. There are some insecure/hurt people in this forum, obviously. If you trust your partner...these things are not an issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alcide Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 you should call her work place i agree call call call how sweet awwaaa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I think writing a letter is fine. But calling is pushy. I also think we should look at the definition of stalker: A person who stealthily hunts or pursues an animal or another person. A person who harasses or persecutes someone with unwanted and obsessive attention. Since the o.p. is neither stealthy (I'd say he's pretty out in the open with this) nor crossed the line into harassment and/or persecution, perhaps we should stop throwing the word stalker around. I agree with this -- hardly a "stalker." People re-connect after years and decades via Facebook, and no one seems to think it's "creepy" or "stalkerish." It might make her uncomfortable -- it's hard to say -- but as long as the OP doesn't escalate things by pushing for a response, calling her, showing up where she works, or otherwise making some sort of "grand gesture," I think it's OK. In 2008, I got an e-mail from an ex I hadn't talked to in 12 years. I had broken up with him in 1990, so it had been 18 years since our breakup (we kept up sporadic correspondence until '96). He had Googled me and found where I worked and sent me an e-mail. It was a very nice e-mail stating that he would understand if I wasn't interested in hearing from him, and would respect it, but he just wanted to get in touch to see how I was doing. He had no intentions of trying to get me back -- he's happily married and lives 8 hours away from me -- and it was clear to me that his intentions were good. We've remained in e-mail contact ever since, just as friends (his wife is aware that we correspond from time to time). Not creepy at all. Now, on the other hand, an ex of mine from 9 years ago just recently got into contact and almost immediately launched into asking me out. He was a bit persistent, and asked me out a total of five times -- I declined each invitation because I'm just not interested. He broke up with me, but I got over him a long time ago and have no interest in re-kindling anything or even seeing him at all. He was a little too persistent, and that bothered me; he even suggested that he thought of delivering (in-person), flowers to my workplace. That put me off. So, I think we can't just assume that she'll think this is creepy. It depends on what her memories of the OP are and how receptive she is to being in contact with people from her past. I think calling him a "stalker" is a bit much. Would I have written a letter to someone I dated 30 years ago? Probably not, but that doesn't mean it's a terrible thing to do. The only thing about this that bothers me is that she's married, and it might not be well-received for that reason. It's hard to say. Anyway, the letter is sent, so....it's done. It would be interesting to get an update as to whether or not she responds. And, yes, as iamkaylee says, once you've had an actual stalker, this behavior -- sending one letter after 30 years -- doesn't register as "stalker-ish" at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fred garvin Posted February 8, 2013 Author Share Posted February 8, 2013 OK all you haters. Elizabeth and I just talked for over an hour. She called me. Her relationship is "complicated" because her husband likes to look at and touch other women. She never forgot me and turns out she tried to get in touch but I was the one that could not be tracked down. "Creepy and stalkerish?" I asked her. She laughed and said "innocent and sweet". I asked if it was weird to get her husbands info off of Facebook and she laughed...turns out he is a Private Investigator who can not keep his info private, little twist of fate for ya. When the snow melts after the blizzard hits tomorrow, I will be going down to D.C. for a visit....her insistance and treat. I'm so glad I wrote that letter and am even more glad that I don't live in fear of my actions like some people seem to do. How gray life would be....Once in a while you can get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EssexMan Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Good luck. Sounds like it'll be an interesting experience. Let us know how it goes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExcitedtoSleep Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 I hope everything turns out right for you. I bet you are feeling pretty emotionally high right now. Just do not do anything stupid. And now that she has your information, feel free to relax a bit on your end of things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onelittleladybug Posted February 8, 2013 Share Posted February 8, 2013 Great story. Keep us updated please. I see nothing wrong with contacting her, I might have waited for the relationship status to change to single but Im a hesitant person. I have been spending time with an ex from 7 years ago, we kept tabs of each other online throughout the years. He moved to another city and state because of a job when we broke up, I recently moved there for professional reasons too and we are both single now. We are not dating each other, but we have spent a lot of time together and its been really wonderful. I have no idea if anything is going to happen, sometimes I want and feel it - sometimes Im not so sure, but I dont regret getting in touch at all. So all I have to say is enjoy it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gilson Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 I think that's great. People have to remember when they ask questions here that none of us know the situation as well as they do. You know/knew her far better than any one of us ever could and was probably, from the beginning, better at determining what actions you should take from the beginning than the rest of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted February 9, 2013 Share Posted February 9, 2013 Her husband likes to look and touch other women? Ohh how lovely. lol. Have fun...but be careful. She's still a married woman, after all. And if she's having problems in her relationship, and you are feeling nostalgic about the past, call me cynical or whatever you want ha, but that to me seems like a recipe for some sloppy potential complications. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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