calichick007 Posted February 5, 2013 Share Posted February 5, 2013 Good advice from HeatherB. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonDraper32 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Share Posted February 5, 2013 Good advice from HeatherB. So what do you suggest I do? Just let her keep leading me on and emotionally using me when she needs it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calichick007 Posted February 5, 2013 Share Posted February 5, 2013 So what do you suggest I do? Just let her keep leading me on and emotionally using me when she needs it? LOL... where in the world did you get that? I think you should let her see what life is like without you for awhile. If she wants space, give it to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonDraper32 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Share Posted February 5, 2013 So let's say she comes to me and says nothing's changed from a week ago. She misses me and wants me to be a part of her life, but she isn't ready to get back together. What do I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shane Falco Posted February 5, 2013 Share Posted February 5, 2013 So let's say she comes to me and says nothing's changed from a week ago. She misses me and wants me to be a part of her life, but she isn't ready to get back together. What do I do? Since this is exactly what's going to happen because a week isn't any kind of suitable break, I'd say give her more time. Like at least a month, if not more. But don't put a date on it, just say we need more time and then leave her be. I don't know why you think a week off will change anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonDraper32 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Share Posted February 5, 2013 Since this is exactly what's going to happen because a week isn't any kind of suitable break, I'd say give her more time. Like at least a month, if not more. But don't put a date on it, just say we need more time and then leave her be. I don't know why you think a week off will change anything. Because we used to talk all day every day and see each other once a week. It's been four days and this is already the longest we've ever gone without speaking. By this weekend, it will be three weeks since we've seen each other, which is twice as long as we've ever gone. It's all relative. We've been broken up for three weeks with no contact for one. I think that is enough time and she agreed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shane Falco Posted February 5, 2013 Share Posted February 5, 2013 Because we used to talk all day every day and see each other once a week. It's been four days and this is already the longest we've ever gone without speaking. By this weekend, it will be three weeks since we've seen each other, which is twice as long as we've ever gone. It's all relative. We've been broken up for three weeks with no contact for one. I think that is enough time and she agreed. It's not if you have any real ambition to not only get her back, but to keep her. For the relationship to evolve you have to evolve. And you aren't going to evolve from a week off. And of course she agrees, it gives her the option to use you as support as she moves on from you. She gets your emotional support while recovering. She's using you as a crutch and you are allowing her to do so. She's not going to forget about you if you don't see her for a month or longer. I mean, have you actually ever forgotten about any woman you've dated for any length of time? I haven't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonDraper32 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Share Posted February 5, 2013 It's not if you have any real ambition to not only get her back, but to keep her. For the relationship to evolve you have to evolve. And you aren't going to evolve from a week off. And of course she agrees, it gives her the option to use you as support as she moves on from you. She gets your emotional support while recovering. She's using you as a crutch and you are allowing her to do so. She's not going to forget about you if you don't see her for a month or longer. I mean, have you actually ever forgotten about any woman you've dated for any length of time? I haven't. We've actually been broken up for three weeks and I feel as though I've significantly changed in that time. We talked a little most days, but nothing like we used to. I took it hard and really re-evaluated the way I act in our relationship, but the fact is, I want her back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shane Falco Posted February 5, 2013 Share Posted February 5, 2013 We've actually been broken up for three weeks and I feel as though I've significantly changed in that time. We talked a little most days, but nothing like we used to. I took it hard and really re-evaluated the way I act in our relationship, but the fact is, I want her back. I doubt you've changed in three weeks. No one does. Plus, you aren't the only one who needs to change for the relationship to work. It's not all on you to make it work. She needs to do her own soul-searching as well. The odds of the relationship going back to exactly what it was if you get back together this quickly without any real time apart is high. But whatever, you are going to do whatever you want to do no matter what anyone says. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonDraper32 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Share Posted February 5, 2013 I doubt you've changed in three weeks. No one does. Plus, you aren't the only one who needs to change for the relationship to work. It's not all on you to make it work. She needs to do her own soul-searching as well. The odds of the relationship going back to exactly what it was if you get back together this quickly without any real time apart is high. But whatever, you are going to do whatever you want to do no matter what anyone says. I'm willing to listen, but everybody's just giving conflicting advice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shane Falco Posted February 5, 2013 Share Posted February 5, 2013 I'm willing to listen, but everybody's just giving conflicting advice Honestly, there are a few things going on here IMO. First of all, you are reacting emotionally when you say you have changed. It's easy to say "I'll be better, I swear!" but when push comes to shove, it's very easy to fall back into old habits. That's why so many people swear they are going to go on a diet as a New Year's Resolution but don't follow through. Before you say you've changed, you have to figure out a) why you two broke up and what you need to change in your life to fix that. That's not something that happens in three weeks. Another reason IMO that you want to get back in contact so quickly (or never lose contact) is fear. You think that once you really step back, it's over and by keeping contact, you are keeping up hope. But you want your ex to desire you again romantically and cherish what you bring to the table. To do that, she has to miss you a bit. How can she truly miss you if you are right there, whether it be via text, Facebook, or in person? I mean, she's not going to necessarily reject your contact because she's calling the shots. She can see you on her terms on her comfort level. She can slowly wean off of you or keep you around at her convenience. You aren't building attraction by allowing her to do that -- you are letting her transition you into more of a friend role. Honestly, there are posters ITT that disagree with me. But I have never seen their approach actually work for the long term. Sure, maybe you can get a kneejerk reconciliation and follow it up with another kneejerk breakup, but is that what you really want? I'm going to a wedding this summer for a friend who was broken up with his fiance for a year before reconciling, most of that time being in limited to no contact. You have to be strong enough to free yourself and really figure out what you want (completely different thing than figuring out who you want). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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