Very Conflicted

[gilmond]

I'll start out with by saying I'm half conflicted on whether I should pursue a relationship with a woman is an 8 year relationship but her bf has yet to ask her to marry him. So I'll start out how we initially met in high school which was over 10 year ago and we flirted back then but never really tried dating. We graduated went our separate ways she lingered in my mind every now and then as I wondered if I should have asked her out. I tried looking her up on facebook a few times here and there but never found her until recently. I recieved a 10 year reunion invite from my high school and I looked to see if she was on there and she was! So I sent her a friend request and she accepted and I asked her to dinner but had to cancel because of work but then I asked her to lunch on Saturday and she said yes so we met. We met at 3:40 ish and we talked for hours time flew by like crazy we laughed and had so much fun. We went and got mexican food at 9 and continued to have fun and then we went back to my apartment where we were going to watch groundhogs day but I didn't have it or on netflix. So we went on a little adventure to walmart because it was the only store that was open at the time which was around 11:00. We spent practically half the day together having so much fun and we are planning on seeing eachother this tuesday to go bowling.

 

So as you can see I don't know what to do my brain says be friends with her and spend time with her and try not to steal her away from her boyfriend because I don't want to be a douche bag but should I be selfish and try to win her? We were talking about plans during the summer time too and we want to go salsa dancing and we had the best hug after she left and she smelt so good and I threw on some cologne too to make sure I smelled like a champ. I don't know if she wanted to kiss me but I know I wanted to kiss her but I wouldn't do it because I don't want to be a douche bag. We have the potential to be great friends but her boyfriend of 8 years hasn't asked her to marry him yet and I have a feeling she became complacent because they never see eachother ever. What should I do?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Stay away. She will end up cheating on her boyfriend with you and then continue to stay with her boyfriend for whatever perks she is getting from him. I don't think this will end happily for you. Even if you did end up with her, would you want someone who is capable of cheating on her partner?

[MapleCanuck]

I agree with CrazyAboutDogs!

 

Also, you want someone over their ex! If you got her now, she would have so much left unresolved from her current relationship. Like crazy said, she night not leave her bf and you'd be left alone and hurt.

 

You two won't be natural friends. You want more! Don't become her guy friend. Let her know that you like her and play it cool. Tell her you don't want to disrespect her relationship. See what she says.

 

You may find she has no romantic interest in you, which will allow you to move on. If she does like you, explain that you can't move on your mutual interest until she is done with the current relationship. My main point, dot hang around waiting.

[darthbreezy]

What Crazyaboutdogs and Maple said. Don't be "the other man."

[Angel Irulan]

I am scared you are going to get hurt again, really bad this time because this crush you've had on her has been so long lasting.. I do NOT say give up on it though. I'd be friends. Yes, you might fall in love, but then again, you could decide it is a crush. Her relationship with this other guy sounds a bit stable, although not on the marriage track. I have posts somewhere on enotalone about women I've had as friends who've been hurt badly over a long term relationship where the guy just up and married someone else. My take is that longevity and seriousness are not the same thing!!!!! Really, he could be an 8 year ****buddy. You said in your post that she did not see him that often. So unless she mentions that she and he would feel this is a cheat, well, I'd be wary of jumping to any conclusions just yet.

 

 

My question to you is what went on in your life that you suddenly got up and started chasing a woman from your past? In times of questioning the first place we should look is within ourselves.

 

Angel

[gilmond]

I see your guys point I definitely don't want to get her that way but I am going to see her today tell her that I always had a crush on her and see what happens. As far as Angel I do really want to be friends but I would probably need to put it in my mind that she doesn't like me more then just friends. What recently happened in my life is my ex and I recently went our separate ways I tried getting her back for the first few months but now I am ready to move on. I attempted to date another woman but she was a bit young, 21, and she was very fickle and ended up started dating another guy. So once I seen the reunion and I had seen the crush was on the list it immediately brought back memories of how we were in high school but we never ended up with each other. So I don't really know what to think but I will be cautious and wary and try to have the strength to just be friends if that's what she wants.

[dianama]

Just not too close of friends because it seems like she would have you maybe enough but you wouldn't really have her the way you want. I agree with the first two posts, but I think bringing it up to her and backing off is best. Sounds like she has gotten a pretty good idea of what you are about and she could have. She might decide to reevaluate whatever she has going on, but rushing into anything could mess things up.