Not a rookie Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 Seriously? I would only act that way if I was looking for someone new. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosasnyder811 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 And why would you be looking for someone new? [because the person you are with isn't giving you what you want/need!] So he has the chance her to MAYBE salvage this before it's too late, if it isn't already! If he just lets it happen, though, it will most likely happen in subsequent relationships, unless he figures out what he is doing to cause it to happen. Seriously? I would only act that way if I was looking for someone new. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not a rookie Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 Or I found out about something that was a dealbreaker... and I am not referring to cheating here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not a rookie Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 Or maybe he is not the cause...maybe she is just interested in someone else...there can be many reasons. What's really important is that the OP is hurting. He definitely deserves better treatment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
audax Posted February 1, 2013 Author Share Posted February 1, 2013 Yes, I do realize I might come off as controlling. But all she tells me is that she "feels she can talk pretty much anything under the sun" with him, whereas she needs to think before talking to me. Also why lie about talking to him in the first place? That is what is putting me in a fix and making me doubt her intentions. Im not telling she should tell me each and every guy she talks to.. thats ridiculous, but when I ask her should she not come clean.. What is there to hide? And as far as making her feel comfortable, it is she who decides to end my calls citing various work reasons, and then call him up.When I am a call away too, what shes doing is not fair. I mean, I am the one who pays her all her bills n rent sitting 800 miles away just so that she need not work part time and concentrate on her course work. I care so much as to ensure shes not troubled by anything else.What makes you think I would not want to hear her problems? I'm all ears to silence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
audax Posted February 1, 2013 Author Share Posted February 1, 2013 Btw, I have been trying to reach for last two days.. All my calls have been ignored since I broached this topic with her. Just a couple of messages where she got real abusive and told me not to bring this topic up, if I want her to talk... Its getting so out of hand.. If I would have done something like this, and she asked me to back off, I would do it in a flash. Don't understand how u throw away almost 5 years of togetherness this way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not a rookie Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 Btw, I have been trying to reach for last two days.. All my calls have been ignored since I broached this topic with her. Just a couple of messages where she got real abusive and told me not to bring this topic up, if I want her to talk... Its getting so out of hand.. If I would have done something like this, and she asked me to back off, I would do it in a flash. Don't understand how u throw away almost 5 years of togetherness this way. Maybe she wants to get engaged or married? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
audax Posted February 1, 2013 Author Share Posted February 1, 2013 Maybe she wants to get engaged or married? Im up for it man!!! Just 25 actually, but I dont think it matters. I am just waiting for her to complete her graduate studies and land a job. Least she can do is talk to me about it. I just feel left out and uneasy that she is so comfortable with some other guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not a rookie Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 Well then propose to her. See what she says. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 I think you are being played too. This is the 'duck' scenario - i.e if it walks, talks and acts like a duck - it's a duck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justme3 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 No, don't propose to her. And what is all this duck talk and someone else comparing you to an ostrich in an earlier post? Why do you think she's not taking your calls? I think the inevitable is approaching. Just meet up with her, tell her what's going on with you and how you're feeling. Tell her your expectations and either accept what she has to say or walk away. It's time to get it all out on the table. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moneypenny Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 .... what shes doing is not fair.....I mean, I am the one who pays her all her bills n rent sitting 800 miles away just so that she need not work part time and concentrate on her course work. Nuff said. I don't know which is more hurtful and disrespectful, ^this; or the fact that she's been chatting with this guy for +4 years without your knowledge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SapphireNoir10 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 You pay her bills. She wants you to back off. She ignores you. She disrespects you. She is potentially emotionally cheating on you. Even if she wasn't cheating or talking to another guy...refusing to talk to you is horrible. Also if she wants you to back off. I don't think proposing will help. You deserve more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not a rookie Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 Well if you propose to her and she declines then you will know that you should remove her from your life permanently. You need get this resolved. Right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 >>I mean, I am the one who pays her all her bills n rent sitting 800 miles away just so that she need not work part time and concentrate on her course work. Oh dear... you are her meal ticket, and this guy is her new BF. i'm really sorry... she is probably stringing you along because you are picking up her tab. Please don't be naive... you shouldn't be paying all her bills unless you are her HUSBAND and you know she is faithful and true to you rather than dating other men and chatting them up into the middle of the night. She contacts you at 11pm in order to keep the 'paycheck' coming, then she does her long intimate 'good night sweetheart' calls with her real BF. Tell her she is welcome to talk to anybody she pleases, but you will not be paying her bills and rent while she does it. Please don't be a fool and let this woman use you for money. She will get thru school with you paying all her bills, then dump you when she either finds another guy who will pay or she is done with school and gets a job and doesn't need your money anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle23 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 She should not be doing this when she is with you. That is exactly how emotional affairs start. You have already told her you are not happy about it and she chose to ignore that. The only answer left is to give her an ultimatum and/or end the relationship. Long distance rarely work. And she is already driving you crazy by being too close to him and even comparing you to him which is just wrong. Telling you she can talk to him about things she cant talk to you about. That is very unfair. I think you should walk away with your head held high. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
audax Posted February 1, 2013 Author Share Posted February 1, 2013 You pay her bills. She wants you to back off. She ignores you. She disrespects you. She is potentially emotionally cheating on you. Even if she wasn't cheating or talking to another guy...refusing to talk to you is horrible. Also if she wants you to back off. I don't think proposing will help. You deserve more. Well I am trying to get her to talk this out.. I hate fighting about this like teens, what with the ignoring calls and messages and switching off her cell. I am very much looking forward to take the relationship further , but I require her to have the same degree of commitment as I do. Getting her to talk to me about this though is the toughest task here. I would hate breaking up cold turkey after spending such a long time together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
audax Posted February 1, 2013 Author Share Posted February 1, 2013 Thanks for the reply. But I dont think she is using me up for money. Would be a ghastly blow to me if she were actually doing that. Her ex-bf was much more well off than me, and she left him. So Im sure that is not the thing. I am trying to get things in order before it escalates out of hand. And I pay her bills just to help her out. I definitely do NOT feel she is obligated to me in anyway if Im doing this. Just want to make her feel good, not expecting her to be loyal just cause I'm helping her out financially. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camus154 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 What is it you want to hear, OP? You're making bad decisions right now because your ego won't let you accept the fact that things AREN'T just fine, that you are being taken advantage of and that your girlfriend is ALREADY emotionally cheating on you. You don't want to hear that, so...ok. What, then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle23 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 This isnt love. When its this confusing, this much drama, heartache, stress. WALK AWAY!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
audax Posted February 1, 2013 Author Share Posted February 1, 2013 What is it you want to hear, OP? You're making bad decisions right now because your ego won't let you accept the fact that things AREN'T just fine, that you are being taken advantage of and that your girlfriend is ALREADY emotionally cheating on you. You don't want to hear that, so...ok. What, then? So I should just let this go without even finding out why things are going wrong between us? I would definitely want closure. How can I just call it quits? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camus154 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 What's to find out? Do you really need a bunch of answers in order to accept reality and move forward? Or is that something you--or pop psychology--has told you is necessary? You'll never really know all the why's. No answer will ever be good enough. Because what you're really after is some magic explanation that makes you realize "hey, I get it now, this is all ok and I can move on now." It's not gonna happen. You're going to be miserable and upset over this either way. I think it's far better to face reality and deal with the crappy stage of getting over someone and focusing on just moving on with your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosasnyder811 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 It is really bothersome to read post after post telling this guy to threaten, give ultimatums', blah blah blah. Is that how we conduct our relationships in the 21st century? Last I checked, relationships were a give and take situation, and when something happens, there is fault from both sides. Sure, it is probably wrong what she is doing, but nobody starts talking or gravitating to someone else that is having all their needs fulfilled by their significant other. It seems like people in this day and age find it very difficult to look at themselves and what they are not providing to their partner. If you can't look at yourself and your own shortcomings, you really should not be in a relationship. If all you do is blame your partner for the problems in the relationship, you have communication issues. This is why divorce is so prevalent in this country. We don't want to work at anything. If it is hard, we give up. That is sad, how many wonderful relationships have ended or been prevented because people don't want to see the beautiful gift right in front of them? Then on a forum, someone comes looking for advice, and there are so many people that think they are providing advice, but in reality they are only providing ASSUMPTIONS. If you want to be great at giving advice, you have to put your own feelings aside and look at each situation objectively. It's hard, but some people have been done a great disservice because they receive advice based off of pure emotion rather than objective thinking. Be careful, please. I hate seeing so many people hurting and then giving up so easily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camus154 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 If you can't look at yourself and your own shortcomings, you really should not be in a relationship. If all you do is blame your partner for the problems in the relationship, you have communication issues. This is why divorce is so prevalent in this country. We don't want to work at anything. If it is hard, we give up. What you're missing is that not every relationship falls into the "marriage" bucket. These two aren't married. They're not engaged. What they are is long distance boyfriend and girlfriend. In this case, he's paying her bills while she threatens a breakup whenever he mentions how it bothers him when she's up till 2 AM talking to another guy. Those are the facts. I think it's better to focus on them instead of turning this into some moral commentary on how easily people get divorced nowadays. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SapphireNoir10 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 I also don't get what there is to find out. She hangs up on you to speak to another man for hours. Not on. she takes your money but treats you like this? I would say to her you wish to speak about all thats gone on and try and resolve it and if she not willing too that you take it as a sign the relationship is over. The ignoring and dissapearing might be her way of fading out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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