lovepugs86 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 We already went through this though.. about 3 months after we broke up, he told me thought there was a chance we could get back together, but he needed space so I gave it to him. 3 weeks ago he contacted me and told me that he doesn't want to give our relationship another chance. We met up and had our final closure and that's when he told me that after a long period of time, he wouldn't mind talking to me, but only if we didn't bring up the relationship. How long did it take for your ex to come back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosasnyder811 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 It doesn't matter how long it takes. This isn't about how long it takes, it's about the process. You have to be patient. You have to stay in contact. If he is worth it to you and you feel in your heart that he still cares about you, then you have to be patient. It could take 2 weeks, 2 months, or 2 years. You don't know. But if you sit around and think negative, you will get negative. I'm not going to keep going around in circles with you. I've told you what you need to do from my own experiences, and experiences with others. If you want to keep coming up with excuses, then maybe you aren't really serious about the process. Getting an ex back is a long, painful process. It's not for the weak of heart. You need to be committed to work on this for the long haul. If he isn't worth the wait, then you need to rethink what you are doing. We already went through this though.. about 3 months after we broke up, he told me thought there was a chance we could get back together, but he needed space so I gave it to him. 3 weeks ago he contacted me and told me that he doesn't want to give our relationship another chance. We met up and had our final closure and that's when he told me that after a long period of time, he wouldn't mind talking to me, but only if we didn't bring up the relationship. How long did it take for your ex to come back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovepugs86 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 I'm not going to wait for him any longer. Why would I wait 2 years for someone that might not ever want me back? If we are meant to be, it will happen. Time will tell... He should be trying to get me back now. The ball is in his court. I told him that I will always be open to talking to him, so he can contact me whenever he wants. I've been rethinking if he really is the "one". Someone who is the person you are supposed to marry doesn't just leave when things get hard.. and they don't change their mind. Maybe one day in the future, we will end up back together, but I'm not going to wait around my whole life for it. I'm trying to move on just like he wanted, but I will always be open to talking about our relationship as long as we are both not seeing anyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovepugs86 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 I've read many stories of ex's getting back together, but sometimes it takes a year or more. So I'm going to live my life for me now, and hopefully we can talk in the future. That's all that I can say about it now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosasnyder811 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 This is silly. Yes, they do. Sometimes we need time to ourselves. Sometimes we need time to evaluate our situation. Now you are just overthinking and being a little bit irrational. You expect him to contact you, but you say you will not wait for him. Yet, then you say you will always be open to talking to him. You're all over the place. I can't help you, because you don't even know what you really want, and you don't seem to think the hard work to get it is worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovepugs86 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 All I'm saying is, if a year goes by from now, and nothing has changed, then am I still supposed to wait? Even if we are in contact, but the conversations are strictly friendly and that's all? What if it's clear that he has completely moved on? There's a chance he could come back, but there's also a chance he won't and I'm just preparing myself for both options. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovepugs86 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 What was your situation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kristenelaine Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 All I'm saying is, if a year goes by from now, and nothing has changed, then am I still supposed to wait? Even if we are in contact, but the conversations are strictly friendly and that's all? What if it's clear that he has completely moved on? There's a chance he could come back, but there's also a chance he won't and I'm just preparing myself for both options. If you want to get back with your ex, take time to heal. Use this time...roughly 2 months...to heal and to start to feel better. You do not want to try to start over with someone when you are still hurting! Be open minded, dont have expectations, and keep calm. Be honest....dont try to play games. If in a year, things are the same and he hasnt shown any interest or nothing has moved forward at all....then time to move on. You need to be honest tho. If things have been taking a while, then ask him where he is at. But be smart about it. Dont pressure him into an answer and dont be upset if the answer isnt what you wanted to hear. SHOW HIM that you have made changes...not by throwing them in his face, but by just being who you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uk27 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 Also, right now, this may seem hard to imagine, but the three exes I am currently friends with, I would say one of them would consider getting back together.... However, I have moved on! Here is the magic of time and what you do with it- keeping contact may get you guys closer or it will finally take the other person off a pedestal and help you realize you don't need them. Trust me, you will not be waiting for him for a year- contact or no contact! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CutieGirl Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 To rosasynder811 I couldn't believe what I was reading. This advice is the worse advice a woman can follow. If YOU hadn't gone back to get HIM, would you honestly be back together now? Your method CAN work but it always establishing a horrible pattern. It won't be long before you'll start losing respect for him because he either become a big push-over or a master manipulator and it'll be all your fault. You are teaching him that he can act an ass and still always expect to have you waiting for him. Instead of respecting his decision to leave (which is what "real" love is) you selfishly ignore his request and insist on getting what you want. Maybe not now, but in a few months. You tell him: OK for NOW, but I'm not really gonna accept the break-up so I WILL CALL YOU AGAIN in a few months (because I want what I want, not the break-up you asked for). You are turning him into the biggest wimp by doing this. You are teaching him that he can whine and throw a fit to have his way and you'll always run after him and "make" yourself into what he's crying for. You teach him that he doesn't have to accept you for you. He doesn't have to grow up. He dumps you instead of taking the lead in trying to fix the relationship, hurting you and detroying your trust in the process, yet he never has to LIVE with the RESULTS of his bad decision making. If you keep doing that and contacting him in any way after he breaks up with you, you are teaching him that the way he treats you is 100% acceptable, he does not have to honor and respect you the way a real man should. YOU are creating a monster with your tolerant behaviour. So you might be engaged and about to marry, but I am telling you if he trips like that and leaves you again it will be your fault because you taught him that it was OK to treat you that way. If he does - Please don't EVER contact him again. I mean like not EVER! I don't want you to think I'm being mean and hateful to you. I'm not! I honestly pray that all will go well with you and that you will enjoy all the love and happiness your heart and hands can hold. I pray that your upcoming marriage will be wonderful and bring you joy and that he loves you unconditionally ALL the days of your life. I would want nothing less, but you need to learn how men work. You have to make them get off their asses sometimes. To the OP: I know you miss him and want to see him and talk to him. I understand, but men learn best through actions. They learn best with silence and distance. If they aren't smart enough to realize what they lost, you can't get in his face to try to convince him. It WILL NOT STICK. The relationship will always be YOU running after HIM. I know I have been there. I've been in situations where I waited a few months, lost weight, done all the things I thought would make me more desirable to him, and I DID get him back. But it never sticks because they never had to take the lead. They are just going along for the ride. So you are right. He left. He should see the mistake he made. He can see it best when you drop off the face of the planet and yes HE SHOULD be the one to initiate contact and re-establish the relationship. NOT YOU. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAMBS4LIONS Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 There are many of us who are on here wanting to hear from our ex because we still love them and miss them. Our thoughts and hearts are still with them day in and day out. They broke our heart's but we wish for their return. Some of us use NC as a mind game while others try to heal and improve themselves in many different ways. I broke up with my ex just over a year ago because i knew deep down that she no longer loved me. We were together for 12 years and i could feel that something was off. After a year of complete NC, i found out what that "something" was. I called her in December because i still loved her and wanted to reconcile. I hoped that this time apart would have made her realize how important i was to her but it didnt. When she picked up my phone call, i was greeted with "i am engaged and moving to Florida". I was in complete shock, i said goodbye to her. I was deeply hurt because of her words and because i had the feeling that she was interested in someone else before we broke up. A good friend of hers confirmed that she was starting to talk to this guy while we were still together. I dont regret breaking NC one bit because her last words to me gave me all of the closure i needed. I knew that there was nothing for me to go back to. Even though i was the one who pulled the trigger to leave her, she was gone far before that. As much as i still hurt, i know that i will be o.k. without her because i deserve so much better than her. As for your question, i know that i will never talk to her again, not because of hate but because i love myself too much to ever allow her to hurt me again. Some ex's will eventually reach out while others will become just people who we once shared a life with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovepugs86 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Seriously thank you so much for writing this I thought I was the only one that disagreed with her advice!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uk27 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Just because i think it may be relevant, rosasnyder might be a man , not a woman..... Im not sure though, the context mentioned is engagement to a woman, hence the assumption Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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