itsallgrand Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I understand your feelings. You weren't feeling well, and oh look!, there's Mr. Friend out to play. Not where your personal mind space was. But I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe your reaction was mostly bc you were feeling so crappy? It's not too hard to make that leap where he might have thought this wouldn't have upset you. He probably thought nothing of it - my girl isn't well, but I want to be around her while I do this, and she's never had a problem with me masturbating before. You mentioned he already knows it upset you, and he felt bad about it, so I think you should let it go now. And guys can be sensitive too. Obviously I don't know where he is at, but he might have had his feelings hurt too by your reaction. Just something to consider. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 No one's being insensitive to her. They're just not treating her like a delicate flower because her boyfriend masturbated next to her in bed. Maybe it's just an age thing. Young people have a tendency of taking themselves way too seriously. The fact you seem to be over looking Camus is not that he simply masturbated next to her (as she herself has said, he's done it before) but the fact he did WHILE she had a migraine right next to her. Now until the OP clarifies I'm going to assume she means the kind of migrain that makes you want to poke your own eyes out with a fork. Even if it's a minor migrain, it's still insensitive to masturbate next to your partner who clearly has already told you they aren't feeling well for whatever reason. Not that you CAN'T masturbate but maybe in that instance it's wise to go else were and take care of your business. Again, repeat, not that you CAN'T but maybe have some consideration for your partner who isn't feeling well. Would he still not be insensitive (as you see it) if she was lying next to him throwing up? Running a fever? Couldn't breath because of sinuses? Just curious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EssexMan Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 This whole thing is strange to me. For me, masturbation is a pretty private thing, unless she is somehow involved. I'd never lay in bed with a woman and just masturbate while she reads or sleeps or anythiong else. Exactly. It's much like eating or farting in bed, fine on your own but not something somebody else necessarily wants to share in. Though actually...thinking about that...maybe Gilson and I are saying that because we wouldn't feel comfortable doing it, not because it's actually wrong toward the other person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Exactly. It's much like eating or farting in bed, fine on your own but not something somebody else necessarily wants to share in. That's where people have differing ideas about what is ok and what isn't, when it's sharing and when it's not. The more I think about this the more I'm leaning to the idea that the bf didn't realize just HOW awful OP felt at that time. Giving the benefit of the doubt, and since they do share masturbating together usually, that makes the most sense. There's "I'm not feeling so good, but it's still fun to watch you honey" then there is "I feel like S T!" right?! lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 If you had previously expressed that it made you uncomfortable that he masturbated while in bed with you that would be different. But you say you have no problem with that. On this occasion it would not be likely to make your migraine worse - but it seems you somehow wanted him to share in your discomfort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 There's "I'm not feeling so good, but it's still fun to watch you honey" then there is "I feel like S T!" right?! lol. Exactly, which it just sounds like a lack of proper communication. If I didn't feel like sex (ie, just not in the mood) my husband could masturbate next to me all night. If I felt like crap - like genuinely sick - even I'd be pretty ticked that he didn't at least have some compassion and go into another room. However I'd do the same if our tables were reversed - I wouldn't whip out the vibrator while lying next to him if he was physically ill but maybe I'm an odd human. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Exactly, which it just sounds like a lack of proper communication. If I didn't feel like sex (ie, just not in the mood) my husband could masturbate next to me all night. If I felt like crap - like genuinely sick - even I'd be pretty ticked that he didn't at least have some compassion and go into another room. However I'd do the same if our tables were reversed - I wouldn't whip out the vibrator while lying next to him if he was physically ill but maybe I'm an odd human. Same here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 The only way I can sleep with a migraine is to lay a bag of ice on my eyes. If his movement disturbed my ice, I'd have been cranky. Otherwise, his movement would have been a familiar comfort, and all would be right with the world. Except for my migraine. I'd skip making a problem out of this, and instead I'd reach for some of the sex I missed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritofFire Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Personally, that was uncalled for from your bf. That wasn't necessary for him to do, especially if you weren't feeling to well. I feel like he was taunting you somehow with this, if you can't be please by you, then I do it without you and in your face as some soft of comeback. I say bring it up and talk about it. If that hurt your feelings, and he felt bad about it, discuss it and end that chapter. Do it for your emotional needs so this doesn't happen again. I personally as a dude wouldn't do this in the front of someone with migraine. Image if he had migraines and you were masturbating by him and saying how good it feels. I would feel irritated at that moment, but perhaps happy to be left alone too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camus154 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 The fact you seem to be over looking Camus is not that he simply masturbated next to her (as she herself has said, he's done it before) but the fact he did WHILE she had a migraine right next to her. Well, I was replying more towards the previous comment that no matter what her reasons--even if she simply wasn't in the mood--it's insensitive to do this. Now, having a migraine I can certainly understand not wanting your partner to be masturbating next to you. I agree that's kind of a given. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natasha24 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I don't see what there is to "talk about" here. I can understand being annoyed because you didn't feel well, but thinking his actions were "hurtful" strikes me as pretty self-indulgent. Even more so if you try to have some discussion with him about it later. Let it go. I agree with this. You say when he's sick, you cuddle him. But what is he supposed to do for you when you have a migraine? I don't think he did anything wrong. If anything, I give him credit for masturbating instead of continuing to bother you for sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hazelynut Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 ...so anyway, I decided to just drop it since I know he had no actual intent of being insensitive. If it comes up again I'll be more straightforward. I ended up taking catfeeder's advice and catching up on some sex. Good times. Thanks everyone for the feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pleasedonot5 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 @OP I personally would think that my partner was a bit odd if they started masturbating in front of me after I said that I wasn't feeling well. However, he might not have initially thought it was rude and weird at first until you talked to him about it. Quite honestly, if it was bugging you, you should have told him right away if you waited. Don't wait until after he finishes to tell him politely to go somewhere else first -- that you think he is being kind of rude. Him masturbating isn't the problem, the fact that it was so rudely and blatantly in front of you is. However, I do think this is an issue that the two of you can talk out easily. Best of luck to both of you. Hope this helps! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capilot Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Question... if you have a migraine, your boyfriend starts to initiate sex, you tell him sorry, I have a migraine and feel terrible -- and then he immediately decides to masturbate instead right next to you, would you be upset? Yeah; he sounds like a pouty little boy, denied his candy. That's a seriously passive-aggressive thing to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superfan Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Wow. I think this is an INCREDIBLY insensitive thing to do. INCREDIBLY. Maybe this is coming from the fact that I am a frequent migraine sufferer and I KNOW how painful they can get (I can be hospitalized because of them up to 2 or 3 times a month sometimes), but when someone is in that amount of pain it is INCREDIBLY insensitive to behave that way after being denied sex. Contrary to popular belief, men CAN control themselves, so that alone would bother me. I might be slightly less annoyed if he went into the bathroom or did it in private, but the fact remains if he is busy pleasuring himself RIGHT beside you while you are in agony, that is beyond rude. My husband suffers from IBS so he frequently has times where he is unable to have sex because his stomach is causing him so much pain. If I were to turn around and grab a vibrator while he was doubled over and hurting, that would be really mean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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