BrianH46 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I don't understand why you were getting bashed but try telling them early on that what you want is a committed relationship, at your age it shouldn't turn women away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happpybear Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 In other words they want to go out with a film-maker, not with you. that is a good point, film-maker is a "sexy" profession, are these girls artsy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EssexMan Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 hey it might not be for some girls, but others might find that too many, personally i would, that's just me because i'm a relationship girl, and when i look for relationship minded men, i don't want one that has had almost a dozen one night stands. I am just expressing my opinion, but i'm sure there are many other woman who think like this too. Fair enough, I'm just kind of astonished. I mean, if he'd been deliberately turning down relationships in favour of these (very scarce) one-night stands that would be one thing, and if he'd had them all in the last month (which I'm presuming isn't the case) that would be another. But one a year, more or less, just doesn't seem excessive to me at all. Anyway, that's an abstract discussion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dog stevens Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 that is a good point, film-maker is a "sexy" profession, are these girls artsy? Yeah, these girls are artsy and I'm artsy too, but I value having a stable job and don't want to ditch my stable job to pursue an unstable career as a filmmaker. Edit: And for what it's worth I'm a creative writer too and write in my free time because that doesn't cost money like filmmaking, but for whatever reason these girls seemed to not care about the writing and wanted me to work on my own film projects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EssexMan Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Yeah, these girls are artsy and I'm artsy too, but I value having a stable job and don't want to ditch my stable job to pursue an unstable career as a filmmaker. Edit: And for what it's worth I'm a creative writer too and write in my free time because that doesn't cost money like filmmaking, but for whatever reason these girls seemed to not care about the writing and wanted me to work on my own film projects. Just a wild guess here (because I've been in slightly similar situations): are you dating self-consciously "alternative" girls? And maybe finding that you actually would be better off with someone a little more conventional? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 ^I love the way you phrased that "self consciously alternative". lol. Yuppers, more and more I think it's that you are looking at the wrong wimmins. This whole thing is hilarious to me in a strange personal way. Will leave it at that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveSoDeep Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Well, one girl seemed to be concerned that I've never been in a relationship. Sorry, I have to say at 27 to have never had a relationship....to me that's a BIG red flag. I wonder if you have commitment issues or that there's something wrong with you that no woman can stand you....it's like having a job if you've never done it at your age it's going to be harder to get that firts one b/c other guys have more experience and relationship experience is important. Two other girls were concerned that I wasn't working on any film projects. I have a film degree but filmmaking doesn't appeal to me anymore. For some reason girls think that makes me a slacker, but it's really just because I don't want to be a filmmaker. With that being said, one of these girls seemed to be interested in me again once I got a film related job. Do you live in LA or NY by chance....if so stop dating actresses! Many of them just want a role not a bf. I'm actually an actress I lived in LA for a while and I never dated filmmakers b/c they didn't want me for me. Don't tell them about he degree tell them you work in sound and be done with it....date girls with normal jobs...there's plenty of them around too I promise. Another girl got upset because when she was telling me about her trip to Europe she said I didn't seem to care much about it. I always have a bad time when I travel so that's why I wasn't that interested in her story. But this girl was the closest I came to a relationship. I would have been over you too....but honestly this was just a case of you weren't right for each other. You weren't into her hobbies that's not really going to change. I'll try to think of some others. And to clarify some more, I don't tell girls about the one night stands, so it's not like that could be the reason they reject me. Yeah I'm not sure if they can tell but if it comes out that you're not a virgin but that you've also never had a relationship.... what else is there beside purely casual sex? Yeah, these girls are artsy and I'm artsy too, but I value having a stable job and don't want to ditch my stable job to pursue an unstable career as a filmmaker. Edit: And for what it's worth I'm a creative writer too and write in my free time because that doesn't cost money like filmmaking, but for whatever reason these girls seemed to not care about the writing and wanted me to work on my own film projects. Again stop it with the artsy girls...lol I am one and I can see you're getting the wrong ones...it's the film industry equivalent of a gold digger! lol Really have you dated normal girls who work as accountants, receptionists, or in marketing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 It's easy to tell who has casual sex without them admitting it, so they they might not know a number or anything, it's still obvious. I am the geekiest, most timid, most socially awkward guy you'll ever meet. And yet...! Also: I've seen a lot of threads where a guy is freaking out over a girl's number, and he's told to calm down and stop worrying about it. Why do dog's one-night stands matter? Numbers are context-free, they could be relationship-y or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrianH46 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I am the geekiest, most timid, most socially awkward guy you'll ever meet. And yet...! Also: I've seen a lot of threads where a guy is freaking out over a girl's number, and he's told to calm down and stop worrying about it. Why do dog's one-night stands matter? Numbers are context-free, they could be relationship-y or not. Lol good point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 OP, it seems we all are intrigued by your predicament. I am coming up with a two-pronged plan: 1) date only women in whom you may want to invest your intellectual energy, and 2) have a short plausible soundbite about no relationship. Go slow. #1 will keep you interested, and #2 will give her trust and time to give you a chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dog stevens Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 I'm not going for actresses. One girl was a musician but that was the closest I came to a relationship. I've also gone for teachers/administrative assistants/etc. But on the whole I generally don't click with non-artsy girls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I personally wouldn't care if a person had a string of one night stands. I also think it's extremely unfair to say you have to be a certain type of person or you come accross as a certain way to be a person who has had a few one night stands. One of the geekiest guys I knew was a total skirt chaser. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Well, dog, I am a big personal believer that you get what you give out. If you are apathetic (which is a vibe I get from how you write - though I may be wrong here), you'll get apathy. If you feel desperate enough to have a string of one night stands, you may give off an unattractive vibe to women. If you don't care too much about pushing forward in your career, you may repel women looking for an ambitious man. And so on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dog stevens Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 If you don't care too much about pushing forward in your career, you may repel women looking for an ambitious man. I care lots about pushing forward my career. As I said earlier I have a good job with benefits and I see myself making around six figures in 10 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 I'm not going for actresses. One girl was a musician but that was the closest I came to a relationship. I've also gone for teachers/administrative assistants/etc. But on the whole I generally don't click with non-artsy girls. Yet you haven't got past the two date mark, so let's be honest, shouldn't it all be open for revision? I mean, if you are serious about finding someone to get close to? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FYI Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 It's really not that hard to score with women if you're just honest about it and don't try to be misleading. They're not stupid. There are plenty of women who know that and actually want the same stringless commitment who will give it up. Like you, they've got careers and other things going on and they just want someone to come by and clean out her drain pipes every now and then. But when you try to undercut it and play salesman that's when they get turned off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dog stevens Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 Yet you haven't got past the two date mark, so let's be honest, shouldn't it all be open for revision? I mean, if you are serious about finding someone to get close to? Good point, but I've at least had one night stands and dates with artsy girls. I've NEVER been able to get anything with non-artsy girls and yes I've tried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angler Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Both behaviors say you do not equate sex, love, and relationships. And what is wrong with that? Do you believe this to be a moral deficiency? The only difference between us and other animals is that we have somehow constructed and supported the notion that anything pleasurable must be wrong, and should occur under a strict set of pretenses to be acceptable. "Well I don’t know who made the golden rule that sex and love had to go together, Because I’ve enjoyed love without sex and sex without love. And they quite often come together but quite often they don’t. John Lennon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Good point, but I've at least had one night stands and dates with artsy girls. I've NEVER been able to get anything with non-artsy girls and yes I've tried. Well I'm not trying to say that you need to disqualify "artsy girls" (would love to hear more of a description of the types of women you are usually attracted to, other than this vague artsy girls comment which makes me think of alterna-fandom-chicks) but that it might be a good idea to widen your net and get serious about weeding out the ones looking for one nighters and an image of a man rather than the man himself (you!). I won't take a moral stance on your one night adventures, but I do think men who are looking for a relationship stand out and it is like night and day from a man who is in "well at least I got a one nighter out of it" mode. And if you really want to attract someone looking to get to know you for you and for a relationship, you increase your chances of finding one ten fold simply by making that leap. I don't get the sense you are there. I get the sense, like FYI, that you really are ok with one night stands enough that you will continue to pursue them when the chance is there. And in my experience, a guy really wanting a relationship, doesn't tend to do that - he'll tend to "next" and move on without sleeping with those women. When I said I laughed in a personal way, I didn't mean it to be mean, but it made me think of myself and my relationships. Invariably, somehow, with a man involved in some art somehow (musicians, artists, writers). The funny thing about that is I am not what anyone would look and say "she's an artsy girl" and I never was one who had fantasies of being with a guy involved in those professions - on the contrary, I saw these things as minus' instead of plus' and tried really hard to make the distinction clear that , and it sounds bad but essentially, I liked the person despite them being in the arts so heavily, and despite them having to maintain a certain professional image that way. I don't like that stuff - the fandom bs, the associated lifestyle and image stuff. Yet I was a huge supporter of the person. So with all that, how come there have been some good relationships out of that? Cause there was a connection at something deeper. The point I'm making? Look beneath the skin of the person. It's a personal pet peeve of mine that so many (generalization here, warning!!) people involved in the arts have this preconception about other people in the arts and how somehow if the connection is made - musically, artistically, etc etc - then bam that leads to a good relationship. Not to sound like a douche, but there is a standing cliche about the egos here. Can you feel it ready to drop off my tongue? anyhow good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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