What does it mean when one says "Don't settle for less&

[Double J]

Does it mean not to settle for less in terms of looks, personality, or both? I've realized that I can truly say I settled for less in the looks department once with an ex, and it didn't work out, maybe because I didn't like her enough physically (but did get with her because of personality). Yet, there is another girl I was with who treated me much worse, but I was super attracted to her.. and to this day, I think of her much more.

 

So my question is.. what constitutes settling for less? How do you know if you're settling for less or not?

[Beec]

I think what probably matters the most is what matters to you the most. We all prefer different things. So, make sure you get what floats your boat, not someone else's.

[sasha12]

I would have to say to me it means don't lower your standards for someone else.

[Mun]

When I say that I mean : don't settle and accept mistreatment or disrespect of any kind. I'm not referring to looks at all, but to the way someone treats you.

[wlfpack81]

Usually it does mean looks though (or $$$). Face it you have to both be of somewhat equal attraction (be it hot or ugly) for a relationship to work. Just a fact of life no one likes to admit but I'll say it freely.

 

Like Dave Chapelle I'm "keeping it real" LOL

[Mun]

wlfpack81,

You have a good point. As Beec said it's what matters to you the most.

 

In my case I wouldn't date a good looking man with lots of money who treated me like dirt. I would rather date a man with modest means that I'm attracted to who treats me with respect. That's my standard.

[MiquelAngelo]

I think it should mean NOT lowering your standards because you will be miserable in the end. I don't drink, or smoke or do drugs and I'm not a party animal . So obviously falling for someone who does all those things would be an example of "ME lowering my standards" She might be hot but if I am really honest with myself I know she will never make me happy.

This actually happened to me and she was HOTTTTT but her drug problem was all I could see and it was ugly. I could date her but I will never fall in love with her and much less marry her.

[Beec]

If you think about it, lots of things matter to almost all of us when we pick a mate. Most of us want people with similar values, some similar interests, who fall within a certain physical range, etc. We want people who meet a combination of characteristics.

 

One guy may say he wants to date a woman taller than 5'6", who is at the largest a size 10, with brown or dark hair, a college degree, and of a protestant relgion, but with liberal values and an easy-going personality.

 

Another guy may want a shorter, slimmer, blonde, who is jewish, conservative, bubbly and moody at times and will not care about her education or profession.

 

A search on an internet dating site may take all of these things into account.

 

Some may not care or be able to list the physical, religious, educational, moral, political and professional characterisitics of a person who does it for him or her. Some may not care about one or put almost all their stock in one characteristic. One may go for a trait, such as an insecure person and deny that this trait attracts them.

 

The idea about not settling is to wait for the person who makes you feel special.

[lonelynshy]

Muneca, what do you mean by "treats you like dirt"? I'm just curious. Every person has his/her own threshold. I am a very sensitive man and part of the reason I've been a failure with girls is that ALL of them inevitably end up hurting me whether they realize it or not. So is the problem with me or them?

[Mun]

Hi Lonelyshy,

The problem is not you or them. The problem is that sometimes we don't walk away when we see the warning signs that this person is not good for us. We stick it out hoping they will change, they usually don't.

 

I would say a man who treats me like dirt is one who doesn't call, only calls when he wants something, doesn't take me out- or takes me out but expects me to pay all the time. He doesn't return my calls, never comes to me, but expects me to go to him--cheats, lies...and basically plays games. Any one of these and he is out the door.

 

Sometimes it's not so obvious when someone is mistreating you or taking you for granted, but there are always little signs.

 

To paraphrase what Beec said : It's how this person makes you FEEL that matters.

[chanceit]

This brings up the ultimate phliosical question:

 

If you had the choice between a girl/guy you got on great with and really fancied you and you fancy but wasn't really that pretty or one that you got on just as well and you fancied each other just as much with but was incrediably pretty who would/should you choose?

 

Think about this one carefully.....The answer is not necessarly as obvious as you would think...

[Beec]

It is not an easy choice. Two people both of which one gets along the same with is unlikely to happen, but if it did and one had to chose between them, one might not always choose the better looking person. I think that ocne again, it all boils down to the specific person doing the choosing.

 

An instance in which one might not choose the better looking is when the person is really physically beautiful and the person who is choosing feels they might be jealous by others looking at their partner. One also might occur if there is a physical appearance preference that the better looking one does not meet, say you only want to date people with brown eyes. I am sure there are others. It's all about how you feel.