Why do so many men always go for younger women

[Grace696]

OP: I agree strongly with everything allcity has said in this thread.

 

You have decided that this is the way the world is, and you are determined to "prove" it to yourself. Even if that means dismissing any evidence that goes against it.

 

I believe that, to a certain extent, we create our own reality, based on how we choose to view the world and what we choose to focus on (the previously mentioned self-fulfilling prophecy). Well, guess what: in my world, men are not "going for younger women". Some of them are with younger women; some of them are with older women; some are with women of the same age. Some men care a lot about this sort of thing. Plenty don't. My last three boyfriends have all been 3+ years younger than me. No one cared.

 

This issue is only as big as YOU make it.

 

I have found CBT therapy really great for making me see the other options of how the world is and getting me out of limited ways of thinking. You may find it helpful.

[Fudgie]

Curious about what you think is going to be so great about being in your 30's that will give you an edge over women your age and will suddenly attract throngs of younger women? Women of all ages reject, discard men of all ages. In my experience there's nothing magic about being in your 30's.

 

Whatever has happened seems to have really hurt you, I'm sorry to hear this.

 

I think he means 30s women coming to him when he's in his 30s, the same women who reject him now.

 

It happens. Many women who are not forward thinking end up with bad partners and push out their babies. After years of mistreatment, they leave and then try to seek out the "nice" men, usually without children, to be the stepfathers.

 

I don't blame him for wanting to reject them. Esp when he'd likely be stuck raising some other man's kids.

[Zuri]

So far, I have read up to this post. I agree.

 

When I was on a dating website recently I put 28 - 50 as the age range I preferred. I'm 38. The profiles of men my age and older almost always were looking for woman aged 21 - 35. Sometimes the max age was a little lower than 35. I can understand some people preferring younger whether it is a man or a woman but I did see an overwhelming number of men in the 35ish - mid 40s age range totally filtering out woman more than 1 or 2 years older than themselves. Even if I fit within a guy's age range, if he was a 40 year old and looking for a woman aged 21-40 I would not waste my time. Big turn off to me, especially since most of the men in my age range were usually quite unattractive and out of shape. I would also like to add that middle aged men (and women) don't HAVE to look so ... Well, typically middle aged. We just have to work a little harder at it as we age. The problem is that most people are too darn lazy to put in the necessary effort.

I'm more impressed by a man my age who takes care of his body in such a way that it shows than I could ever be by a man in his 20's who is equally as "fit". I've seen them (the lean athletic looking 40 something man) and they turn my head. Lean athletic looking guy who appears to be in his 20s? I don't think I take notice now that I think about it.

[Reflective82]

etheral- it isn't what happened to them ONLY though, there are lots and lots of examples of this. One of our family friend's husbands has just left her for a younger woman. However I think I need to accept that whilst this does happen, it doesn't apply to EVERYONE. It does seem like a significant trend though....

[Fudgie]

I think it is wise to accept that there *are* many men out there who do prefer younger women for superficial reasons. Now, out of these men, there are men who would jump at the chance to be with one, even if it meant cheating or leaving the wife. Yes, there are many men like this. You can't change that. You can't do anything about it.

 

Now, there are men out there who are not like this. Instead of letting this strike fear into you that you may pick a "bad" one, use it to empower yourself to make SMART, RIGHT choices about men. Don't fall in love too easily. Don't allow someone to BS you. Watch behaviour carefully. Don't be afraid to step out of a new relationship when you see red flags. Throw that fish back into the ocean and try again.

[Reflective82]

Thanks Fudgie- I hope I can make a good choice next time, as I thought I had found @the one" but it blew up

[Centi]

They are emotionally immature still, still into drinking too much on a wednesday night, and i think just have peter pan syndrome..

 

Does 3-4 pints count as too much on a Wednesday night? I feel terrible now...

 

I'm just reading the thread because I find it fascinating. I am 24 (25 in april) and I don't know if I want someone much younger than me. I went on a date with a 20 year old who I deem to be quite mature for her age and I felt old. I can't put my finger on exactly what it was that made me feel that way. I have boundless things to talk to her about and really enjoy our conversations, but I feel awkward. Is that strange?

 

I have my age filters set to 20-26 on my online dating profile, but I am considering raising it to 22-26.

[EssexMan]

Does 3-4 pints count as too much on a Wednesday night? I feel terrible now...

 

That'll be the hangover.

 

I'm just reading the thread because I find it fascinating. I am 24 (25 in april) and I don't know if I want someone much younger than me. I went on a date with a 20 year old who I deem to be quite mature for her age and I felt old. I can't put my finger on exactly what it was that made me feel that way. I have boundless things to talk to her about and really enjoy our conversations, but I feel awkward. Is that strange?

 

Nope. It's not just the years as a number...it's also the years as a percentage of your life (three years is irrelevant if you're 55, quite something if you're 20) and the fact that people mature at different rates at different stages of life.

 

I have my age filters set to 20-26 on my online dating profile, but I am considering raising it to 22-26.

 

That's interestingly narrow, but maybe it reflects what I just wrote above. Mine were set at 30-55, as I recall, when I was just shy of 46.

[Centi]

I have it 2 years above my age. I just find that women older than me are at a different place in life and that I shouldn't even bother trying.

Maybe it's because I'm starting to regret my lack of education (2 years of uni) I already have a good job with a career path and good pension etc, but in the back of my mind I feel like I'm lacking. I have plenty of friends with degrees who I know I am more intelligent than, but that piece of paper just kills me.

[Centi]

That'll be the hangover.

 

Wait...you're joking right?

[EssexMan]

Wait...you're joking right?

 

Of course. With the hangover comment, not the rest.

[Gilson]

I don't specifically seek out younger women. On the dating sites there are several women between ages 33-43 that I find attractive both physically and what they have to say. The 33yos might look 33 and the 43yos might look younger to me.

 

I see a lot of women my age, and I just think they look a LOT older than I see myself.

 

On that site I posted a pic of me in a beard. One women said I look 10 years older. A women I went out with recently said I look 10 years younger (regardless of the beard). People usually take me as 10 years younger anyway.

[Solo Pilot]

I think it is wise to accept that there *are* many men out there who do prefer younger women for superficial reasons. Now, out of these men, there are men who would jump at the chance to be with one, even if it meant cheating or leaving the wife. Yes, there are many men like this. You can't change that. You can't do anything about it.

 

Now, there are men out there who are not like this. Instead of letting this strike fear into you that you may pick a "bad" one, use it to empower yourself to make SMART, RIGHT choices about men. Don't fall in love too easily. Don't allow someone to BS you. Watch behaviour carefully. Don't be afraid to step out of a new relationship when you see red flags. Throw that fish back into the ocean and try again.

 

Yes listen to this person. Very wise beyond his\her years. Anyway I would be scared if I were a woman. Lots and lots of guys are shallow and superficial. Just look at someone of the guys who post on this website. Thanks to porn and TV programming that has become more and more open to sex, the male population is constantly bombarded by these images. This just makes guys lust after flesh that's considered 'sexy' and 'hot'. So obviously older guys feeling these 'desires' satisfy their needs by going after younger girls. They know there's little chance of a little relationship given the typical immaturity level of these girls not to mention being in different places in their life then themselves.

 

Take heart. There are honest good guys out there that know don't totally place a mate's value based solely on her looks. I mean sure a man has to be attracted to his lady, but a good guy will now that no one has that perfect body and beauty fades over time. You just need to use good judgement and try to reevaluate what kind of guys your attracted too. If he watches porn or you catch him constantly staring at other girls when your with him (e.g. eating at a restaurant and him checking out other women) then he's probably no good.

[Reflective82]

Solo- yes it is great advice. I previously ignored red flags, old bfs criticising me putting on a bit of weight etc- now I know that is not a good sign and someone who may cheat or leave down the track. It is just very hard to always tell- some of my parents friends who left their wives you would never have expected. But you just have to read the signs as much as you can. I seem to attract quite superficial men I have noticed- the ones who watch my weight and comment on my clothing

[Solo Pilot]

Good Morning! Have you ever been attracted to men who aren't superficial? Since your pretty I assume you are only attracted to guys who are considered 'hot' and are generally superficial and shallow. Not trying to be rude just wondering.

[The Raviator]

27, attractive... and, worrying about getting left for a younger woman?

 

Your insecurity does not stem from any mans behavior and understanding why men like younger women isn't going to help.

[meoww]

Ew. Who are the creeps who claim they couldn't possibly date a woman their age because they just look too young...haha I really doubt that. I've dated way older guys back in the day and in no way did they look like one of my peers.

 

I don't think age matters within reason, and people should probably strive to be their best mentally and physically no matter where they are in life.

 

And at the end if the day, if you have any large pores and any wrinkles at all, and have lost that general glow of youth, there is no way you're fooling the younger people. I thought my 28 year old ex boyfriend was like 35 when met him at 20. You kind of just know if someone's in your peer group or not...

 

It just annoys me when I come accross posters talking about 'pulling' women like they have gotten it down to a science. It's pathetic and weird,

[Reflective82]

Hey Solo- well i guess hotness depends on individual taste- I do think my boyfriends have been good looking, but maybe some other people wouldn't think that. And some people wouldn't fancy me either. I don't aim to attract superficial guys but have just noticed I do. I wish I did fancy some of my friends boyfriends who are more "safe" as they are now the ones getting engaged whilst none of my boyfriends have settled down with me - so the penny is dropping a bit :S

[Zuri]

Meoww, I've heard just as many women as men say stuff like: women/men my age just LOOK older. Or: I look young for my age.

I think a lot of people are in denial.

[itsallgrand]

What I find interesting about your thinking, OP, is that it is leading you into this idea of trying to be the younger one. To date guys even older than you have, and essentially, play this game of trying to compete on the quality of youth.

 

My thinking is quite different. And somehow I've avoided a lot of angst about my age, even tho I am a woman in her thirties. At about your age, I had a mini crisis about it. At 29, a long term relationship ended. And it ended with him cheating with a sig. younger woman. The mini crisis was brief. First off, there is nothing I can do about my age. And second off, people do things for all kinds of reasons. I was with that person for close to 7 years. It wasn't just about him looking for someone younger. And it's been a mixed bag for him since we parted - what you don't often hear is how many bombs there were along the way, and the younger one was the first one to actually give the guy a chance.

 

And you know what? If the defining reason someone gets with someone, is because they like them younger, then I don't care. I don't care because that has nothing to do with me and I will not get on some merry go round of trying to stay eternally young. I have always preferred someone close to my own age. I like the idea of sharing it all together. What comes with different stages, getting older, changes. Accepting it in me, I can accept it in you. And actually cherish it and enjoy it.

 

I would not get on that merry go round for anything in the world. I hope you use this opportunity to hop off it yourself. You are 27 now. Perhaps in the past, even if you don't want to admit it, you have rode a bit on your youth and the privileges it can sometimes give. The extra mile some people - especially men - will go to in order to get the attention of a young body. I'm not trying to be crude. I just think the reality is, yes, sometimes men are driven by that and every woman has had an experience with that. Sometimes she may have used it to her advantage, and when you get into your later twenties, you realize, that is not going to last forever. You have to bring something else. You have to bring the full package. The pretty wrapping isn't enough anymore.

 

That can be depressing, or it can be pretty damn liberating. You don't have to worry about it. You don't have to think about those men who are going for younger women. You don't have to bother about it at all. You focus on you. More than ever! In my mind, there are two classes to those who go for younger women. There is the ones you really want to avoid and can with a little bit of care - the ones who are all about the superficiality of it, the sex, the fun of being with a young body. They are a bit like predators, in a way, scoping out the fringe of the herd. Maybe they are stuck in some age denial themselves, want to be always young, or are kinda f ed up with some issues. Then there are the rest. They might have been with, or might be with, or might in the future leave and be with a younger women. But they aren't rotten. Maybe they find their match, finally, and she is younger. OR maybe it is simply easier to find and date younger ones - whatever. It often is easier for a man to find a younger woman - there are still so many women looking for older men, honestly. So the dynamic is fed both ways.

 

But the important thing is not to get all caught up in the youth factor, the youth quality, as being some focal point of YOUR life. Leave 'em to it, the ones who do, and avoid them. I think you might have troubles with that if you make the youth quality a focal point of who you choose to date and become involved with. That's just my opinion, tho. If you are going to be dating men sig older, and who may be looking for that sig younger woman, you are setting yourself up IMO needlessly for age related angst.

[justalonejim]

to be honest when they get there kit off it just looks nicer lol why am I alone????????lol

[Centi]

Ew. Who are the creeps who claim they couldn't possibly date a woman their age because they just look too young...haha I really doubt that. I've dated way older guys back in the day and in no way did they look like one of my peers.

 

I certainly hope that what I said did not fall into this category. I will clarify though, I felt old in relation to her with regards to pop culture that I followed and with life experiences that she has not yet had. I am not opposed to someone younger than me if they can relate to me on a certain level.