CaliforniaGirl2222 Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 I see so many comments saying "well younger woman are hotter" Yeah of course they are! And guess what? So are younger men. Woman AND men age. It's a fact of life. Some better than others due to genetics and/or taking care of oneself. Even then, we will all get old and grey; if we are lucky!! Most people that are in a relationship with someone 10 years older or younger than them have major issues. There is a RARE exception, however 99/100 times it is not love. It's excitement and the thrill of being with a little "hottie" And 99/100 times those "little hotties" don't even like you. They like your money or they have major daddy issues. The same goes for the much older woman and younger guy. These people all have issues. Its a barter system. So many guys have hugh Hefner has their idol. I feel bad really for the old guy. He has been used his whole life. No Matter how great sex is or how hot someone is, it will never, ever compete with true love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazunemono Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 I'm a 36 year old man but look late 20's, I have no problem pulling 20-somethings but I find it actually harder to date "in my age group"; many women are dismissive because I look young "for my age". Right now I'm lucky, because I'm dating a 30 year old, and it's going pretty well. I know if I date any younger, there will be a lot more expectations about "lifestyle" choices - I'm divorced and pay child support, so even though I make a great salary, I can't afford to go out and party, I can't travel like I want to, etc. I also don't want any more kids, so this is a "dealbreaker" for many younger women. AFAIK age 30-40 for women seems to be my "sweet spot". Honestly being a mid-30's man is probably the best dating age...you can get away with early 20's and into 40's without major issues. Oh, and as far as sex drive, I'm hornier now than I was in my teens or 20's - I'm also very fit, and I think that contributes both ways to attraction and stamina. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazunemono Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Its a barter system. This is true to an extent, but it's not always as simple as "if I give you A, you give me B"...that's the wrong definition. I think it's best phrased as "you are worth your value" If you have money, style, and are popular, then you are a "high value" individual - people will be attracted to you. Likewise, if you can support a woman's kids, if you can help her fix her car, etc., you are "high value" and attractiveness goes up. If you can take a young girl out, buy her dinner and drinks, show her a good time and impress her friends, you are "high value" All of this value is relative, and depends on the woman's own value system - whay is important to her? If you can check off a bunch of her boxes, you will be worth hanging around. Your "daddy issues" depiction manifests itself as a younger girl's need to hang out with older men so she can enjoy that feeling of companionship she never had; she can be with a provider who ostensibly provides love. As we all know, this is usually not the case (but there have been exceptions!) If you don't have much to offer (most older men do not, except for a select few) then you are "low value" and are passed over. For men, a younger girl (relative to his own age) is a great value proposition. They get the thrill of being with someone who is generally thought of as vibrant and youthful, and they can be comfortable "doing what they do" and not having to change much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FYI Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 They tend not to be as demanding of certain character application that older women would prefer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeatherB Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 My husband is 10 years older than I am. The only way it really affects us is that sometimes he'll start singing these weird songs I don't recognize because I was like a toddler then they were on the radio. Some of our pop culture references don't overlap. Otherwise, age has little effect on us. I love that he loves me to pieces, that he finds me funny, and that he finds me beautiful. And I admire his character and his sexiness. He's just a good man, and I would still want him if he were 10 years younger than me too. He would want me if I were 10 years older than him. And he wants to be with me as we grow old together. We are both irreplaceable to each other. Hugh Hefner, on the other hand, just doesn't like deep, long-lasting relationships with women. There's nothing wrong with him. He just prefers multiple short-term commitments and commitments with expiration dates. His choice. To me, that makes him a bad choice as a boyfriend or husband. My choice. (Not that he'd be especially interested!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 I don't believe he'd want you if you were 10 years older than him, not for the long term. That's why I wrote this post. But I do agree with a lot of other stuff you've said. Men going for younger women isn't about love, and true love does conquer all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FearandLoathin Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 My uncle married a woman about 14 years older than him, he's still as crazy for her as when they first got together, they have a pretty solid marriage, they've been together for 20 years. Is it really that hard to believe that men are capable of being more than just animals? Sure, a lot of them are, that's the truth. Doesn't mean they aren't capable of it all together, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Men going for younger women isn't about love, I don't think anyone said it was. I know I certainly didn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allcity Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Men going for younger women isn't about love, and true love does conquer all Seriously, do you not see just how ridiculous you continue to sound? You're now just totally making up generalisations to try to prove your own point. So EVERY man in the world that is dating a younger woman doesn't love her but men that date a woman his own age or older do love them huh? SMH. Your problem is YOU and your compulsive fear of getting dumped for a younger woman, which may well just come from the fact that you're now staring down the barrel of 30. Like someone else said, you're likely to create a self-fulfilling prophecy here, as you sound not only pathologically insecure but also completely deluded AND ready to judge all men based on your own fears. Scary combo! You seem hell-bent on ignoring any opinion or fact that doesn't fit your foregone conclusion, though, so good luck with all that. I dread to think how you'll feel when you're pushing 40. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poetryandlyrics Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I agree. It's kind of insulting when one poster says her husband had told her that even if she is ten years older, he will still love her. And you dismiss that as a lie when you don't even know them or their relationship. Sure, there are some that are looking for the wrong thing, but that happens in every type of relationship. People must have issues to be in an age gap? A lot of people do, this world is not perfect. As long a person is emotionally mature and self-aware, then that should be fine. I dont have issues like that, am emotionally mature and self-aware. My boyfriend does not love me because of my age, my age is not a factor. And vice versa. You just need to concentrate on yourself and finding a good person, and quit with the generalizations. They are not helping you to find a good relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I think the underlying issue is that you are stressed from your breakup and worried about dating. Focus on healing ... not on dating and thinking about relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 Yes, that is true. I'm stressed about finding someone else and keep thinking of a solution to help prevent another break up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 allcity- I don't think I sound ridiculous at all. There is plenty of evidence of a lot of men going for younger women and when men cheat it is with someone younger most of the time. I'm not saying ALL men are like this however and obviously I do need to not let this worry poison future relationships. However to say that a man's attraction to a woman has nothing to do with age and her looks- maybe some of the time is true- but I don't agree with it in general. Maybe I do sound pessimistic but I don't believe that a man would love his woman as much if she suddenly aged loads and put on tons of weight. Maybe SOME would but come on, get real Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 I'm not saying it's a LIE, I'm just doubting the truth of it. Ashton Kutcher wanted Demi Moore....until....he didn't. And now he is with a 29 year old. Sorry but you just can't ignore these facts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I've dated much older men. I think there are different reasons for wanting someone younger. It is not always superficial. I was overweight for both of my past older boyfriends and I've never been energetic, naive, youthful, optimistic, or even fertile. So there was something else that they saw in me. I am with someone who is my own age but I don't worry about the him leaving me for someone younger. He has never been super focused on looks. High sex drive? Yes. But that's different from a man who focuses a lot on youthful looks and how to obtain that. You find someone that you get to know and learn how they feel about this. Find out their values. Men who cling to youth and see older folks as "gross" and put a lot of emphasis on looks are not men you want to be with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allcity Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 allcity- I don't think I sound ridiculous at all. There is plenty of evidence of a lot of men going for younger women and when men cheat it is with someone younger most of the time. I'm not saying ALL men are like this however and obviously I do need to not let this worry poison future relationships. However to say that a man's attraction to a woman has nothing to do with age and her looks- maybe some of the time is true- but I don't agree with it in general. Maybe I do sound pessimistic but I don't believe that a man would love his woman as much if she suddenly aged loads and put on tons of weight. Maybe SOME would but come on, get real That's true but that's not really the line you've been taking here (or it hasn't seemed that way). Of course age and how it affects a person's looks can play a role in their dating success and I'd say a lot people (both men and women) would question things if their S.O. dramatically let themselves go. But that's not at all the same as saying men in general are superficial and/or looking for a younger woman, or are more likely to leave their partner for a 'younger model'. You could be 24 and with a 34 year old man and he still could end up leaving you for someone that's 36. Or he might love you for the rest of your life and adore how you look, no matter how old you get. Like I said before, getting dumped is the risk we all take when we fall in love, regardless of how hot, young, rich etc we are, as there's always someone hotter, younger, richer right around the corner. Like someone else said, the key is just trusting that you're a real catch and that any guy would be lucky to have you. And then being smart and aware enough to vet your dates carefully and make sure (or as sure as you can be) that the man you're giving your heart to is showing all the signs of being a stand-up guy that doesn't have a long line of broken hearts in his wake. Sorry if I sounded harsh before, but this is ALL about how YOU feel about yourself and your lack of trust that you'll find a good man. So just work on that and try really hard not to view the men you meet through the eyes of mistrust and I'm sure you'll be fine. It's when we presuppose that people will hurt us, that we act crazy and insecure and cause them to run into someone else's arms. And then we blame them and get even more insecure. It's a bad road to take. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 No, you are right. My insecurity definitely did affect things with my last partner and he said he had to re assure me all the time. It's difficult though because I just see these things happen all the time and I then get pessimistic. Thanks for the advice though and I think if you are happy with yourself age doesn't matter, but it's perhaps a good motivation to keep looking good and not relax Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allcity Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 It's perhaps a good motivation to keep looking good and not relax Absolutely! Making effort to keep ourselves in good physical and emotional shape, even after years together in a relationship, is always a good thing. Anyone that gets lazy and lets themselves go is just asking for trouble, unless they have an amazing partner that loves them no matter how much they stop caring about how they look and/or treat their partners. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 Just hard not to feel pessimistic when you read about Scot Young- have you read it? He is 51, his wife is 48, and he is now with a 29 year old! He sounds like a nasty piece of work ANYWAY but still, depressing reading and I just don't want that to happen to me!! Still, just have to focus on finding someone with good values Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LonelyPast Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I've spent the better part of my life trying to get women my own age to give me a fair chance. I've been rejected, discarded, and treated like I don't exist. I fully intend to return the favor once I'm established and in my thirties. It'll finally be my turn to date around, and when these self-centered OLDER women now in their own 30s inevitably start crawling to me out of biologic desperation I'll be turning a cold shoulder and letting them have their turn at a life of dejection and loneliness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 Ouch!! But you don't know the women in their 30s would have rejected you if they had met you..... To be fair I don't consider men my own age, and I tell them that (so they don't think it's about them) so maybe you're right. Just go for someone a few years younger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EssexMan Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I've spent the better part of my life trying to get women my own age to give me a fair chance. I've been rejected, discarded, and treated like I don't exist. I fully intend to return the favor once I'm established and in my thirties. It'll finally be my turn to date around, and when these self-centered OLDER women now in their own 30s inevitably start crawling to me out of biologic desperation I'll be turning a cold shoulder and letting them have their turn at a life of dejection and loneliness. Why lay plans to hold one set of women responsible for what another has done? (Unless of course you're anticipating that the actual same women are going to come "crawling" back to you...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
needhelp6 Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I fully intend to return the favor once I'm established and in my thirties. It'll finally be my turn to date around, and when these self-centered OLDER women now in their own 30s inevitably start crawling to me out of biologic desperation I'll be turning a cold shoulder and letting them have their turn at a life of dejection and loneliness. Curious about what you think is going to be so great about being in your 30's that will give you an edge over women your age and will suddenly attract throngs of younger women? Women of all ages reject, discard men of all ages. In my experience there's nothing magic about being in your 30's. Whatever has happened seems to have really hurt you, I'm sorry to hear this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poetryandlyrics Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I'm not saying it's a LIE, I'm just doubting the truth of it. Ashton Kutcher wanted Demi Moore....until....he didn't. And now he is with a 29 year old. Sorry but you just can't ignore these facts. What happened with Demi and Ashton is what happened with them only. You can't applied what happened with them to everyone else. There is actually one poster on here mentioning a successful relationship with a woman that's older. Why dismiss facts for generalizations, especially when they come from celebrities? Their lives is unknown to us and we onl get a sneak peek. Besides what they do does not apply to us all. I could mention one or two that could be "applicable" to me, but I still divert from them. I know a few married folks in person. One married an older man, and had been with him for over 30 years. I know another that married an older woman and just had a baby and progressing towards achievements. And those are just two out of others that I still know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evondavis1 Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 OK, well when my ex and I broke up 4 months ago, after a 7 year relationship and 3 year son, he met a 24 year old a week after. My ex is 37, so there is a 13 year age gap. So guess what, after 6 weeks, they eloped to Vegas!! Not once has he told me he loves her, or is the "one" but tells me she is a cool chick and they never argue. ***!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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