Why do so many men always go for younger women

[EssexMan]

I will not have that much to discuss with someone more than 3 years younger than me.

 

3 years! How old are you?

[Cognitive_Canine]

My uncle chronically dates women 10 years young than him. He's still in a party stage of his life and that's the kind of woman he meets. He never really takes the relationship seriously but he lets them know that from the very beginning. I can tell he's starting to slow down and get lonely though. He's got a lot going for him (very handsome, rich, tons of hobbies, hilarious, self-made, takes care of his family and rescue animals, very outgoing and friendly) but his divorce in his early twenties really made him bitter about marrying again. There aren't very many women in their mid thirties who'd put up with the non-committal relationship he wants.

[EssexMan]

Here's my attempt at a comprehensive list of reasons why men tend to prefer younger women:

 

1. Younger women, on average, tend to be hotter.

 

Sure, on a pornstar/Page 3 level, at first glance. However, and I guess it depends what you mean by "younger", I really couldn't get interested in someone who's dressing and acting like an X-rated Barbie doll.

 

2. Younger women are more naive and easier to lie to/mislead.

 

Er, ok...my experience is that the really young (early 20s) women I know, friends not gfs, are incredibly cynical and demanding when it comes to men. Far more so than the women a bit older who recognise that guys are actually just people too.

 

younger women tend to be less bitter and have less baggage. They're more fun and less complicated to deal with.

 

See above.

 

Most men seem to have sexual hang-ups involving guilt--i.e., "sex is bad on some level, so someone's number of partners matters."

 

Do they? I've honestly never heard a male friend complain about that. I mean, if the numbers were abnormally high (she's 22 and she boasts that she's slept with a hundred guys), that might ring some alarms. But otherwise, don't we all accept that the other has a past, just as we do? I have no idea how many men my gf has slept with, and I can't even be bothered to estimate.

 

Did I mention we're superficial? Because we totally are. I can't emphasize that enough.

 

Speak for yourself.

 

Yeah, I think sexual attraction for men is often more superficial than it is for women, in the abstract. We do go for obvious physical attributes. But a real person-to-person attraction can override all that.

[Blue Spiral]

Sure, on a pornstar/Page 3 level, at first glance. However, and I guess it depends what you mean by "younger", I really couldn't get interested in someone who's dressing and acting like an X-rated Barbie doll.

 

I stand by that statement, though I'm willing to revise it to "Younger people, on average, tend to be hotter." I'm not talking about how someone dresses or acts, I'm talking about purely physical looks. I have to be honest; I've never heard anyone try to deny that younger people tend to be hotter, until now.

 

Er, ok...my experience is that the really young (early 20s) women I know, friends not gfs, are incredibly cynical and demanding when it comes to men. Far more so than the women a bit older who recognise that guys are actually just people too.

 

In my experience, younger women are more demanding about trivial things, while older women are more demanding about serious things. And I've had the opposite experience re: women and their opinion of men. From what I've seen, younger women are more "Guys are awesome!", while older women are more "Yeah, I've been burned by a ton of exes, and one of them isn't paying child-support, and I had to take a stressful second job to make ends meet, and I want to tell you all about how horrible this is."

 

Do they? I've honestly never heard a male friend complain about that. I mean, if the numbers were abnormally high (she's 22 and she boasts that she's slept with a hundred guys), that might ring some alarms. But otherwise, don't we all accept that the other has a past, just as we do? I have no idea how many men my gf has slept with, and I can't even be bothered to estimate.

 

It's not something I've personally felt, but I've heard a lot of guys talk about girls and imply that they're not relationship material due to their "experience." It's the cliched "some girls are good to sleep with, and some are good to bring home to mother." I think it's ridiculous, but it seems to be a pretty standard cultural thing among the more traditional guys (i.e. marriage-wanting types), where they put girls into categories based on numbers.

[HeatherB]

Guys who are overly concerned about trying to date women who are of a certain age and who meet certain exacting physical specs--don't care much about getting to know these woman. Don't worry about those guys: a) they rarely manage to get the attention of the women they want, so they are very lonely and bitter much of the time and b) they don't really want to talk to you or get to know you or fall in love. Their needs are more along the lines of imaginary porn scenarios. In other words, they make terrible boyfriends, so who cares about them?

[allcity]

Some pretty hilarious generalisations going on here. It's like the female equivalent of those Attraction & Flirting threads that are full of frustrated, bitter guys that claim to know all the answers (despite clearly not having a clue) and yet their answer is always "Anyone that fits the pattern of the people I'm currently angry at are all losers, lack self-esteem, can't handle a real man, blah, blah, blah. It's all THEIR fault".

 

The reality is, everyone is different, everyone is complicated and there is no one answer. And if you're scared of getting left for a younger woman, then don't bother dating at all. Part of the risk of falling in love is that your partner will leave you for someone that they think is 'better'. And if a person's main fear is of being left for a younger woman, that says FAR more about them and their attitude than it does about any hypothetical man.

[Miss Firecracker]

That is so depressing..

 

But true.

[Reflective82]

Haha camus- true true I guess. Men can be a shallow species eh!

[Reflective82]

needhelp- no I don't agree it goes both ways. You don't see epidemics of women leaving their husbands for someone younger or having affairs. Sure, it may happen, but it's been going on for centuries with men lusting after younger women. Amongst my parents friends several wives have been left and the man has gone out with someone 10 years younger or more. We don't know any women that have done that

[Reflective82]

Blue Spiral- thank you! I agree, haha. And yes I agree most men are really superficial. I never thought my own father would be one but even he is off having an affair with someone 12 years younger.

 

Any tips on how to keen a man faithful and not as superficial??

[Miss Firecracker]

You are asking how to change the values of a man? I don't think that is possible.

[Reflective82]

thanks need help- I agree it does take two. I love older guys I'm not trying to bash men for liking younger women- just interested, and also a little depressed about getting older haha! Maybe you are right regarding a short-age, and maybe it is just co incidence. I shouldn't care about this, but I think what sparked this off was partly my dad but also partly seeing my 30 year old ex, adding girls who are 23-25 on facebook (I'm 27) and it just got me thinking, wow they are ALWAYS younger!!! It's nice that you still see your ex like that, and that you aren't seeing it as having traded up for someone younger. I haven't read all of your threads but it seems a shame you guys can't work it out if she is such a great catch and if she went so crazy when you broke it off she clearly really loves you...

[Reflective82]

thanks Heather B that makes me feel better.

[quirky]

3 years! How old are you?

 

 

I am 34. Sorry..let me clarify. I can have lots of things to discuss with people even 10 years younger, I hang out with 2-4 ladies at work who are around 26 years old. But from my experience something changes once people hit 30, they start to consider things they didn't before. They start thinking of marriage, a career more.. if they didn't before. Also loss..it is more likely to occur at an older age, though you never know with that. People that are older have a different understanding of life (I, in particular, seek depth in my interactions). Those ladies that are younger, we have lots in common but when I mention certain things about settling down they don't get it because they're not there yet. It's similar with a younger guy. I can have fun and connect in many ways but unless he has gone through some major turrning points his life (loss particularly, either demise or loss of a very important relationship) then I will likely be ahead of him and that's not what I am after.

[EssexMan]

You're saying it's "life stage" rather than actual years that matters, then? Yeah. I can relate to that.

[allcity]

I agree most men are really superficial. Any tips on how to keen a man faithful and not as superficial??

 

Not making such sexist assumptions about a whole gender before each individual has proved himself deserving of such judgement would be a good start.

[happpybear]

I can have fun and connect in many ways but unless he has gone through some major turrning points his life (loss particularly, either demise or loss of a very important relationship) then I will likely be ahead of him and that's not what I am after.

 

so true, i feel this way too about life stages.

 

Also, i just wanted to add, that many of the guys i know who are dating younger, would never be able to handle or keep a girl their own age or older. They are emotionally immature still, still into drinking too much on a wednesday night, and i think just have peter pan syndrome. I have a friend who is mid thirties who would be an absolute disaster for any woman his own age. i think he still thinks he is 25. older woman run from him, and young chicks love him because he has money, looks and the personality of a 25 yr old. any girl who is looking for any sort of emotional depth from this guy will be disappointed. and the younger girls he meets ARE more easily impressed with his life.

 

Interestingly enough, he hasn't had that much stuff go on in his life either, so when it comes to "life stages" he is stunted for his age. He lived at home for all of his twenties (his mom did all the cooking and cleaning), and hasn't really had any real long-term relationships.

[Ms Darcy]

So yeah many like younger women for various reasons. Even the one who said it did not matter is with one 11 years younger. It seems ok with you when you benefit though. I say if you stop feeling the need for a hot guy then you can find a great and committed guy.

[Jose Diep]

Develop a deep relationship with him.

[Blue Spiral]

needhelp- no I don't agree it goes both ways. You don't see epidemics of women leaving their husbands for someone younger or having affairs.

 

Both genders have a lot of affairs. It does go both ways, but in different ways. Men tend to leave women for someone younger; women tend to leave men for someone of higher status. Google "hypergamy" to learn about this phenomenon.

[needhelp6]

Both genders have a lot of affairs. It does go both ways, but in different ways. Men tend to leave women for someone younger; women tend to leave men for someone of higher status. Google "hypergamy" to learn about this phenomenon.

Googled, very interesting, had no visibility to this term.

[FearandLoathin]

Think it's a lot of factors. Older women who tend to know what they want, and don't want to put up with that midlife crisis BS. Younger women, easily impressed. Doesn't even have to be pretty, she just has to think he's cool.

 

Love all this 'evolutionary psychology' stuff. I think that's giving too much credit, really it's just a giant penis measuring contest.

 

Men want to impress, women want to be impressed. Couple is married for 20 years, He stops trying to impress her, she stops being impressed. Egotism really.

[HeatherB]

Blue Spiral- thank you! I agree, haha. And yes I agree most men are really superficial. I never thought my own father would be one but even he is off having an affair with someone 12 years younger.

 

Any tips on how to keen a man faithful and not as superficial??

 

I totally understand your sentiment here, but I disagree that most men are superficial. In general they have to be physically attracted to fall in love, sure, but that's not superficial. Women have to be sexually attracted to fall in love too. It's slightly different but just as important a component. It is one aspect among many that have to be there to really bond to each other.

 

Whether a guy wants more than just a physical relationship depends on where he is in his life. If all he wants is casual friendly relationships, he's going to be less focused on character and compatibility and more on looks and spontaneity. He doesn't have to worry about whether he'll want to be around a particular chick long term. He can just walk away if she gets annoying. And that is a totally valid way to live, at least for a while. Connections are deliberately and happily temporary.

 

But your average guy does want to be swept off his feet forever by the right woman. And he does not hope to dispose of her later on just because she grows old along side him. He just wants her to retain certain aspects she had when they were dating. So she's supposed to take care of herself, and stay kind and appreciative. All that stuff that comes naturally when you are first dating, but becomes more difficult after you've been let down often enough. Maintaining the positive habits you had that got you into the relationship is the hardest part of staying in one, in my opinion.

 

If you want a guy who won't cheat or constantly act like he wishes he were with some younger model or cheerleader, look for character and maturity first. Look for a great track record of long term relationships and a supportive and respectful attitude towards the women in his life. Those guys are the keepers, and they are worth the extra work it takes to earn their attention.

[FearandLoathin]

I agree with you. Yes, men do need to be physically attracted, we're visual. Love to see the women we love naked. Doesn't mean we're superficial. People think that the 20 year old bombshell model is the only thing we're looking for, because that's the only way a woman can look attractive. Doesn't mean we all find that attractive. No offense to those ladies, but when you're 'perfect', one gets sort of boring to look at. Amazed how many people misinterpret the 'visual' thing. People see a guy with a plus size lady, and they all assume that he's managed to somehow 'look past her appearance.' Chances are though, he finds her hot.

 

I've seen women who think all guys cheat, a lot of the time they end up dating cheaters because they don't want to be disappointed. Sort of like a safety net if that makes sense. It's easier to date a guy who will cheat, than to date a guy who won't, but be so afraid of being disappointed that he will.

 

Good post, you seem down to earth.

[poetryandlyrics]

Reading through this... Seems to be a lot of generalizations. For both men and women. You just have to treat the individual as an individual, and if you want to find someone loyal and such, less likely to cheat in relationships, then you have to be a good judge of character. Look for loyalty in other parts in his life or something that seems applicable. But generally, getting into a relationship is a risk. And it's not helpful to have that worry in the back of your mind - it will leak in subconscious ways if yore not careful and probably cause a self fulfilling prophecy or something. Just know your worth and have respect and search for a respectable man. That's all there is to it.

 

I'm in an age gap relationship, and we're also just past three years in this relationship. We didn't realize of each other's age; we thought we each were 27, but he was 33. But we didn't look for superficiality. I wasn't looking for a relationship at that time and actually, he wasn't expecting either. He liked how kind I was (because of an issue with a friend at that time and I was worrying, actually left earlier because of that). He is extremely intellect, actually a genius in some ways. And funny and thinks of others. So why not, those qualities became apparent later on and those were attractive qualities.

 

And I wouldnt say that I, as the younger woman, lack life stages or depth. I've been through a lot, even death when I was entering elementary school. I've been around the block in the sense of what life has to offer me and am serious about life as well. So is he. He has his own business. And I wouldn't say I'm less picky or naive about things as well. My boyfriend often says I'm a human lie dectector. I read his face easily to know if he's teasing me with a "lie" or not. And I do read body language really well, albiet with some human error of course. And I have dated some other guys that I had to send on their way when necessary - one became apparent he wanted me just for my body, and another became possessive that I found incredibly annoying and disrespectful.