How do I stop being a girl's "girlfriend" and start being dating material?

[Seymore]

Psychological tests were done, and they discovered that when someone starts to wonder whether or not you like him/her, then he/she will start liking you, since she's always thinking and guessing about you. So the trick is not to play games, just be yourself, but pace yourself. Be nice to her, but never put her on a pedestal.

 

This part especially has piqued my interest. Where did you see this?

[Ms Darcy]

1. Do you also have hair on your head or do you mostly wear it shaved? Women often (not always) like full head of hair guys.

 

2. Your list makes you seem damaged friend. There is good stuff in there, of course, but the first thing you said basically talked about bad traits from a previous girl. I would encourage you not to think that way. It is a matter of talking about the women whose family relationships seem like a good template versus seeing "I don't want bad."

 

-Second, no massive baggage. That's again, very negative. We're talking about values and personality. I think a more positive perspective is someone who is open towards a relationship perhaps. But if I were you, I would give some thought as to the positive thought/trait you are hoping for. Absence of negative is not very positive.

 

-Third, don't play games is pretty much the same as the second. Here's a secret for you. When I was online dating, if I read a guy's profile that said "I'm looking for a no drama girl" and/or "no baggage" and/or "doesn't play games" I ran the other way. Exprience has taught me that "no drama" means 1) I don't want a woman who holds me accountable for my bad behavior or 2) who has emotions that she wants to share with me before I am ready/if I ever get ready. "No baggage" means 1) I keep falling for girls who are not over their ex and instead of leaving them alone I pursue them and get my heart broken or 2) I am sick of dating girls who treat me as a therapist. And "doesn't play games" means 1) I get so caught up in liking someone that I try to explain their lack of interest as something else until I get my heart broken or 2) I have a lot of bitterness towards woman and I misinterpret gentle rejection as playing hard to get.

 

Please don't be this guy. This guy seems bitter before the first date!

 

-Fourth, I think you are saying you like someone who is a flexible patron of various food establishments. That's fun.

 

-Fifth, looks is the silent killer. Sometimes we are pickier than we even admit. I would say it doesn't hurt to consider dating other races (e.g. latina, asian, etc etc).

 

-Six, you mention this in passing and I think you should elevate it in your list and in your mind: how do you treat others. Look for a caring girl.

 

-Seventh, I agree - you don't need the same hobbies.

 

These are just my thoughts. Hope this helps!

[Seymore]

Thanks, Ms. Darcy. Hair loss runs in my family so it's not something I can really help. I've lost some on top so I keep it very short.

 

Okay, then: "Has ties with her family. Doesn't have to be EXTRA close, but not estranged.", and I'll leave it there. No mention of previous relationships. I hadn't intended this to be a dating profile (and wouldn't THINK of mentioning previous relationships on one), I guess I'm just explaining that this is one area where I know what I want by learning the hard way what I don't want, and what I don't want is to be held accountable by someone else for their own situation. So in that case, I could add "Someone who is responsible and independent".

 

I have gone on dates with Latina girls before. I'm not solely looking for white girls. Some members of my family might not take to a girlfriend of the ethnic persuasion, but my happiness isn't determined by them.

 

The games/baggage insight is an interesting perspective, and I can appreciate that - it helps me see those two comments in a different way, so thank you. With regards to drama, I have no problem with her sharing emotions with me at all (I am the therapist, remember ), but by drama I mean someone who constantly creates or puts themselves in bad situations and complains about them. And that would in turn fall under "I want a responsible woman", I suppose.

[Mike414]

If you want a women to think of you as more then a friend (read sexually) then all you have to do is show her that is what you want from her. You know why girls go after the guys that seem like jerks? Those guys know what they want and go for it. If they don't get it then they move to the next. It seems shallow and blunt but it works and no one's time is wasted.

 

Do you ask a woman out if you are interested in her? Do you make physical contact with her to hint at your intentions? Do you ever just tell her that you want her? It will only come off as creepy if they arent interested in you. If that happens, and it will, move on immediately. Don't befriend her. You can worry about making friends after you get what you are looking for. Stay positive, dress and groom well, and you will find it.

[Secret Journey]

At the moment I have actually gone off the opposite sex. I can't stand girlishness anymore to the point that I even get annoyed at the shape of a female and their difference to men. I'm not gay either but I almost wish I was. I'm annoyed at the thought that as a male I'd have to choose one of them. Being asexual has never seemed more attractive.

[Ms Darcy]

Yeah ... I know it is not a dating profile ... but negativity in thinking can seep into how you approach women. I do not know if the hair loss is an issue.

 

 

Depends on the woman.

[Seymore]

First thing I need to do is stop surrounding myself with negative people or people who bring nothing but drama, or at least get a few steps back from the ones I already know.