HDC80 Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 My guy and I have been together since April....Sleeping together since June. I used to be somewhat comfortable with how I looked....though have always had doubts about certain aspects of my nude self. At first I was confident with him....but recently....Ive become very protective of his seeing me or touching me. I dont like to be seen nude anyway and generally have a towel on post shower....and sheets over me as I grab clothes to get dressed after we do stuff. But lately....I just block him when he goes to touch me.... I know he loves me, loves how I look...he tells me all the time----yet I somehow cant stop blocking him. In addition----he has a high drive, which is GREAT....I usually have a high drive....but I dont crave sleeping with him. There are some things he does that Im so-so about and think that might be part of it, but have no idea how to tell him that, or how to do things the way I like (he tends to get into it and be rougher with his touch than I would like) Ive told him gentle....but he gets into it and right back to rougher than I like it. Our first kiss way back was not great....actually almost didnt give him a chance because of it. I eventually told him to follow my lead with kissing so he would figure that out----and its been fine since----even though sometimes his kissing isnt the best. I cant tell if I was ruined by my horrible ex....who was great in bed but a horrible person (2 reasons...that he was good in bed, and secondly that craving for him to care about me....where with my current BF I never have to question that) My current is very affectionate, and open with his feelings. I love him dearly...but I want our sleeping together to be better. Any thoughts, ideas, wisdom? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer89 Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 If he's still sleeping with you he enjoys your body, I know body issues are hard to overcome but you need to keep reminding yourself that you are beautiful, and he knows it too. As for being to rough, my bf tends to do that too. I just let him know when it's too much and he backs down. If he doesn't back down, that's a problem, but it sounds like the issue is in the moment so you just have to be vocal in the moment as well. As for kissing, I don't know. I guess just keep working on that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrianH46 Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 Your attraction for him is almost non-existent in my opinion. Hence your reactions and thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LikeWater Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 Your attraction for him is almost non-existent in my opinion. Hence your reactions and thoughts. ^ This is what it sounds like to me as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
becomingkate Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 Your attraction for him is almost non-existent in my opinion. Hence your reactions and thoughts. I agree. I can always tell how much chemistry I have with someone just by judging the first kiss. Also, if I'm compatible with someone sexually, I rarely have to tell him what to do, but if it's warranted it's easy to bring up because I feel safe doing so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HDC80 Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 Im not sure that Im not attracted to him. I find him to be very handsome....sexy.....I always want to have my hand or some part of me connected with him when we're together. I love it when he hugs me, and when he gently kisses me....I like it when he initiates.....I dont dislike sleeping with him----just dislike that he sometimes is rougher than I would like.....and I feel self conscious being naked.... My ex (the jerk) I only got to see maybe once a week.....so think the reason why I wanted him so much was because there was such a slim chance for us to sleep together. My current I see every single day (and Ive never had that in my life before....EVER) I believe even if you have amazing chemistry with somoene----they can be too rough or not do things specifically the way you like..... Im also SUPER quiet when sleeping with someone-----I make NO noise...not a peep. Im just confused. We have an amazing time together----we live and think similarly....we enjoy the same things....we laugh all the time...talk all the time. Also---Ive never had that nor a best friend in my entire life---so its all still new. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LikeWater Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 Okay, I take it back, it does sound like you're attracted to him. So the main issues here are that he's rougher in bed than you like at times and that you're self-conscious about your body? The first one can probably be solved by communication (just tell him EVERY time he's being rougher than you like, make sure he understand you really like it gentle) but it could also be that you two just aren't compatible sexually. The second issue, well, I don't know. Your man obviously finds you sexy and that's probably why he has a hard time controlling himself in bed! Just keep reminding yourself of this. Your boyfriend loves your naked body, I'm sure. You just gotta learn to relax and be comfortable in your own skin. I'm sure it's hard because of the ex, but you need to understand that your ex wasn't good to you and anything he did or said to make you feel this way was because of HIS issues. It has no reflection on the actual you. Don't know if that's helpful or not but it's all I have... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrianH46 Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 "But lately....I just block him when he goes to touch me...." "At first I was confident with him....but recently....Ive become very protective of his seeing me or touching me." ".I usually have a high drive....but I dont crave sleeping with him." The behavior you're exhibiting resembles that of my exes when they lose attraction and are about to leave the relationship. I think you need to communicate with him in order to stop this trend before it is too late. Bring up all of your concerns bar none. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 I'm always surprised that people can sleep with each other - yet feel apprehensive about communicating openly with their partner. Your issue is really communication. You need to find the courage to openly tell him your concerns. Best is to do it when you are both relaxed, i.e. not during the act itself. Your approach should come from "how can we improve our relationship" rather than from a point of "this is what you are doing wrong". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HDC80 Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 Ive never been comfortable in my own skin. This isnt something only connected due to and from my ex. Ive never been okay with how my body looks....one thing or another always has me thinking/feeling that I dont look how Im supposed to....or that I dont look as good as other people do naked. Im so uncomfortable naked, that it consumes my thoughts and makes it hard to relax enough to just be in the moment....I end up thinking about how this or that appears and do what I can to hide it or minimize it over just kicking back and enjoying myself. Because I dont think my chest is great (small, doesnt look like anything Ive seen on anyone and I have scoured the web)-----I dont want to be touched....it makes me feel exposed and very vulnerable and uncomfortable. I dont feel sexy....I think I look like a 12 year old girl just starting to turn into a woman. Penelope13....its hard to communicate because you dont want to hurt the others feelings. They're enojying themselves and think its great...telling them you like something else can bruise an ego, or make them not as interested.... I also get weirded out by sounds....be it body, or the bed creeking..... He makes noise-----I am Silent as I find it embarassing.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 That's why I said communicate with him when you are NOT in bed with him and suggested how to approach this. Most people are interested in improving their sex lives. Thus if you start with "I prefer ..." it won't be perceived as a complaint. But I think you are the one who has body image issues and you need to work on it as well as let him know so that he knows to be extra sensitive as well as understanding why you are so silent. That in itself can be perceived as a negative sign Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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