Has anyone ever broken up with a rebound and ended up back with the rebound ?

[Anon333]

Just a quick question. Most of these questions are about the rebounder going back to their ex when they are done with their rebound relationship. I am wondering if there is any instance where someone dated or slept with someone right after a relationship and realized they werent fully healed so called things off, and then possibly went back to that person when they were more fully healed. I know it could be a long shot, but is it possible?

[twodegrees]

I am exactly in this situation. I was in a rebound relationship till one week ago. I wasn't healed from my previous BU, and it wasn't fair to her. She was only getting a part of me. She is a wonderful woman and I didn't want to ruin my chances with her in the future. She was hurt by my decision but understood. I apoligized for getting her involved while I was still carrying around baggage. I plan on revisting "us" down the line.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Why would you want to be with someone who decided to use you in order to get over their previous relationship. It says something about the character of a person that they immediately jump into a new relationship in order to not be alone without a thought for the person they are using. Don't be in such a hurry to get back together with him...he used you for his own benefit and didn't care about who you are as a person...you can do better than be with someone like that.

[Anon333]

crazyaboutdogs, I agree to an extent, but it was half my fault, for I was fully aware he had just gotten out of a relationship and was kind of just looking for fun. I was okay with that until I started having feelings toward him. When I finally confronted him and asked what we were doing he was completely honest and said he was not ready for a serious relationship and needed time for himself to heal, but maybe in the future. So twodegrees, its a little different from your situation, as part of the rebound was rebound sex. But we had so much chemistry and really made each other laugh a lot. Twodegrees, do you really think you will get back in touch with her when you are more healed, and how long do you think it would be? You are okay with the possibility she will have moved on?

[sydneylovesyou]

I am in a very similar situation that you are in. I met this guy right after he was cheated on. Things were great, and finally we decided to get into a relationship, although he did not know how hard long distance would be with school. All I can say, hopefully you can relate, I feel awful. It is truly an evil thing that you and I could be so ready for a relationship, but that guy can be intimate without having deeper feelings. You just have to be understanding. I'm letting time to its magic with hopes that he will soon realize I'm the complete opposite of his ex girlfriend. At least for me, it really isn't so much I am a rebound, more like he is confused about his own life and the direction it is taking with or without me. So he needs to figure himself out before he can figure things out with me. As for what to do, people have been giving me two sides of advice and you can follow either as well. 1) just let it go and move on. For your own sanity. Putting 150% into a relationship with a guy who is barely putting in 10% exhausts you physically, mentally, and emotionally. If he comes back, fine. Make it hard for him to get you back so easily. After all, he is the one pushing you away. 2) Give it time and space. Don't be so available. Let him realize what he has in front of him. It appears he does like you and you guys have fun together, he just may not be at the right time to give you everything you deserve. Maybe he won't ever be, you don't know. Based on my last 4 months of dating my guy, me being into the relationship more than he is is extremely exhausting and terrible. I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. So I plan on finding myself again, finding that happy person I know I am. No person is worth losing your own self for. I've been told that if I stick by him, giving him the space he needs, and not putting huge expectations and pressure on him, he will realize that I am committed to him. You can choose to do the same if you think he is worth it. The thing is, you shouldn't have to wait that long for someone to realize your worth. There are better guys out there that would instantly treat you how you deserve to be treated. I call this settling because we are too afraid to move on and see what else is out there. Best of luck, and I hope I helped a little bit!

[Anon333]

sydneylovesyou, Thank you for the words and advice. We live far away from each other, and it has kind of been us meeting up and hooking up, so I dont think we delved that much into a relationship as you and your guy did. He never said he wanted to try a relationship. We have kept things very light, but when we do see each other he treats me like his girlfriend, we go out, he is affectionate and then we have really great sex (sorry). I know none of this sounds good for me and I told him I probably need my space as much as him right now. I am so sad and miss him. I know he is all messed up about his ex. I just recently saw he "liked" one of her pictures on a website and it put me to tears. I want to move on and I know in time I will, but I really fell hard for this guy and he left things so open, saying he wants to talk in the future and he is just messed up right now. I hate this so much and wonder if he will try to reconcile with his ex. I am going to live in the same city as him in a month and I have a feeling he will want to hang out and be with me and it will be so tempting. ARGH! We both deserve better!!!

[sydneylovesyou]

I'm warning you ahead of time to not get any more involved with him until he says he is fully ready. You cannot compete with an ex, regardless of how dysfunctional the relationship was. They have more memories and emotions involved, ya know? That's what sucks about relationships, time heals all wounds. And by god, DOES IT TAKE A LONG TIME. I already dug myself a huge grave dating him for 5 months. My best advice to you would be to go and do your own thing. He WILL come in contact with you when he IS ready and wants to. Who knows, maybe by the time you move there, he will be ready to open the next chapter in the book. Sometimes, it is very hard for guys to fully close the chapter. It takes a long time. That's what I am discovering. For me, my guy said he just wants to go with the flow of things, probably assuming I will always be there. It hurts like hell, i really do agree with you. I get upset a lot, but he assures me that it isn't me or that there is someone else. It's him and just doesn't know what he wants. I think you guys left it off on good terms. He probably thinks you are a wonderful person, continue to be so. Find your happiness and if in the future, it happens to be him, then great! If not, there will be someone a million times better out there.

[Anon333]

sydneylovesyou,

You are so right on. I wish there was some magic pill to make him get over it. Just as I wish there were some magic pill to get over him now! It really hurts to think I was looking forward to finally being in the same city as him, and now I have to avoid seeing him. He left things off as him wanting to talk still. I dont know what good it would do me, but maybe I will be able to tell him how I feel. I dont want to be angry at him, but I am slightly because I am hurt for falling for him so hard, when his heart is somewhere else. I really need to learn my lesson. If I do meet up with him I want to be strong and confident and let him know I wouldnt want to be his rebound (although I already was), and I would want him to be fully healed and himself before we even dated, let alone a relationship. I think he is hoping to be friends and get to know me more when I am up there, but I dont know if I can take that emotionally. We really havent gotten to know each other that well enough for him to even have feeling for me. But I'd rather not risk heartache unless I can take some space myself and revisit things in a couple months when I am also less attached to him and have dated other people. It is a long shot for anything to come of us, but I like to have that small tinker of hope. It hurts that he is probably hoping for his ex back, and I am kinda the back up girl he strung along. I dont want these negative thoughts and I want him to remember me as confident and having self respect, even though I feel like I let him walk all over me with having sex. Sydneylovesyou, Im so sorry you are dealing with this right now too, and I wish the best for your future. It sucks that we now have to heal from these men, while they were still healing from someone else with us. How ugly. Sounds like you have a more genuine bond with your guy and who knows what the future brings, but we have to be okay with or without them either way, and know there are so many other emotionally available guys out there.....UGH!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This is why I tell people on this forum to stay far far away from anybody who has recently had their heart broken and claims they want to date or just want to have some fun. It is a recipe for getting hurt. Never trust someone who is fresh out of a relationship (as far as getting romantically and/or sexually involved with them) because they will never have your best interests at heart...they are selfishly using you. You deserve better than someone who is only interested in filling a gap and in their mind anyone will do.

[jaggedlilpill]

I broke up with and then got back together with a rebound. (We had both just gotten out of a relationship, actually. So it was a rebound on both parts) The relationship did not go very well, and it had a messy and dramatic ending. I wouldn't totally throw out the idea of being with this person EVENTUALLY, but taking plenty of time to really think about why you want to be with them, and giving them time to heal from the previous relationship is what you should do first.

[Anon333]

crazyaboutdogs and Jaggedlilpill, thank you both for the responses. Crazyaboutdogs, your post made me more hurt and angry than anything, and wanted to contact him and tell him thanks for using me. I do feel like you are right. He even told me himself that our casual hanging out and spending time with me was "good for him". At the time I thought that was kind if sweet, but when I look back I feel like telling him "Im so glad I could be of help to you get your ex off your mind!" Argh. If he puts in effort to talk to me and let me speak my mind if/when we do talk one more time, I dont know if I should be a little angry, or tell him I feel used. The last I spoke to him I was sweet and understanding but as time passes Im angry and do need time away from him. He really messed me up, and part of me wants him to know that and the other part doesnt want him to know how much he got to me.

 

Jaggedlilpill, I like hearing that you revisitted and retried being someone once you were more healed, it makes me feel like it isnt as black and white as he used me. But then again, you both were in the same boat so using each other doesnt seem as bad. I know I need to move on right now and be open to other men when I move up there. I am not sure if he will pursue me, or try to be friends, or try to sleep with me, or just leave me out of his life and move on that way. All of it I can accept, I just dont want to be hurt any more. If he wants to be with his ex still, I just wish he would be with her, or if she doesnt want him back, I would hope he would accept that and heal from that, instead it seems he is holding on, and I am not sure if they are back and forth communicating or not. I dont want to be affected by any of it anymore. live and let live. SOrry for my ramble. I do appreciate people writing on here.

[Ms Darcy]

I think the message here is to move on. It started out as sex and never really became more for him. I am sorry.

[Anon333]

yeah...Ms Darcy, you could be right and I am moving on....trying to at least. But he still wants to talk and be friends in the future. Id like one last talk for closure. I know he was emotionally separated from me, so it was about the sex. But we also had a lot of laughs and a lot in common and a lot of fun outside the bedroom...We had great sex and chemistry, and he said I have so many qualities he would want in someone...I know I should take what he says at face value and move on...But I just wanted to know if even if it was sex, if he could want something more in the future once he is healed...He didnt have to string me along or stay in touch with me like he did.... A one night stand would have been much less painful....

[Anon333]

Im sorry to hijack this post again...but one last question. I am getting mixed advice to walk away because he used me for sex, and then advice saying be understanding that he is going through hard times and give him his space and time and move on, but stay loosely in touch with him if I can. After I finally asked him what was up with us, right before xmas, and he said he was not ready for a relationship right now, I told him we could be friends, but that I needed my space and he needed his. He contacted me on xmas wishing me a merry xmas. To which I wrote back very thanks, and merry xmas to you. I hadnt heard from him since up till today. He said he was thinking of me and wishing me a early happy new year and sent me a kiss emoji, and then said it was a "friendly" kiss. That kind of pissed me off. I dunno. I know he is trying to be nice, but also I want to try to move on and forget him.....SHould I send a quick "thanks, happy new year" or just ignore it, which will make him think I am mad at him and maybe being petty...I dunno......any quick advice?

[jaggedlilpill]

No no...neither of us were healed enough when we got back together. We were only apart for a couple of months in between. Well, I guess I can't really say for him if he was healed or not, he'd been broken up from his ex for longer than I had mine. I was not ready though. Honestly...now that I think about it, if I was more emotionally stable when we'd met, I probably wouldn't have ever dated him in the first place. I didn't use him though, I honestly did love him and wanted to be with HIM, not just anybody. I had other guys after me, including my ex, and he had other girls after him to, but we decided we wanted to be together. I just wish I would have taken more time for myself, and gotten to know him better first. That's another reason to give your guy some time...you wont want him to be wondering if he should have waited longer later.

[jaggedlilpill]

I don't think you can "hijack" your own post. haha As far as whether to just totally walk away from it, or be understanding and stay in touch, I think that's really up to what you think you can handle. If you stick around and keep giving yourself hope in having a relationship with this guy, and it does end up being that he is only using you for selfish reasons and never plans on being anything more with you, are you going to be okay with that? If that's going to hurt you if it happens, then you should be cautious. I don't think you totally have to cut ties with him, unless you think that will be better for YOU in the long run. Seems like he's trying to be nice, and flirt, but who knows what his intentions are.

[Anon333]

Jaggedlilpill, yeah...I am so confused. I really fell hard for this guy and have been hurting about it for too long. He likes me, but not anywhere near as much as I like him, and it could easily have to do with him not being over his ex. I dont want to be strung along, which I feel I was for a few months, even though I was stupidly part of it just as much as him. I didnt want to see the obvious, that he didnt want anything serious, and yet when we were together it really felt like we were both so into each other. I thought also because of the long distance he didnt want anything serious. But now I know he just isnt over his ex. I was kind of planning on ignoring him and see if he cares or tries to see what is up? And if he doesnt, then all the more to heal with. But I honestly dont want to be mean or petty when he is trying to be nice. I kind of dont feel ready to respond to him....TO pick up my phone and write back gives me pits in my stomach. when he wrote me I actually felt crappy rather than happy for the first time....Usually I would get excited and smile when he writes. This time I cried and kind of dreaded it. I kind of expected he would write me on new years, and I was thinking of not responding and trying to move on for now....But will that cut him out of my life for good, or maybe make him realize I cant do this string along little civil friendship when really I want him to write "I miss you and want you"....