Introvert

[Mavh25]

I am such an introvert I am starting to worry myself. I can't make friends, I only have my husband and close family.

The thought of socialising and doing it is exhausting.

I would rather sit in every night. I haven't a single friend, I don't even feel lonely I feel like my husband is all I need. But he's an extrovert. I hate myself, the way I look.

Please tell me there is someone else like this? how do i cope?

It's affecting my work, my future.

[Chalk]

I'm an introvert. I like hanging out with people but the only way I can relax is with a bit of quiet. I find it more difficult to make friends cause I tend to get bored by small talk & prefer to connect on deeper issues. I understand how isolating it can be: I want peace but can get lonely. There is a nice speech on introverts on a TED talk on YouTube.

[pl3asehelp]

I'm an introvert, often but not always find socializing exhausting, but have good friends and don't hate myself. I think you need to delve into the friends and hating yourself part.

[laninaperdida]

How is it affecting you?

You say you're not lonely... That you're husband is all you need.

Seems like a decent way of life to me.

Personally, all I need is a BF, a BFF & a social butterfly/club rat as a friend so I can use her for all of my social ins.

I can't keep up with the networking (it's exhausting) so I appreciate those who can.

I think you just need to get an introverted hobby that will help with your self esteem.

GO TO THE GYM.

You get to be around people without socializing & you can't go wrong with getting a better body,

[hers]

I'm an introvert too and my husband is very extroverted. I like my quiet and time with my dogs and I like one on one relationships. I have close friends from childhood but I see them only every few weeks and even then it's just for dinner or something.

 

Today a girl I met at a hibacbi restaurant called me and I let it go to voicemail. I was all excited to have lunch with her when I met her and we exchanged numbers but when pressed to hang out, I panicked and didn't answer. The thought of new friends makes me nervous.

 

I relate very much.

 

I do agree you need to expand on haying yourself though. Introverted people aren't bad people. Extrovert isn't the "right" way to be. It's simply just another way to be and we can't all be the same.

[iamkaylee]

I'm a huge introvert. I have maybe two close friends including family. Everyone else, well I get along with them and will do stuff maybe but it's very superficial and driven by a common interest. I've actually spoken to two real human beings the past week and one was my mailman.

 

There's nothing wrong with the way you are. About 75% of the population is extroverted so introverts are in the minority. Doesn't make it wrong though and everyone is extroverted or introverted to a different degree.

[Princy]

Me to a big introvert..very close to my husband only..i don have kids..not close to any family member..not sure why?but am more comfortable and trust only my husband..have very few selected friends..but I don hang around with them..just may be sometimes on phone..yeah even i feel sometimes it affects my work too..coz i never mingle with people..never take things in positive spirit..sometimes even i feel being introvert is wrong? thats been all the time..at times I worry alot..at the same time I keep myself busy I do workouts..just to get out of these weird thoughts ..guess am in the same situation..since you have already bought the topic..need some tips for me..for example

Say am in the gym how do I start talking to people..make friends..because it should not annoy people ...I think so much..so insecured..I never make a move...

[Mavh25]

Hi again, thank you for all your responses. I've known something was wrong since childhood, I guess I'm more than just an introvert, there's more to it.

I genuinely hav no friends beside my husband, ny problems I have, I can't call up a close girl friend, in that sense I'm lonely.

I could quite happily hole myself up in my house and talk to my husband and mum and be content.

My work environment, I cry sometimesbecause every situation I'm in calls for socialisation and trying to be something I'm not so I don't look odd.

Like I have to lie to make my life seem interesting, I have to make up fake friends to seem normal.

My husband is the greatest person ever, my mum and dad and 1 of my sisters are amazing. That's all I have.

I do not have the ability to talk to people, it literally drains me putting on this show. I just want to be with my husband or alone.

Im going to the doctors to ask for counselling next week.

In the meantime I have my work party which is a friggin awesom reason to panic some more.

[hers]

Do you feel that maybe you have a bit of agoraphobia?

[Mavh25]

See I've never had a panic attack as such, I'm just a nervous person. I love being outdoors and shopping and going out to dinner and cinema and all those things, I don't think I have that. Unless there is such thing as a milder form.

Also I go to college and I have girls that I sit with all the time and talk to and bbm with and stuff, it just never goes further than that and all my interactions are pretty much me trying to be seen as normal. It's so hard to explain.

I guess I'm in a category of my own.

[tiredofvampires]

Grrr!

 

I can seriously relate. I remember as a young child, when my parents had company over, before they came over, I'd be near tears, saying to my mom, "What am I gonna say? What am I supposed to say?" How does a 7-year-old child develop such a fear of being exposed, having to entertain, not meeting an image expectation?

 

I think as others said, some of this is inborn. That is one thing psychologists say is hard-wired into our personalities from birth -- a tendency towards shyness or gregariousness. Of course, people can have experiences that shape that so profoundly, maybe even warp the natural tendency, it's hard to really know what you "are", until you become comfortable with who you are without conflicts in the way, making it unclear. So it's good you're looking into therapy, hun!

 

Just last night, I went to happy hour to meet up with a friend (a pretty rare occurrence/venue for me to be socializing in.) He's actually the SO of one of my girlfriends, but she couldn't make it (they are from out of town.) We don't have a ton in common (besides his GF), the music was live (so loud, and I felt like every word I had to shout), and the food was too greasy for my taste. So in a way, it felt like I was doing it because I like to have a variety of people that I can meet on different "levels", and of course, this person is one I care about and have a link to, even though it doesn't go deep. I won't lie -- even though I can pull that off, it's exhausting, and I always leave social situations where I'm just small-talking feeling like I triumphed, lol, for getting through it. I always feel I must be the only one feeling glad to get back home, put on my ratty clothes again, and do my solitude thing. So I definitely know what you mean about feeling like I'm in a category of my own, even if not exactly like you. People don't believe I'm shy when I tell them. There is a side to me that likes being with people, and that very same coin can be flipped and I'm not feeling at all like I belong anywhere.

 

I think some of this comes down to how easily people can enjoy trivia and also, sometimes, in some cases, talking about themselves. I really don't particularly enjoy either, for the most part, so that cuts out a lot of what happens with casual friendships. (Though that's a good way to develop conversations -- you'd be amazed how if you ask interested questions about the other person, how far that goes. People usually like to talk about themselves or their own opinions, haha.)

 

And real friends, close friends, are HARD to have and keep. This type comes down to TRUST. Trust is something you don't share with just anyone. Trust happens when you feel like someone else will get you enough that you can let down your guard. And finding people you can do that with is not easy, but that's not just your issue. That's true for almost anyone. I defy anyone to say they have strings of CLOSE FRIENDSHIPS, where they have their pick of whom to dial on a bad night to talk to.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with having only a tiny few people who you can be happy relying on. That's a valid choice. My sister is to me what your husband is to you, even though we live far away from eachother. She's my best friend and probably always will be. She's not always available, but I know that she's the only one I'd trust with the biggest things, and the way I can talk to her is in a category of its own. Sometimes I feel she's the only friend I have that is truly unshakable. And I'm fine with that. If you're satisfied, why fix what isn't broken, just for the sake of appearances? I've often thought having more company would make me less lonely, but it's often disappointing because like you said, there are social expectations/constraints/conventional attitudes that don't allow a lot of freedom of self-expression and certainly the trust element is absent.

 

But if you feel it's a problem because YOU WANT more friends and are also having problems with superficial socializing when it's required for work and functioning there -- and especially if you hate things about yourself -- yes, that means more is going on you should address.

 

Do you feel vulnerable and unsafe with people? What is it you're afraid of them thinking, or judging? What of "being yourself" do you feel afraid of revealing?

[Mavh25]

Hi TOV, thanks for your response. Its nice to know some people know what I mean.

 

You're right, I'm happy with having no friends. I genuinely don't care about it just being me and my family and husband, but what if, god forbid I lost him for whatever reason? What about when my parents pass... I'll be a lonely shell then.

My fear is of being judged itself i guess.

I'm unbelievably self conscious, in that sense I'm worried every second of every day.

I don't know what it is I'm afraid of revealing about my personality, I know I'm a good person, I've never met any one with my interests and I think in work is where I'm at my worst and is thr time I dread because I can't relate to anyone on any level as I have no friends and they're always talking about theirs.

 

I don't go out so I can't relate there. I can't relate to my boss cos he is a really accomplished clever guy.

 

Ivejust come back from our christmas party and while everyone was telling their little stories here nd there I never had a single one to tell.

My boss tried his best to involve me by asking things but I am the most awkward person in the world and I just can't keep the convo alive and interesting,I just wanted to get through the night and like you to home and get in my pj's and be with my husband or alone and watch telly or read.

I feel like crying because if I don't get past this, I'll have to quit.

Plus I don't think I have the intelligence to train and qualify in the job I'm pursuing. Ivemnever been so lost.

My perfect life would be working alone somewhere and coming home to my husband and dog

[Mavh25]

I'm going to have to talk to the manager about this in my review, the work party was completely embarrassing, I was so pathetically awkward and it was a disaster and I can't live like this

[KronicMan]

I'm going to have to talk to the manager about this in my review, the work party was completely embarrassing, I was so pathetically awkward and it was a disaster and I can't live like this

 

hey grr, i too felt awkward at my xmas party..and i think its in our heads that we feel this way. i actually snuck out of my party when no one was paying attention. your performance at your job is more important than the xmas party..as long as you say hello and maybe have a drink even if its non alcholic, thats all one can ask for...at least you showed up and pretended!! try not to be so hard on yourself.

[Mavh25]

Thanks Kronic, you're right my job is more important but I'm lacking there for the same reasons, and our place is very small, only 6 of us total so I'd be noticed lol.