gilmond Posted November 13, 2012 Share Posted November 13, 2012 My ex finally dealt the final blow to me we have been broken up for a month she was on and off a little bit on my fb account I sent her a text about a party I was invited to that involved her family. I have possibly the worst case in which for NC to work. I dated my best friend's cousin who I have know him for 14 years of my life and he is a brother to me. I got invited to a birthday party and my ex wasn't invited I sent her a text about it hoping that maybe she would come but that was probably the worst mistake ever. So I called her yesterday because she was starting a new work schedule and I felt like hey I will be the mature one and try to make things less awkward between us because Thanksgiving is coming up and I was also invited to the family party there where she would have definitely have been. Well long story short she starts blaming me for making divides in the family and she said something that made the knife twist deep into my heart. It upset so much and made me angry I was actually shaking. She said that I was f-ing up her life just by existing, just by trying to be apart of a family who I have been with for the past 14 years. Well I told her fine I won't go see them on Thanksgiving I can live without her and I can live without seeing them. I am now really a shell and I have been trying to date this girl on the side and now I am not trusting and starting to feel I am getting played a little bit even when there is no evidence. I am really at a loss with myself and I am just so confused my brain is going to explode. All I want to do is say screw this situation but I can't escape it. Right now as it stands I see no good solution and no resolution where both parties come out happy. If I can give anyone any advice off of this it is this if you are extremely close to a person who isn't your family member never date one of their relatives. It was probably the worst decision in my life and I did it because I felt like I actually could find love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rask Posted November 14, 2012 Share Posted November 14, 2012 My uncle was best friends with my boyfriend, although they met each other through me... after we broke up, they continued to be friends and this killed me. Family. Comes. First. Even though you've been friends with her cousin this long, doesn't mean you have the right to make her feel uncomfortable around her OWN family. I know it sucks, but you need to back off from this family for a while. You can still be friends with her cousin, but you don't need to show up at family events. My uncle invited my ex to a family reunion, without telling me. When I got there, with my boyfriend at the time, my heart almost stopped. We had a terrible, abusive relationship, and it killed me to see him with MY family. Don't make her feel like her family is choosing you over her, please. It's not worth it and no one should have to feel like that. I can honestly tell you that was one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life, and I still get really sad over it. Just avoid family events from now on, it's HER territory, not yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gilmond Posted November 15, 2012 Author Share Posted November 15, 2012 I know I do I have to respect her but the way she did it is was hurt the most. I haven't told anyone about it yet and I won't because her and her family are really close but honestly they love me just as much. My friend's mother considers me her second son. I love my ex and I still do and I really wish things would have worked out differently but I'm moving on. Thank you for giving me some more insight on how she feels I know it was hurting her inside but and I really just want her to be happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FreeFallFeelin Posted November 15, 2012 Share Posted November 15, 2012 It's HER family, not yours. If she wants you to go away, then do so. Even if her family is "cool" with it, if she's not, that's all that matters. You dated her, not her family. Stop antagonizing her by buzzing around in her personal life. You have left her no other option than to become increasingly hostile towards you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom1990 Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 Can you try to set up alternate gatherings with your friends from within her family? I have to do that, after leaving my "family" (i.e. close bunch of coworker-friends) behind. It's not the typical ideal, but it has the potential to be its own kind of ideal. Also if you really want to take the moral high ground, apologize to her for any harm you may have done to her family. This is one case where "kill 'em with kindness" might be worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gilmond Posted November 16, 2012 Author Share Posted November 16, 2012 I have been trying freefall I agree completely and I am not arguing it is her family I am butting out. I am not trying to put my nose in her personal stuff it's just I was very close to the family and now I realize I have to take a exit it. I might try to get a job in a different state if possible that way I can exit completely and she can be happy and not be afraid I will ever show up. The only person that really concerns me Tom is my bestfriend he has been my brother and I love him we can work things out between the two of us as I am his daugthers god father after all. I just need to figure out how to best explain everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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