junebug123 Posted September 27, 2013 Author Share Posted September 27, 2013 Wow, 200 entries later. I was like reading some of the old stuff i wrote before, my life is like so exciting! Sometimes, ill like read my journal and ill ask myself? Juan Carlos, did you really do all those things! Wow, you are sooooo COOL! I wanna be just like you when i grow up! Anyways, i was inspired to write a poem because i saw that i wrote a poem on one of my prior entries and i still don't want to do school work so why not? Oh me, oh my, might i just die Oh me, oh my, who am i? Oh me, oh my, did i just try Oh me, oh my, my my my what big Eyes you have Grandma! Okay, maybe i can't write a poem right now, i think i am too excited? I don't know why i am feeling so manic right now? I'm listening to Agua de Beber by Sergio Mendes. Also, i used to work out a lot before, jesus i haven't work out like that in such a long time. I am looking at my entries and i'm thinking? Whose that guy, he's working out so much geez! When my shoulder heals, i am going to keep my work out journal going again, I'm going INNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Okay lemme try to write a poem now. Lucid air, why the flare time flies by while i cradle her eyes tied down inside this crown we burn over and over revolving time tables turn back and forth tossing men from faculty, to facility fathoming thoughts which cannot be reproached, approaching stops in this or the next world, wondering why the universe is ever expanding or what lies beyond the space outside my minds eye, cannot comprehend Peace of mind un-rewound, bound again we beckon but become undone just be cause nothing she does can ever fulfill the void inside dying flying trying to hold on to nothing nowhere anywhere everywhere all at the same time, in same instance we go seeming without flow without knowing the difference between reality and fantasy moving faster senselessly trying to uncover meaning reeling reaming screaming not unlike dying for a lost soul to far gone to become one only to be reanimated in stories we bury the glory in order to live another mundane existence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
junebug123 Posted September 27, 2013 Author Share Posted September 27, 2013 11:42 am, this is going to be the first time i head to work since last Thursday. I am wondering if i should wear the sling because my arm is feeling better and i don't want to give the boss the impression that i am totally handicap. I mean, I feel weird about the whole situation, well, i wonder how they have been doing without me, I am worried that they are like struggling and stuff. I need to do homework today, I need to make it a priority, I keep procrastinating. I realize that when i first started writing this journal that i had a lot of issues which still hold true today. It's funny how almost a year ago I can relate to a problem which I am still dealing with today. Like, in all that time i haven't figured out a solution to the problem. Life is so funny like that sometimes, we live it repeating yesterdays problems over and over again. I wonder when chance will allow me to meet a lady, I can't even remember what a women feels like anymore. Why, am i going through this period in my life where nothing i do is helping me achieve my goals. I keep doing things which do nothing for me, like playing handball, riding bikes, and playing video games or watching youtube videos. When am I going to learn that I have to start doing things which will help me achieve the things I want in life? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
junebug123 Posted September 29, 2013 Author Share Posted September 29, 2013 Sometimes I am my own worst enemy in almost every situation. I don't understand why i keep letting myself down over and over by making bad decisions. I will post on ENA just looking to read people's responses to my own posts and 9 out of 10 tens its like no one replies because its probably obvious that i am saying something which is of no help to the original poster, saying something which is provocative or just saying something which isn't important. The worst feeling is feeling like no one cares about anything thing you do or say. I am feeling like that a lot now a days, it's just so lonely and i know that my behavior is the biggest factor in my loneliness. Sometimes i make an extra effort to be supportive or not to talk sh1t, and the times i do that it's like i generally get back great feed back. However, i don't always keep this up, just out of not being aware or just because i don't feel like it. People who do good things, generally do them because they enjoy doing good things for others and they look for opportunities to do good, people like me who couldn't care less and enjoy watching others get embarrassed or shut down wait for opportunities to laugh in their face. It is almost as if it is my nature to do cruel and unusually nasty things to others, i can't stop myself from constantly criticizing, judging, belittling and berating someone else once the opportunity is presented. Well, i have to do homework now, i didn't actually feel better getting any of that off my chest . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
junebug123 Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 I decided to pick this journal up again after a long break from writing. Many things have changed in my life, i graduated college and have had a full time job for the past 4 - 5 months at New York City Bike Share program. I am still single, but i have been dating more now and although i haven't had much success, i am learning to deal with people a little bit more than before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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