bulletproof Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 Partially. There were other reasons, but those things sure didn't help her stay. I feel like the reasons she left were listed in your first post- that you were unemployed for a year and depressed. How do those shows/books factor in? Because the male characters have money? I don't know if she wants you to be a billionaire. I suppose only she can answer that. But it sounds like she just wants you to have a job. Does she work? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 You labelled her impulsive and brash. Do you really respect her? Yes, not everything is going to be peachy, but its hard having a spouse who is moping and not doing anything about it for a year. If you were going to the umemployment office, etc, 4 days a week and going to networking events in your field, she might have a different tune. Stress over not being able to pay bills is hard for a couple, especially when one is feeling superior because they are "equipped to know things won't be peachy" and feels the other person has no clue. She didn't leave you over 50 shades of grey. She read it as an escape, probably, just like people watch movies or read romance novels to have a break from their life. It probably helped that she tried to mentally escape a little bit once in awhile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nbr Posted November 9, 2012 Share Posted November 9, 2012 I know the following won't help you much right now but it will later - better she bailed now than after ten years of marriage and a couple of children. As someone who's 10 year anniversary is in 7 days, and who has two kids, and is facing a divorce, I will vouch for this statement being absolutely true. -nbr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hijazi Posted November 10, 2012 Author Share Posted November 10, 2012 So I went to meet her... she repeatedly told me it's over, she's 100% sure, she said she won't come back not today, not tomorrow, not tomorrow... but she begged me to stay in touch and be my friend. I think it's because she wants the good parts of the relationship (being there for her, friendship, support and advice) and get rid of what wasn't working for her, which is the marriage, her being there for me, supporting me no matter what etc... now she wants to meet once a week and keep in touch... I don't know how to interpret that properly... she's screwing my head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted November 10, 2012 Share Posted November 10, 2012 Tell her that you don't need her as a friend who just wants to take from you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bulletproof Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 She sounds pretty sure. Might be time to start the process of acceptance. You are certainly not obligated to be anyone's friend, but it might be in your own best interest to keep it civil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FYI Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 It's hard to see right at this moment, but I think you will be better off without her in the long run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hijazi Posted November 15, 2012 Author Share Posted November 15, 2012 Perhaps. But until my ink is on those divorce papers, I will not give up. I am not contacting her or meeting her though. I left that ball in her court. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hijazi Posted November 17, 2012 Author Share Posted November 17, 2012 Major update : she called me today sobbing on the phone telling me how sad she was but keeping her guard up. I offered to come see her but she though it would be a mistake. So I told her I'd be at a bar (public place ya know?) and she could join if she wanted. She did. But when she came came over, she acted more like she needed a release or good time and a shoulder to lean on rather than anything. She tried to find out if I had been with other women ever since she left, almost forcing me to say I did. Even though I did not. I did tell her I went out with my friends and that I'm trying to take care of myself... She seemed much better after the meeting and left to bed tired. I went home... I'm not entirely sure what to make of it, but I have my own theories... thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted November 17, 2012 Share Posted November 17, 2012 You are being back-burnered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hijazi Posted November 18, 2012 Author Share Posted November 18, 2012 What do you mean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted November 18, 2012 Share Posted November 18, 2012 She wants to make sure that by holding out hope to you, you won't move on to someone else - that you will still be availaible if she can't do better with someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hijazi Posted November 19, 2012 Author Share Posted November 19, 2012 Well that's no good is it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deepblu Posted November 19, 2012 Share Posted November 19, 2012 I hope that you can continue your marriage in a way that pleases both of of you. The pain is so huge I know am am going thru it. My husband wants a divorce. All I can say is keep going for what you want in you marriage, but as I am trying to do is improve your depressed state and heal yourself. I did the atrocity that catipulted my tail spin, of couse both side play a roll to the break down. I was young, and now I am more experienced and I know the time and love you devoted never vanishes, what I am saying is if she can stop feeling nothing for a minute and feel what drew you together, remembering that foundation may help. Know that and know you. She has to find that love again and the grass looks very green on the other side. Keep watering you garden, I hope she comes back to you. I can't believe some of the reasons why people abandon the relationship, I am sorry for your pain, but feel good that you didn't hurt her. You are trying to be her everything in the marriage, you will swim out to a certain point to save your marriage but, I've been told you can only swim so far before you drown. It takes two to tango, keep her dancing! Aloha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hijazi Posted November 19, 2012 Author Share Posted November 19, 2012 I feel like I 've let myself down and by default not been the person she deserves. But I never in 6 years hurt her or actively sought to harm her. Quite the contrary I've always been there for her and she recognizes that. She seems confused but at the same time stubborn with her decision. Kinda of like my decision is for the best but I'm not strong enough to pull it through so I need him next to me regardless. it's very frustrating and difficult for me as I still deeply love her and would like to make amends and make it work. She just gave it all and decided she had no more patience or love to offer. Seems like a brain vs heart matter to her now. Which one will win out is hard to tell... But as I said previously I would hate myself for giving up hope before the divorce is finalized Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anomander Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 Look - let it go. Divorce is hard on all parties, and there's a chance that even though she's the one that called it off, she's still struggling with the reality of things. I'll play devil's advocate here. She's not necessarily putting you on the backburner (though the cynic in me says that's what's most likely the case). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hijazi Posted November 26, 2012 Author Share Posted November 26, 2012 Well a very bad thing happened... She told me that she heard from one of my friends that I'm not planning to give up on her and want her back. So she called me me, informed me of this and told me to let her go... That she already has over a long time without her realizing and that she now wants time apart as it would not be fair to me since I still love her deeply... I'm at a loss here... The pain is unbearable, and waking up everyday to nothing is like my mind is gone and my body is on auto pilot. I simply cannot let go. No matter how hard I try, she's always on my mind 24/7. Even when I sleep. It's a living nightmare to the point of contemplating suicide. Even though I know I'd never go through with it because I don't want to hurt the people that care about me and also know that in time I'll be alright. It's today and to tomorrow I'm worried about as life has no taste or meaning... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InkedDragon Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 You're going through a normal response. I went through the same thing. The pain, the constant worrying, the millions of scenarios of what ifs, etc. You know what helped? Lessening contact. You can't make the situation worse if you do NOTHING. If she really wants a divorce, there will be nothing you can say or do to change her mind. So start protecting yourself now and getting yourself mentally and emotionally stable to deal with whatever happens. If she hasn't filed yet then you need to be prepared NOW. Wish you the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deepblu Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 Well at least she has given some time to the matter. I feel for you. I am in it too. this is all normal. I don't know how long I'll be able to prolong my divorce, hopefully long enough that my partner wants us back. Slim but am hanging in there. You should tell her to start the process. Put it in her hands. She wants out she has to do it. you dont have to sign right away. Maybe things will change for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hijazi Posted November 28, 2012 Author Share Posted November 28, 2012 It's been over a month she's left our house now. And I feel even worse than at the beginning. I lost 8KGs and feel deep sadness everyday and cannot concentrate on anything else! She seems to genuinely care about me but gives off this I want nothing more than your friendship attitude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lester Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 There is no greater pain! There are cultures/circles, that if not gainfully employed you are not worth keeping. Is that what this is all about? If so, why on earth would you want to pursue this marriage? Marriage is supposed to be about the hard times! It’s where all of our enduring memories in front of the fire come from! You don’t need the army tank of marriage to fight daisies! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 You may want to consider therapy. Hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hijazi Posted December 12, 2012 Author Share Posted December 12, 2012 I don't have money for therapy... and she hasn't even started the divorce procedure yet and it's been 2 months since she left!! And she keeps checking up on me regularly. She's confusing me to my very core and it's not making things easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.