lsuslu Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 havent been on her for a while but i thought i would post my one year post breakup followup. First off this site helped me greatly while i was going through my breakup a year ago. You can search for my posts to see what happened as i dont feel like reposting it all over again. At this time last year went through a very rough ordeal for a girl I still have feelings for. Moved from the town we lived in to the city and it defiantly helped after finding out she jumped right into another relationship within a month of being broke up. I have NOT been checking in on her and finally saw a picture a mutual friend posted on facebook. let me explain that i have blocked her and her friends so that even if they are tagged in a photo i wont see it. unfortunately no one tagged her in this photo. cutting to the chase i find out that not even a year has gone by and she is engaged and pregnant....... Initially i was in a bit of shock, and still am. Feels like an even bigger failure in my life as i dated her for almost 2 years. I regained some focus on myself and what i want out of life and set up some goals to achieve. I will be sending her a congrats card and i feel this will give me the closer i need. remember i havent talked to her in this year time span. part of me hates her while the other side is happy for her that she has finally found what she was looking for. i forgot to mention she already has a son that i was really close too. i will say that no contact and out of site out of mind does help. Do i still have feelings? yes of course i do!! but havent let those feelings interfere with her life please feel free to comment and make suggestions Thanks for reading Link to comment
jaciej Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 Personally I wouldnt send a congrats card, you are still a bit raw and the added news does not help. Carry on like you have and let "sleeping dogs lie". You will only be opening a can of worms by making contact. Link to comment
Loveandlost Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 you have feelings of how she use to be. Dude shes pregnant with another guys kid. That kid is going to be the center of her world for the rest of her life. If she came back to you tomorrow she would not be the same person she was when you last saw her. There would also be this kid, that would always be there and would always remind you of the guy she left you for. Keep your fond memories of her, dont let the reality of her life now change that. But let it go and close that chapter in your life because there is no way to reopen it. Shes somones baby momma now Link to comment
RedKite Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 What would be the point of sending a card? There is no harm in sending it, but I personally wouldn't. I might just be feeling bitter today, but pregnant AND getting married in less than a year! No. That really does not sound like something that will work out in the future. My theory on why people move on so fast with their next relationship and make big commitments (i.e. moving in together, babies, marriage) is because they think that they have learnt from the previous relationship and think that because it is not like the previous relationship it must be perfect. It will work this time. Or something like that. They give themselves no time to get over and reflect on past relationship because they cannot bare to be alone. Link to comment
FreeFallFeelin Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 I wouldn't send a congrats card. Are you really that happy about her pregnancy? Really? She'll see right through it too. I suspect what you're really after is for her to respond with something like "I'm sorry ...I will always have a place for you in my heart". Ain't gonna happen. She has moved on a committed so completely to her new life that there's no way she's going to allow anything that threatens that in any way, into that new life. Don't think that her ability to move so quickly reflects anything about you or your value. Some people are just that way. They can "flip the switch" and never look back. It is degrading when you're not that way, but get treated that way. But the truth is that is has nothing to do with you. This quote from RedKite ^^^ says it very well - "My theory on why people move on so fast with their next relationship and make big commitments (i.e. moving in together, babies, marriage) is because they think that they have learnt from the previous relationship and think that because it is not like the previous relationship it must be perfect. It will work this time. Or something like that. They give themselves no time to get over and reflect on past relationship because they cannot bare to be alone." Link to comment
lsuslu Posted October 25, 2012 Author Share Posted October 25, 2012 the whole card thing is still in the air. Yall are doing a great job of making me doubt it!! lol I do like redkites theory on this and have discussed it with some mutual friends who have all agreed with that point. the funny thing is i have 3 exes all engaged! One i havent talked to in years, one i dated 15 years ago and we are still friends and this past relationship. freefallfeelin, i thank you for the confidence boost! i have been busting my ass in the gym and am seeing results and any little extra does help. just sucks when these things come out of left field and you werent expecting it or needing to know about it. My roommate knew about this for a while now and chose not to tell me as i knew about his ex doing the exact same thing and i did not tell him. then bam facebook pulls you back down!! lmao Thanks for all the advice and comments please keep them coming!! Link to comment
Frederik Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 ....I might just be feeling bitter today, but pregnant AND getting married in less than a year! No. That really does not sound like something that will work out in the future .... My theory on why people move on so fast with their next relationship and make big commitments (i.e. moving in together, babies, marriage) is because they think that they have learnt from the previous relationship and think that because it is not like the previous relationship it must be perfect. It will work this time. Or something like that. They give themselves no time to get over and reflect on past relationship because they cannot bare to be alone. I agree with RedKite. Jumping into another relationship a week after a breakup, then engaged and pregnant in less than a year? I give those two three to five years before their magic bubble will burst and probably end up with a divorce, premature seperation or a guy simply walking out. Do what you want with your card, but do remember that there are women who do not deserve such love from a man. Bonne chance. Link to comment
deedeee Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 YOur posting is definitely put me in serious thoughts of inactive/delete my fb account. I'm not sure if I'd be able to handle the news if he gets married to another girl shortly after broke off our wedding. f/b doesn't nothing good to any broken heart. Link to comment
lsuslu Posted October 26, 2012 Author Share Posted October 26, 2012 I actually deactivated mine for a good while. I started doing promotions for party's in New Orleans and had to reactivate it. Link to comment
dave1981 Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 You said you still have feelings for her, why open up communication again ? if will only hurt you and set you back. If she replies it will give you false hope. If she doesnt reply. you are going to be hurt all over again She is engaged and pregnant, if you are trying to win her back by sending a congrats card dont do it ! Link to comment
Kazuya Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 Similar situation, ex of 8 years got married to someone after lying about not seeing anyone else and stringing me along for good two years. Even I truly loved her I wouldn't want to have her back anymore because she had decided to destroy my dreams and trust totally by doing all these things to me while I had been convincing myself that she will come back eventually due to her assurance that eventually we will 'start all over'. Seems like I loved what she WAS, not what she IS now. Just look at this way, even if she comes back if the marriage didn't work out, can you stand up to the challenge of being the bastard's child father? I wouldn't because these women are the ones that picked irresponsible males to procreate with and I should not be some knight in the shining armor when waiting for another knife from the back. The letter, just keep it. Please move on. Its crappy but this is how it is, because I am just in your position like weeks ago. One day you will read the letter again, and most probably just laugh it out for being so in love with such people who not only treat you with little respect, but herself. Be well. Link to comment
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