How do you take YOUR mind off things?

[myonlymotive]

Hey all, this is a bit of a long story and I'm sorry about that! But if you can bear with me, that'd be the best.

 

I met a guy at work who I had great chemistry with and I liked a lot - so when he made a move I was happy to go along with what happened. We ended up hooking up and over the next few months it was great. After a couple of months passed however, I started falling for him.I warned him at this point that I was keen on him and that I'd probably ask him out down the track. He didn't give a solid response- saying 'I don't know what things will be like in a month, anything could happen.'

 

So a month later I asked him out and he said no, because he wasn't emotionally ready for a relationship.

 

Cool - so - great. I understand. He's been in two thee year relationships (though the last one ended a year and a half ago by what he said) and he isn't too keen to get serious anytime soon. We kept messing around - going on dates. He seemed to get really attached, messaging me every day and meeting up for lunch and .. normal.. date things.

 

Eventually I got sick of it, so I broached the subject again. I knew he'd been seeing a girl on and off when we first hooked up and I knew that his ex was still in the picture (somewhere)- so I asked him what he wanted. He said he was in a terrible mental state and on a month of 'No Contact' with his ex to, word for word, 'see if (he) could live without her'

 

At this point I sat down with one of my good friends and he told me that it's likely the guy was saying enough to keep me around without having to make a decision. Having his cake and eating it too- the girl on the side, the ex he doesn't know what to do with and.. me.

 

Angry and upset, I broke it off with him- for my own emotional health.

 

However, despite everything that has happened... I still like him. Alot. I miss him. I deleted him from my phone and from Facebook - like I would after a breakup - and I'm throwing myself into work, hobbies, sports and friends in order to get him off my mind... but I still see him everyday (we still work together) and he's constantly on my mind. We've also been friends for months before we started anything and I miss his friendship.

 

 

long story short

I guess what I'm after is some kind of validation that I did the right thing and.. I don't know. I also feel bad about myself for being led on and chasing after this guy for so long, I feel a bit useless, like I can't do anything right. Also I feel weak for still wanting him so much and I understand this goes away with time but... I don't feel like the greatest person right now. I'd like to be reminded that I'm only human and other humans make the same mistakes.

 

I'm also after some kind of suggestions... even exercises to help get my mind off him. Less 'take up a hobby' or 'spend time with friends' (because I've got these things covered) but even things like - exercises to concentrate on something to the exclusion of any outside thoughts, breathing things, thoughts or quote that mean something important to you. I understand that we weren't together and it hasn't been forever but, I fell hard for this guy - and any help would be appreciated

[Chalk]

It sounds like you did the right thing to protect yourself. I also don't think you should feel bad for 'letting yourself be led on': it takes two to tango and you thought something serious might happen. I think you are definitely human! It's not nice to make a mistake (although I wouldn't call falling for someone a mistake) it's how we learn. I'm a sensitive gal and bully myself far too much over mistakes I've made.

 

As for keeping your mind occupied...what kind of things do you like? I think part of grief/loss, especially if you're a woman, is over thinking the problem. It's natural to a point. I've written out a lot of my thoughts to get them out. I've been watching some pretty cool videos on YouTube by TED & stupid funny videos as well. You can do guided meditation on there if that's your sort of thing. Knitting's a bit hypnotic if you're watching tv. Sigh, I live a fun life post break up. Hope things get better. You did the right thing.