BCC123 Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Hi guys! Thanks for opening, just want some unbiased advice. So I've been dating my boyfriend since march. He is the best looking boyfriend I've ever had. I usually don't go for looks and all my bfs in the past have been ok but not super hot like my current bf. Well anyway, my roommate is a really cool girl. She's my best friend. But lately I've been feeling jealous of how her and my boyfriend get along. It's the way he acts around her I think. He's super friendly, really excited when she gets home, it's like they have more in common and get along better than me and him do. They also hang out a lot alone when I go to work and my roommate even says he acts a lot different when I'm not around. Like a lot happier. Idk how to approach this but it bothers me. I don't want my bf to think I think he's gonna cheat on me. But it's like he'd almost rather hang out with my roommate than his own or his friends since he hangs at my apt all day with her while I'm at work instead of leaving Is it wrong for me to be jealous? Any advice would be appreciated. I have brought it up to him before and he just says I'm insecure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wai Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 They also hang out a lot alone when I go to work and my roommate even says he acts a lot different when I'm not around. Like a lot happier. She's intentionally trying to get you jealous. Are you sure she's your best friend? It's common sense, no girlfriend on this wolrd will like that their boyfriend is happier around her best friend. I have brought it up to him before and he just says I'm insecure This sounds like he's trying to get you doubt your own instincts. It would be a red flag for me. No. you're not wrong to be jealous. I would feel the same if I were you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
25thfloor Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 I wouldn't trust that roomate if i were you. listen to what she's saying. and listen to what he's saying. they might have something going on, or they will soon. that girl is not your friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TalkThatTalk9 Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 please go with your gut instinct. if something is telling you that something is wrong... it probably is. I ignored hard core gut instincts for a while with my ex and a girl, and I ended up being right. everyone told me I was crazy. I would not trust this girl. but that is just me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedDress Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 I'm all for guys and girls being friends... but... But it's like he'd almost rather hang out with my roommate than his own or his friends since he hangs at my apt all day with her while I'm at work instead of leaving This is inappropriate. Seriously. And weird. If you were living on your own, do you think he'd hang out at your place all day while you are not there? Why doesn't he have a job to go to? Or she? and my roommate even says he acts a lot different when I'm not around. Like a lot happier. This is also inappropriate. Completely. While I, for example, am friends with some of my girlfriend's boyfriends or husbands and sometimes have a lot in common with them, I also go out of my way to make sure that they understand that it's completely platonic. I'd never, ever dream of triggering jealousy in this way. It's called respect for another person's relationship. And boundaries. What the heck was that comment about?? Does she want you to think your bf likes her more than she likes you?? The whole thing is completely weird and toxic. I also think you should go with your gut on this one... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pl3asehelp Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Pretty sure your man wishes he was dating your roommate instead of you and that your roommate understands this and enjoys it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figur Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Pretty sure your man wishes he was dating your roommate instead of you and that your roommate understands this and enjoys it. Yup, this about sums it up. I'd suggest breaking it off with him. It's great when boyfriends get along with your friends, even become friends themselves, but this all sounds different. It is very weird that he spends so much time with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pl3asehelp Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Yup, this about sums it up. I'd suggest breaking it off with him. It's great when boyfriends get along with your friends, even become friends themselves, but this all sounds different. It is very weird that he spends so much time with her. I don't think I'd be friends with the roommate after this either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
figur Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 ^^^ Agreed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bulletproof Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 I disagree with those saying that the bf and the best friend have agendas. We don't know that. I've gotten along well with boyfriends' roommates, and I've had roommates that have gotten along really well with my boyfriend, also. It doesn't mean anything. I agree with your bf- you just sound insecure. I'd be happy they like each other, as opposed to disliking other. That makes life a lot harder. However, I do wonder how it is he can hang out at your place all day. Does he work? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BCC123 Posted October 5, 2012 Author Share Posted October 5, 2012 Thank you all for the advice! I agree that I think my roommate has an ulterior motive. I think my bf is just extra nice to her cause he's hanging out at our place all day and he knows he doesn't live there I think my roommate enjoys this and rubs this in. She's always worried about what he thinks of her. I trust my boyfriend 100% and I don't think anything would ever happen between them I guess I'm just chalking it up to my roommate being jealous and trying to get under my skin? What do u guys think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aarya Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 Thank you all for the advice! I agree that I think my roommate has an ulterior motive. I think my bf is just extra nice to her cause he's hanging out at our place all day and he knows he doesn't live there I think my roommate enjoys this and rubs this in. She's always worried about what he thinks of her. I trust my boyfriend 100% and I don't think anything would ever happen between them I guess I'm just chalking it up to my roommate being jealous and trying to get under my skin? What do u guys think? I think that you have somehow decided to place all blame (if there exists any) on your friend and non on your boyfriend. Would the comments have bothered you as much if indeed your boyfriend left your place when you left and did not spend the extra time with her? If you trust your boyfriend as much as you say, I would sit down with him and have a non-confrontational talk mostly about how YOU FEEL about the situation with him and your friend and ask his opinion on what you both should do (if anything) for the benefit of your relationship with him. Do you feel comfortable talking to him like that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PetiteGirl Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 I have brought it up to him before and he just says I'm insecure I have issue with this. Instead of discussing with you about it, he closed the dialog by placing the blame on you being insecure. That's crossing the line. If it was my boyfriend, I would kick his ass for disrespecting me like that. I wonder how would he feel if you bring home a handsome single male friend and hang out with him alone all the time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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