Inlove with a man..Can't seem to let him go! What's wrong with me????? Help!!

[PP11777]

Wow, thank you so much! Everything you wrote is absolutely correct! He is having his cake and eating it too, if he truly loved me his actions would show it. Wow, I really really needed to hear this. Did you ex ever come back, try to make things right with you? Did he realize what he lost?

[DieTeufelKatze]

No, he didn't. And of course I have no way of knowing what he thinks, so I don't know if he ever realized what he lost. In time you will begin to realize what he does and thinks don't matter anyway.

[PP11777]

Thank you so much. I hope my feelings go away very soon. I just want to get over him, i'm tired of the up and down, mixed signals etc. I just need to look straight ahead and never look back. When I start missing him, I need to think of all the bad things he's done to me.

[lovinggirl]

OP, I'm in similar situation. I can't imagine myself ended up with someone else and I always believe he loves me and he would eventually change someday. I've been going to therapist and my therapist keeps challenging me to realize between "fantasy" and "reality", my fantasy is I would marry to him, have kids, and be happily ever after, the reality is he's emotionally and physically unavailable to me, he's avoiding the marriage talk and keeps telling me empty promises. Why do I still hold on to the fantasy?

 

Sometimes I wish I woke up someday and I don't have such feelings anymore, back to the person I was before I met him.

I read a book in the past that really helpful it's called how to break your addiction to a person by Howard Halpern, and I'm reading "If it's called love, why do I feel insecure?"

 

Right now, I haven't broken up with him because I'm not ready yet. I know if I broke up with him, I'm going to end up calling him again and embarrass myself. He knows my weakness already. I'm working on myself slowly. Make more friends and build my self-esteem. I will know when I'm ready to leave the relationship, but right now, I just want to take it one day at the time. I feel like, I'm worried too much about the future (whether I'm going to be married and have kids, or I'm going to die alone) that I don't live in present anymore like I used to.

 

 

I wish you all the best!

[DieTeufelKatze]

Thank you so much. I hope my feelings go away very soon. I just want to get over him, i'm tired of the up and down, mixed signals etc. I just need to look straight ahead and never look back. When I start missing him, I need to think of all the bad things he's done to me.

 

I know exactly how that feels... and commitmentphobic relationships are some of the hardest to get over because nothing seems to be wrong except for the one partner's inability to fully commit to the relationship. It is VERY hard to leave behind because the relationship always feels like it is so full of potential. The book "He's Scared, She's Scared" delves into this a lot - about why they are so hard to let go of.

 

One of the best things you can do right now is start focusing on yourself and trying to improve your life. Start a new hobby or re-awaken an old passion. Get a gym membership and try to get into shape, get a haircut and some new clothes, etc.. Make sure you try to keep your schedule full and be careful of overindulging in alcohol when you're out with your friends - if two glasses of wine gets you buzzed and pining after your ex, try to stick to just one glass, or spread out the couple drinks over several hours. Just until you're over the initial phase when you're so tempted to contact your ex. I broke NC several times this way when I broke up with my ex the first time. The second time we split, I avoided alcohol and was better able to stick to NC.

[PP11777]

Yeah alcohol makes me miss him more. This is the reason I reached out to him last night. I had wine and started feeling really sad and I missed him. I regret drinking the alcohol and calling him. I think i need not drink anymore. The relationship was full of potential but then again it wasn't because he never allowed it to fully blossom. I've decided i'm done with him and am starting NC tonight. I know a better relationship awaits me somewhere. I'm sick of worrying about him being with other girls and not committing to me fully. I deserve a lot better. I know it's going to be a long tough road ahead of me, but I am strong and I know I can do it. I got over a guy I dated for 6 years, hopefully I can get over this one too. I may need you guys through this phase, please keep telling me to not contact him. He already thinks i'll come running back, I want to prove him wrong this time!