Wife wants to smoke, kind of unusual situation I think.

[Unreasonable]

Ok, let me preface this by saying I don't want to offend any smokers. i don't think smokers are stupid people, and can see it's appeal, and I know it's an addiction that's very hard to break. So please don't bash me.

 

But, do people tend to take up smoking in their late 30s??

 

My wife grew up in a household where her dad smoked til she was 14. He was forced to smoke in the bathroom by the wife (a non-smoker), but for some reason let his kids in there. I think this was kind of a bonding experience. He was a pretty distant dad. However, she was not allowed to smoke and we do not smoke.

 

Since then, I think the smell of cigarettes has been a "comfort smell" to my wife. Occassionally she dreams about smoking and has urges for it. She has done it on a few occasions over the last 18 years we've been married to satisfy the urge. I am a staunch non-smoker, always have been, but I have allowed these blue moon activities because I can understand the appeal and why she would want to do it. And I don't think smoking once in a blue moon is exceptionally harmful.

 

My wife recently went to visit her family out of state and her sister, a smoker, gave her a free pack of cigarettes because they are much cheaper there. It's been a bit over a week and she's smoked half a pack. My thought is she would smoke up that one pack and that'd be it for a while.

 

Yesterday, she asked me if she could smoke more often. I said, uh, how much more often? She said, 42 hours? I looked at her in shock. Okay, how about 72 hours?

 

Are you friggin kidding me? I told her that at the very most I would only want her to smoke one cigarette a month.

 

She said she would respect that, but I'm completely bewildered right now, and questioning whether she'll be able to follow through on moderation. If she became a regular smoker I don't know how well I'd be able to handle it because that was not something I signed up for.

[DN]

You must do as you want but I could not live with someone who smoked. Even though I was a smoker myself it is 25 years or more since I stopped and now the smell makes me nauseated. I don't see the sense of taking it up when an adult given all the health risks, costs and social stigma.

[DN]

I see in a previous thread she has restless leg syndrome - smoking will make that worse:

link removed

[jaciej]

I fully understand your point, I am a non-smoker myself and I can never understand why someone would choose to take up this habit especially when they fully know the health implications...but to each their own.

 

There are electric cigarettes which are much safer and might give her that comfort

[Seraphim]

I would not live with a smoker. First there are the health risks. I have asthma because my father smoked. I have watched familiy members die in horrible agony from cancer because they smoked. If you have kids do NOT allow her to smoke on them and condemn them to health problems or your pets if you have them. Three, the cost alone is OUTRAGEOUS and for a reason, they don't want you to smoke them.

[Unreasonable]

I would not live with a smoker. First there are the health risks. I have asthma because my father smoked. I have watched familiy members die in horrible agony from cancer because they smoked. If you have kids do NOT allow her to smoke on them and condemn them to health problems or your pets if you have them. Three, the cost alone is OUTRAGEOUS and for a reason, they don't want you to smoke them.

That's another thing. I think these urges were caused by her dad. She would have to hide it from our kids. I'd be furious if they ever found out.

[itsallgrand]

People can get addicted at any time. I bet for your wife, because she has been able to go for longer periods of time as a casual smoker, she got lulled into thinking that she wouldn't get addicted. Sounds to me like she crossed the threshold.

 

This would be the perfect time for her to quit.

[Unreasonable]

I think I'm just going to see if she really can hold out for a month then reevaluate from there. I'm just going to have to trust she will keep me in the loop.

 

I mean, I can't shadow her and make sure she doesn't smoke. I've made my boundaries very clear. If she becomes addicted it won't be something she can hide forever.

[SteelJM1]

I started smoking at the age of 15, now I'm 28 and still at a pack a day habit. I absolutely hate it. There are very very few people in this world who don't get addicted to nicotine and the other chemicals within tobacco. Most people just think they won't, and then they're addicted and it's too late.

 

To START in her late 30's is a very stupid thing, I'm sorry to say. It will age her quickly. It will drain money quickly, because they NEVER get cheaper, and most people only smoke more until they hit their plateau which is generally 1-2 packs a day. You can ask every smoker what would be the one wish they could have granted and 95% of them would respond "I wish I never started smoking".

 

Sorry I have very strong feelings about this. I'm a smoker and i absolutely hate it. But I'm horrendously addicted to them. I would do everything in my power to have her quit. There's absolutely no redeeming quality about them. Not one.