coco9 Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 Hello, Been with my fiance for almost 5 yrs, we have 2 young children. Last night we got in an argument over something silly, a wedding assignment (his best friends wedding) anyways his bfs fiancé sent me a link for us to fill out a survey together, he told me rudely he was doing it alone and I should do mine alone, after confirming that we were suppose to do it together he told me " no one here even cares about you" "my family doesn't even like you" he just went off! He just gave me a diamond ring 2 weeks ago, which I returned after the way he spoke to me (like a piece of garbage) we have not said a word to each other for more than 24 hrs, and we live together! My family wants me to move home (accross country, this isn't first time he has treated me like this) I don't know what to do, he does not make me feel loved, I am criticized and he talks down to me (we are almost 30) I feel so lonely, and don't know of this is working out or if I should move on... Like I said, this isn't the first time he has done this to me... He isn't always like this, but every 3-6 month he blows up on me over nothing and makes me feel like garbage... Advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedDress Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 I think you might get a lot of differing opinions on this... I think your first priority and obligation is to your children. In my opinion, your children have a right to know and spend time with their father... so moving accross country just does not seem like an option to me. That being said - I don't think you are obligated to stay in a relationship where you are not happy. And I certainly don't think you should even consider marrying someone who speaks to you that way... Have you considered relationship/marriage councilling? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iBroken Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 I have a friend who left her marriage because of the way her husband spoke to her. It wasnt because of the tone, or the words, or the attitude. It was the day her 14 year old gave her lip service. She told her daughter not to speak to her like that and said "Why? Dad can!" She knew then that enough was enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coco9 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Share Posted August 22, 2012 Thanks for responding! I don't want to take the kids away from their father, that is not fair. He has refused councilling. I just don't want my kids seeing their father talk to their mother like this. I am not good enough, not to him anyway. I haven't been able to eat a thing since the argument. Living here, he never wants to do things as a family, it's all about his video games... I have been the one who has woke up with the kids for 3 yrs, taken them out to play. His family (lives in same city) can't be bothered to spend time with them (more than an hr a month) meanwhile my family can't stand the time away and wants to do everything with them... Moving accross country would take then from him, but they would have so much more family WANTING to go out and do stuff with them, instead of just me... I don't know, I don't want to take them from him, but sometimes moving seems like the better option for me and them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coco9 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Share Posted August 22, 2012 I am torn... Keep them in a city close to their dad, where they will never do anything with him or take them accross country, they won't have their dad, but a ton of family wanting to spend quality time with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coco9 Posted August 22, 2012 Author Share Posted August 22, 2012 I have a friend who left her marriage because of the way her husband spoke to her. It wasnt because of the tone, or the words, or the attitude. It was the day her 14 year old gave her lip service. She told her daughter not to speak to her like that and said "Why? Dad can!" She knew then that enough was enough. This is also what worries me! He talks to me like garbage... My 3 yr old already has started to talk to me same way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 Move home. As you are not married, you will have less issues -- but still have to deal w/ a custody agreement. You need a supportive environment to raise your children. He is not providing that in any way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lester Posted August 22, 2012 Share Posted August 22, 2012 Like Mhowe, I too would like to see you move but you must be careful. Custody battles can go either way. Rash actions will hurt your case. I would tape him making his/family unloving comments and consult an attorney. If you want to salvage the relationship he must experience loss. (Very hard with man-childs) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
becomingkate Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 When I broke up with my daughter's dad (who behaved much like your fiance) I promised that I'd never take away "his little girl." (He stood on my doorstep crying) They had semi-regular visits from the time she was 17 months old. Fifteen years later I was in a therapists office trying to explain to her why I "put her through years of hell with an abusive ass****." She wrote him off when she was 17 and has held her ground for 6 years. I think you should do what you need to do for you and your children. *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissLiv Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 This sounds like verbal abuse. Even if it's not on a regular basis, it's not right and you should NEVER have to take it. I would have to say you guys need a professional to evaluate this problem. If you guys are really committed to each other and plan on getting married, you need to be supportive of each other. It's his job to build you up and help you feel confident, not break you down. Personally, I went through a period where I was verbally abusive towards my boyfriend. It was like I wasn't myself. If I was having problems or stressed I'd lash out at him even though he was nothing but loving. I didn't want to be that way but it was like I couldn't control myself. I finally had to go to a therapist and worked like crazy to control my anger. I was also put on anti-depressants for my mood. Now, my boyfriend and I are in a great relationship. So, to sum up, this is fixable but he needs to be onboard and committed to fixing this. If he isn't, this problem will just continue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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