Stupid thoughts

[Confuzzled19]

I dont know why this is so difficult for me. Never has. Ive dated plenty of women and broke up without much of a passing thought. In desribed as heartless, unemotional, and loveless but now...how did i change?

 

I dated a woman for two years, thats not long at all. It started out amazing but she started to get clingy and emotional to the point of that jealous controlling girlfriend. I was caring for a time then i couldnt stand to be near her and she picked up on it. Then she broke up with me. I should be happy but im not. I date other women but i cant shake the longing for her. Completely out of my character.

 

We try to be friends but it doesnt work. Behind our superficial 'hope your doing well!' has that underlaying 'im jealous!' tone.

 

I dont wAnt to love her. We're horrible as a couple but i cant stop. I want to hear from her for some god forsaken reason. A month has past since i last called her and i refuse to but the feeling... Wont go away. We did ****ty unforgivable things to each other in impulsive anger. Is it guilt we still put on a fake smile when we see each other?

 

I dont want a heart or emotions. Help. Shes finally gone away in reality but in my mind, shes invasive as she used to be..

 

Why does she mean anything? I hated her. Is it because on the nights i had gotten too wasted that i promised to make her mine forever? Did my heart believe my alcohol induced words?

 

Maybe it hurts because i lost the power i had over her...am i that ****ed up?

[Johnny Utah]

I think you are correct about what you admitted. That took guts and honesty. Plus, it is something you can't have. Could it also be that she broke up with you? As a power thing, this bruised your ego?

 

You need to let it go though. You need to better yourself. These qualities are not healthy and won't contribute to your future happiness.