Lily04 Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 The Burning Our eyes stung with such ferocity of being; a bitter consequence of the tension beneath, stirring. Her eyes so softly burning, The flickers buried deep within a Corea of Coldness; 'Usurpers of Love', I called them, For why shall they be Seeking? Time - within mere seconds elapsed to ask a single, dropping, 'Why?' An answer with a language of such complexity – every soft 'a' and 'e' and 'i', and every harsh accented 'c' and 'v' and 'y' spurted, An alphabet of loss; that temperate, aching trembling. An impulse within then rose to tease my throat, To burn the thoughts - (Enough!) Yet those two whole, black, burning spheres, like coals had just been Struck. And so there I was dissolved; melting in her now, the alpha and beta fixed - my mind a union of bleeding nothingness. "Whatever had was gone," I said And whatever was, had never been; there were merely eyes, merely looks, mirrored laughs and tears, and holds; yet none of that could have ever been so real. There was now only eyes. Hers so narrowed now, in cold and dawning sight. "Yes," they said, "You're right." A newly formed conviction, A new burning, Raw inscription. "For you are all too cold," she dismissed. Her eyes all shifting time - "A step too late, it seems." Walking on, it's done now; A fading memory. Postnote I am entering this poem in my university's poetry contest, so that means (1) any feedback is much appreciated and (2) it will be copyright me in that case, so if you are considering taking any of it, that is plaigarism. Even if it's not published it is still plaigarism, but I just thought I'd give you a head's up, because the internet can be a scary place for this stuff. Also, the reason why I posted this poem here was because this message board was such a great help to me this summer & in September in particular, in releasing my emotions & receiving helpful feedback, and so I thought it was somewhat appropriate. This poem encapsulates some of the tension I've felt recently. I am currently in love with my boyfriend but felt an unharbored attraction to someone else who is also in a commited relationship and due to a strong initial attraction between us (I'm assuming), there was always a lingering tension. This poem is loosely based on one time when I saw him & his eyes briefly locked with mine, before very cooly flickering elsewhere, as if he didn't care, or as if he didn't even know me. Although I pretended to be cool I felt like I was burning inside with shame and anger, because at that time I was still very much attracted to him, and he was trying to pretend there was nothing there, not even friendship. This poem is a dramatic, extrapolated version of what happened..sorta. After writing it I feel a lot better. I am officially 'over' him now, so that's good..and still very much in love with my boyfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serendipity1607307077 Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 This is a fantastic piece, well done! It has so much meaning and depth. I love it when you can read poetry and feel very touched by every word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SarCareBear Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 Very very good! i like your free verse style. much better than most typical teen stuff going around, i really like a poem that isn't about darkness and despair all the time. definitly submit it! Also i know that unsafe attraction you are talking about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily04 Posted October 15, 2004 Author Share Posted October 15, 2004 Hey guys, thanks for the input. SarCareBear, this is my first time writing free verse so I'm not that good yet..still used to the more traditional style. And did you go through something similar, or do you mean you read my previous messages? hehehe..that was quite a crush I had; but it's over now. thanks again, sparrow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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