r0ckox Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Just going on a little rant this morning. I've been reading around lately and I'm finding a lot of "confused" threads. "her behavior doesn't add up." "what are we?" "i'm confused" and so on. It seems like a lot of people are getting toyed with, and it boggles my mind at how people can put up with this crap. Not going to call the person out or anything, but I just read a thread where a guy and a girl broke up, then the next day they had sex and now they're unsure of what they are, because she doesn't want to commit long term, but they still do "couple" things and so on. Why can't people just say these things? Why does everyone have to be so confusing all the time and hide what they think? I just put up with 3 years of the most confusing behavior on the face of the planet, and I must have asked 100 times.,.. "Why can't you just say something? Just tell me what you want, or what it is!" and naturally she didn't - until I caught her in yet another lie and called her out on it. I just don't get it... if anyone asks me a question, about anything, you'll have 100% honesty and there is no game playing... so why is it so hard for everyone else? If I'm unsure about what our relationship is/will be, I'll simply say that... and from there I won't go on acting like we're dating if we aren't. I don't lead anyone on, I don't tell people "i miss you" if I don't, and so on. I can say with 100% certainty that there hasn't been a single person on this planet who's ever called me confusing, or sat there all depressed asking me what I wanted. I always made it known one way or another, and I'm completely lost at how hard it is for everyone else to do that. What do you guys think? I don't have a whole lot of self-esteem so I don't think it's a confidence issue that we're all dealing with... it's gotta be something else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedLove Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I agree with you. I am 100% upfront with my bf, if something upsets me then I ponder over whether it is enough for me to mention to him and then I tell him. I question things a lot because he is confusing. If something bothers him he'd rather just "let it go" then say something which makes me nervous and more awkward because I'm wondering if it'll be the end of the rope by the time he finally decides to say something (especially when I can TELL something is bothering him but he decides to remain silent). It's also hard because it makes me look like the bad guy being upfront with him even though he may have issues too. Like if he doesn't want to come over - for one reason or another, he skips around the answer with maybe's and then will tell me no at the last minute. If he'd just say no to begin with I wouldn't question anything because he was being straight forward. It's like he loves to see have me waiting on him for him just to say no. Or issues in our relationship - he'll just seem off but won't tell me why and I end up worrying and guessing. I thought this issue was just with me!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paradoxical Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Because we are scared to lose the other person and they'd walk out from our lives if we're being too frank with them. That's what I've learnt. When I'm honest, eventually some **** happens and screws up everything But yes I do agree Better to be frank than to let the other person find out later and hurt them even more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted July 24, 2012 Author Share Posted July 24, 2012 Anyone that walks out of your life for being honest, wasn't worth being there in the first place. That's what I've learned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
photograph11 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I agree with some posters. I remember my recent semi-ex-gf, I never asked her what we were, I didnt want to scare her away. That was the reason why I never said anything. After a month she told me "it was about time that she calls me her gf" I took those words for gold, started to have feelings for her, asked her if what we had wasn't a "thrill" and a few months later I just mentioned how I had feelings for her. She broke up with me the next day. I learned to never confess my feelings for someone until they say it first, I was honest and meant it, and she left me, I really don't feel like opening up anymore because of this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pineapplejuice Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 If you want to know, then ask. One does not have to tell it upfront. R0ckox hits it right on the spot actually. Just an example: once I was friends with a guy... until someone asked us if we were bf and gf, he answered "yes sort of" and I was like... no? Awkward. Then again someone called me his girlfriend. I freaked out on the inside... then I broke the contact. He should have asked on beforehand lol. Weirdness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sportster2005 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Anyone that walks out of your life for being honest, wasn't worth being there in the first place. That's what I've learned. Everything taken to extremes without discretion or done insensitively has the potential to hurt. While I don't advocate dishonesty I'm equally appalled at people that think they can hide behind honesty when they are being hurtful. You know the type? They are unnecessarily harsh, leave people hurt and then announce with false pride they are 'just being honest'. Being honest isn't a license to be insensitive or to feel holier than thou art. Any virtue becomes a vice when used with insensitive intentions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helis4life Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Love and fear. The two most fundamental and powerful emotions. From these I believe stems all others. I guess most people are afraid to say what they feel for the consequences. I am the same. To be completely open is to be vulnerable Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorshammer Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 Insecurity my friend, it stops them from revealing the truth because they believe you will stop chasing, or will find someone else. They keep you in limbo, as back-up, as reassurance, as an ego-boost, as something to look back on and say... "he still loves me, so i am not all that bad". This is very common, and i wont lie, i myself had to learn to not to slip and do this to someone, because it was so normal in the dating world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Psychomagnet Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 It's self destructive fear due to their own insecurities as Thorshammer said. But it ALWAYS backfires on them. Usually goes like this: "I really like this person so I'm gonna behave in a way that sabotages my dealings with them...to protect myself from them finding out my flaws and running (because I would if i were them hehe )wow I'm a real mess..they can never know or they won't like me! cuz I don't...wait....huh...WAIT come back!! omg..why don't they like me I don't understand! They are supposed to be chasing me professing undying love and cupcakes! I only cancelled every other date and sent naked pics after telling them I just want to be remote long distance platonic friends who only date on my terms if there's an eclipse!!...I only didn't respond to them for 2 weeks after they called me...WHAT'S WRONG WITH THEM??!!!" Life is too short to be afraid. People are in love with their own fear...so they will ALWAYS play headgames. Tough part is finding one that won't, if they even exist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
r0ckox Posted July 25, 2012 Author Share Posted July 25, 2012 Haha, you certainly got it. Funny how you bring up the "I only cancelled every other date and sent naked pics after telling them I just want to be remote long distance platonic friends" that's what my ex-friend or whatever she was, would do. She'd tell me "I'm not ready for a relationship right now!" and then a week later send me some revealing picture. When will we learn? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Psychomagnet Posted July 27, 2012 Share Posted July 27, 2012 Oh we DO learn...to do it in return lol Last time I heard the "not ready" bit I responded with ..."cool that's a very mature semi-honest answer, so while you ponder it ....no worries, I will be investigating the readiness of others, I mean surely you're cool with that no? Call me anytime^^" When receiving naked pics from a tease go "awww cute! Sigh if only you were real, ttyl! The one who most recently derailed me after sending a nakey shot acted the same way. So I flipped the script and made a semi-joke of it and she just planned a weekend with me (her idea). You become a challenge when she isn't your focus especially when they are aware of it. One thing when dealing with these types...DO NOT get Oneitous...line up some others and go date because if she hit you with that line you better believe she is too or at least trying to make you think that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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