itsallgrand Posted July 7, 2016 Author Share Posted July 7, 2016 I am joining you next time. Yes, that'd be awesome!! Also, where they is 90?! I miss my bud. Where are ya?! M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted July 7, 2016 Author Share Posted July 7, 2016 Ps, can't stop giggling at 'vip' treatment and 'vip' bathrooms. ?! Still a poor girl at heart, I guess.?!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted July 8, 2016 Author Share Posted July 8, 2016 One day at work hung over in my entire working life, and I remember why I don't usually drink much or enough to get drunk. It feels so gross physically- I'm really in awe at people who do it regularly ! My work out schedule is thrown off, I felt like poop all day and like the day was 'wasted'. I had a nap after work, finished Orange is the New Black ( damn, I loved that character!), and followed through on an a promise to make pies. Be careful what you say when all full of excitement about strawberry season! 😉 I just finished a bunch of strawberry rhubarb pies because I opened my mouth about 'maybe I'll do some baking'. Oh well. Had a very fun time, and will make a few people pretty happy that I stayed home tonight and baked. Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted July 21, 2016 Author Share Posted July 21, 2016 The heat. Oh my god, the heat! Yesterday it went above 40 and the air was so thick and humid. So you know, of course, that's the day the city decides to replace a water main in my neighbourhood. So no water for the day. Today is going to be gross hot too. Honestly, I don't think I could cut it somewhere that gets this hot regularly. I can't handle the heat. Even with reprieves to air con. I vomited several times yesterday. I felt ill. The problem is I tend to under estimate how it is getting to me til its too late. Mom had her last treatment yesterday. She has a scan soon. We will find out how it's working soon, next month. I took her for a pedi and lunch the day before. She gets tired so fast. But the nausea is finally under the control after treatments. I just love her so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imsuperman Posted July 21, 2016 Share Posted July 21, 2016 It's hot here too. This weekend it's going to be even hotter. Hope you guys get good news next month! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted July 21, 2016 Share Posted July 21, 2016 The heat. Oh my god, the heat! Yesterday it went above 40 and the air was so thick and humid. So you know, of course, that's the day the city decides to replace a water main in my neighbourhood. So no water for the day. Today is going to be gross hot too. Honestly, I don't think I could cut it somewhere that gets this hot regularly. I can't handle the heat. Even with reprieves to air con. I vomited several times yesterday. I felt ill. The problem is I tend to under estimate how it is getting to me til its too late. Mom had her last treatment yesterday. She has a scan soon. We will find out how it's working soon, next month. I took her for a pedi and lunch the day before. She gets tired so fast. But the nausea is finally under the control after treatments. I just love her so much. Oh my it is going to be hot as hell here too for the next week almost 40C . We have a water ban as well. I am going to put out bowls of water for birds so they can at least drink something. I hope the news is great about your mom. ❤️ Yes keep bottles of water handy or drink lots of water when it's super hot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted July 21, 2016 Author Share Posted July 21, 2016 Oh no, looks like we are all suffering together in the same boat!! Hot boat. Thanks for the well wishes for mom. Much appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted July 22, 2016 Share Posted July 22, 2016 I'm putting out positive vibes that your moms scan results are good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted July 27, 2016 Author Share Posted July 27, 2016 I've been seeing a councillor. She's a relationship councillor, and though I've never asked, I would guess she is close to my age. I'm part of a project that includes research. I signed up and because the data is also being used as part of a larger study, it is free of cost to me. She's very nice and I like her a lot. I feel safe and walk out of there feeling positive and that I've taken something valuable out of the session. It's once every two weeks and I think I've been there oh five times or so plus intake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted August 12, 2016 Author Share Posted August 12, 2016 I've been away from home for a couple of days. Had a lot of fun. Think it's necessary I get away for these micro vacations. Have a week booked off, was going to road trip it for a week. I don't think I will be doing that now, not now. The stress has been weighing on me even talking about it, I can't get properly excited. Too much going on here, and too much going on with me emotionally. I've been really stressing about it as I really want to go. But I feel guilt, worry. And thinking of not going, I feel guilt, worry! It's super hard trying to strike a balance - and I feel bad no matter what I do now. I'm glad I have the councillor, as she's giving me a safe place and tools to deal and just feel. There is so much wrapped up in 'feel' for me - I fight the feels . But I'm learning. The natural of feelings- something you can't totally control. Emotions are much like water. In so many ways. Moms treatment didn't work as hoped. In a blink, it's on now to clinical trial time. She wants to try. And we are lucky enough to have access to it. It's a long shot, but if it works, it's a great return. Years of quality life. Within the week, it's begun. We had a day or two to process and get it started. Everything feels up in the air. It isn't - but I do feel more than usually in the hands of outside forces. How much of our lives is really anchor less? More than I like to imagine, live by, I always try to have a base - any way I have to. This is where gratitude comes into play yet again. There's lots to be grateful for. That's my base now. Look for something good, reside there as much as possible, and don't forget it while feeling and going through the uncomfortable, the painful. It does help keep me level, without ignoring that tough Sgt. Does happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 I am rooting in you and your mom's corner. ❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted August 12, 2016 Author Share Posted August 12, 2016 I am rooting in you and your mom's corner. ❤️ Thank you . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted August 17, 2016 Author Share Posted August 17, 2016 Yesterday the bf and I went tandem biking as a last minute goof. It turned out to be so much fun! We made it 'extreme!!!' Tandem biking 😀 Today we go to the beach. I'm excited for it. Swimming , mostly. I can't wait to get done work and go. Then after that I'll be spending lots of time with mom. She's feeling and looking so well on this new treatment. That's exciting in itself. She is still not bursting with energy, of course, but it's a huge improvement. All the reading I've done on this new drug has been so optimistic and positive for the most part. Moms excited to help further the research - when she says stuff like that my heart just bursts with pride. My mom - she really cares deeply about others, even strangers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted August 19, 2016 Author Share Posted August 19, 2016 I'm feeling so incredibly sad today. Mom is the same, it's not that. I just feel such sadness. Most days it's not so overwhelming, and I can usually control it, keep it in check. Today though it feels like all my energy is used up. I'm on autopilot doing what I have to, but I am barely getting through. And I had a nightmare last night, a very poor sleep. I know I won't feel like this forever but for now, this really sucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted August 19, 2016 Share Posted August 19, 2016 (((((IAG)))))) I know the feeling well. I hope you feel better soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted August 19, 2016 Author Share Posted August 19, 2016 ((Faraday)). It's just that kind of day I guess. Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted August 20, 2016 Author Share Posted August 20, 2016 I had a good long ugly cry once I got home from work. It helped. I tried an exercise suggested about feeling and identifying the pain/feeling in my body. It was uncomfortable and difficult for me. But it did help me connect more with the actual feeling . Which is what made it so uncomfortable. Stuffing it down and composing myself is like an automatic reflex for me. It takes a lot of effort to stay with the pain. Lots of things came up for me. Part of the exercise is touching the place on your body where the feelings are coming from, and giving it empathy and love. As though it were a child in need of nurturing or someone you love. That made me quite aware, painfully, of the care I need now but am not giving myself. So rough day, but productive in its own right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted August 21, 2016 Author Share Posted August 21, 2016 [video=youtube;cWypWe9UAhQ] ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 Back to work after a week off. I didn't miss it. Things are going to have to change. Or rather, I'm going to have to make some changes. Having that little bit of solid time off helped me to realize just how exhausted I am. I slept a lot, even took naps in the afternoon sometimes. I spent a lot of my time off with mom. Which was great. The rest of it, honestly, I had a lot of personal things to do which has been getting pushed to the wayside. Basic things. It felt so good, I felt so much less stressed and pressured. That feeling of always leaving several important things undone, was relieved, because I could get it done! I gave up my real vacation - our road trip - to stay home and do all this. That in itself had me at my brink. Feeling like I had to choose between my health and wellbeing and being able to be there for mom, and a planned fun adventure with my boyfriend. I missed him like crazy, and so longed to be out on that adventure. But I had to choose... He comes home today. I know he misses me too. He cut his time short to come back to me. Not that I asked! I know how hard this all is on him too, no matter how hard I try. Something has to give and it's not going to be my health, my time with my loved ones, not this time. I'm over it. I'm over 'sucking it up'. I want to get through this period with full feelings and being engaged. Now it's just a matter of handling some schedules. Someone else can work harder for a while. Me, I'm going to do only that which I reasonably can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 You made the right decision. I'm glad that you stayed home and took time to recover. It's important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 Thanks faraday. I think I made the right decision too. Even though it wasn't an easy one to make. I'm lucky to have the support and understanding that I do. I just have to remember it's ok to use it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted September 2, 2016 Author Share Posted September 2, 2016 Just a random thought here. I'm not at all used to being treated in a way that makes me feel like I am being looked down upon because I am a woman , or excluded, so when it does happen even in more subtle ways, I find it rather jarring. I took the bf with me today to go look for some hops and yeast so I could put down a batch of beer and show him around a little bit as he wants to make a batch with me and see what it's all about. Just a fun hobby right?! A different guy I hadn't spoken to before was at the shop, and the way he spoke with me ( not to me, through me, and kept going back to my bf even after he knew I was the one there to shop), well I almost doubted myself that a grown ass man would do that. But once we were out of there, I mentioned it to my bf and he said yes, I noticed that too, you aren't being paranoid! Every time I would ask a question about a product or try to speak, this guy would ignore me and answer the question as though my bf had asked it and as though I was an idiot. And what really gets me is, he was trying to impress him with a bunch of bull jargon. What a turd. I liked how my guy was having none of it - he just kept referring the guy back to me and telling him, hey, she's the one you should be talking to. But man, what the hell? What was his problem, did I encroach upon a 'no woman talkie zone' with him or something, the high manly sanctity of his beer? Ha Like I said, I'm not used to people who think like that. It's like they are in a different mental world.., one that's really gross to me, frankly. And back in time.. It just looks so stupid . Rant over Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imsuperman Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 Some people are just no socially calibrated. At all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProtestTheHero Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 That happens to me with some frequency in one specific area -- fashion. I know a ton about men's classic fashion, especially business, business casual, and anything to do with shoes. I can tell you the difference between Enzo Bonafe, Gaziano and Girling, Carmina, etc. I went to a decent store around here with my girlfriend and it was amusing to see how the salesperson directed all their commentary to her, as if I was being dragged along to something I didn't personally enjoy and she was responsible for outfitting me. When I'm out without her, I'm often accused of being gay in bars or casinos. All it takes is pomade in your hair, a pair of well fitting chinos, a nice double monk shoe, and a button-down and boom, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted September 3, 2016 Author Share Posted September 3, 2016 Thank you both for chiming in. PTH- good to see you! I can see that happening easily when it comes to fashion. Your story made me think it's more about the tendency to stereotype than anything else. Some people have some strong ideas when it comes to what a man or woman could be interested in. It's funny because I am not all knowledgable when it comes to fashion. I've never had an interest in it - I just want to be comfortable and look presentable, the details I wish others would take care of for me. Lol. I think it's neat that we live in a place and time where we all can relatively pursue any interest or activity we want. We are lucky, really. Hope you are well PTH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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