lonely rose Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 Hi there! I met someone online and we've been going out for about a month now. He's been out of a fairly long relationship and seems like a decent guy, but I don't know what he's currently looking for. We live 30 miles away from each other and only meet once a week or so as we both are pretty busy. I closed my profile a while ago, but was curious if he still has his and didn't want to ask, so I created an empty one (without a picture) and I just saw he has been online a couple of days ago. Is it too early in the relationship if I can call it a relationship yet to worry that he might be meeting others? When do people usually talk about exclusivity? I'm a foreigner, so I'm sorry if that sounds like a stupid question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkelephant Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 Usually, in my experience, the guy brings it up about a month into it. Are you seeing others? Here's something to try (and others on here may disagree and I expect some will). If he asks you out again on a friday night, say you can't since you'll be going out and don't give any details. If he later asks about it, just tell him what you did, not who you did it with. Have some nights blocked out when he asks. Guys will often think you're out with another guy (as in the beginning, so are they usually). If they are keen about you, they will try to probe a little or try to lock you down. If that doesn't work, or if that's not really your style, try asking him. Hey, I was just wondering and I'm not pressuring you, but what are you looking for? Sorry, just re-read your post. If you've only met 3-4 times, it's probably too early to expect the exclusivity talk. Give it another month. If he doesn't say anything by then, he might be a slow mover (or your dates are just shorter than my usual ones lol) or he might not be into you. By then, having a casual 'what are you looking for talk' should be more.. i don't know, better timed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natasha24 Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 In my opinion, it's way too early for the exclusive talk. It's perfectly fine for him to be on the dating site still. But you can ask what he's looking for. Don't push exclusivity, just ask him "Are you looking for short term/just fun, or are you looking to meet someone serious?" It's fair for you to know that, so you don't waste your time if you're looking for different things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonely rose Posted June 27, 2012 Author Share Posted June 27, 2012 Thanks. But usually, is there a time frame in which to expect the exclusivity talk? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aussielis Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 In my opinion, it's way too early for the exclusive talk. It's perfectly fine for him to be on the dating site still. But you can ask what he's looking for. Don't push exclusivity, just ask him "Are you looking for short term/just fun, or are you looking to meet someone serious?" It's fair for you to know that, so you don't waste your time if you're looking for different things. nothing wrong with asking what you are looking for, i asked this after 2 weeks as the guy was pushing me for sex however he told me he was looking for a girlfriend, i stupidly did it that night and never heard from him again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkelephant Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natasha24 Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 Thanks. But usually, is there a time frame in which to expect the exclusivity talk? I'm not sure. Like pinkelephant posted above, I made an exact thread about this a little while ago. Everyone has a different opinion. Personally, I would have the exclusivity talk around 2 months (don't push it, just ask "Is this going anywhere? Are you seeing other girls?"), and I wouldn't stick around longer than 4 months with a guy who wouldn't commit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoSoulNoLove Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 Yeah if your with him and you know hes on a date website then move on so many fish in the sea you can do better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markfromark Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 I'm a foreigner, so I'm sorry if that sounds like a stupid question. no, it's not a stupid question. Americans have this strange habit of dating and having a exclusivity talk at some point. It's weird. Talk to him and ask him directly and follow your instinct. People who just came out of long relationships are usually bad choices for long term partnerships. He needs at least a year to clear his head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TearsofFate Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 I think since he came out of a long relationship, like markfromark said, it's likely he's probably still not over that completely, and might not know what he wants. If I dated someone for a month 4 times and they were popping up on a dating site, I'd give it another month. If he's still doing it, bring it up with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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