Diary of a new relationship

[Jon1973]

Okay, so I thought I would start a journal on here; partly as a means of catharsis and in the hope that some people may be able to relate to it.

 

Sometimes we can feel like we are alone with our experiences and that everyone elses lives/relationships are going great, although in reality I feel that we all have our ups and downs.

 

So here's a little background info on me and my situation. My name's Jon, I live in Somerset, UK and work for a local tea/coffee merchant. In my spare time I write and record music and play in a band. Up until about 3 months ago, I had been single for about a year and then I met a wonderful person via an obscure dating site. I'd been doing the online dating thing for a couple of months and had, in all honesty, given up in despair after a few strange encounters. Then one day, I recieved a notification from a dating site saying that I had recieved a message - I logged in, reluctantly, expecting a "Hi how r u" and read the most amazing email instead! Needless to say, we hit it off almost instantly and after a month of communicating, (long phone calls, texting, etc), we finally decided to meet up. I was 99% sure that this person was very special and am happy to say that we just clicked in 'real life'.

 

I won't go into all the gushy details, as I'm sure you get the picture.

 

I'm sure you're thinking; "So, you have an active life, job, band, music and an amazing partner - so what seems to be the problem?".

 

Well, as of this moment, the problem seems to be me!

 

As most of us can testify, I've had my fair share of ups and downs in relationships and spent/wasted a lot of time on people I wasn't really compatible with, or didn't treat me well. This didn't put me off the notion that one day I would find the right person for me, however and the last three months have been total bliss. And then one day, I decided to mess it up for myself. There is a point to this - cautionary tale/lesson ahead, folks!

 

I hold my hands up here; I snooped. Yep, I did. Not proud of it, but there you go. What started out as an innocent task, which involved testing out my partners new phone (actually second hand with a few teething problems), ended up with me experiencing inner turmoil. I found a message on her phone, via facebook, from one of her male friends, who had sent her a message in the small hours of the morning, informing her that he was "bored and horny". To her credit, she didn't take the bait and merely replied that she had trouble sleeping again. The message thread ended there.

 

So, as you can see - she did nothing wrong. But what's really ticking me off is that he had the disrespect to say that to her, knowing full well that she is in a relationship with me. Do I want to stick an airhose up his *** and blow his eyeballs out? You betcha.

 

I haven't said anything to Tam (that's my lovely lady's name!) and there is no need to - she hasn't done anything wrong. Nevertheless, what I read is now eating away at me and consequently, I'm starting to feel like an insecure emotional ****wit. What I've managed to do is ruin my honeymoon bliss and despite my efforts, the insecurity fairy in whispering all kinds of notions in my ear and putting all kinds of scenarios in my head.

 

Bascially, unless you have absolute good cause and/or heightened suspicions about your significant other, then don't ever, EVER! snoop. In fact, it's best not to snoop at all. It's better to sit down with them and talk about any fears or doubts you have and if you have hard evidence to back up those said fears and doubts, then all the better....? Probably? I dunno, I'm 39 and still learning about this whole relationship thing.

 

I realise that these insecurities stem from previous experiences and that needs to be kicked into order. You shouldn't tar your new partner with the same brush as the old one - it's just not fair. There has to be a foundation of trust to begin, that can be built on - without trust, a relationship is screwed.

 

I'll get over this, I'm sure. Most likely by this time next week, I won't be fretting over it hardly at all. That's my goal anyway. But I rue the day I gave into temptation and opened that message thread. Lesson learned!!

[Jon1973]

Barely three days have passed since I wrote about the snooping incident and I am happy to say that it doesn't bother me anymore. Why? As Bill Hicks once said; "it's a choice between fear and love". When you decide that something isn't going to bother you anymore then it won't. Amazing really, that it is that simple. For me, it can still be hard to let go of something that bothers me so much; I've always been a person to worry a lot. Sensitive...an open nerve, if you will.

 

Quite simply, as it was pointed out and clarified for me in a forum thread, nothing happened. Well, something happened, but no action was taken because of it. So, no reason to react!

 

Since then, our relationship seems to have shifted up a gear. I let go of the fear, worry, what ifs and allowed love to flow through me without interruption. We are becoming more close as each day passes as a result - despite the fact that we live very far apart.

 

The other thing that I've decided won't bother me anymore is my familys attitude towards my partner. They have been very negative about the fact that she is divorced and has a son - conveniently over-looking the fact that I am also divorced and have three kids! Go figure that, if you can. I decided yesterday that it is their problem and not ours and ultimately, they will miss out. Particularly if we decide to start a family someday. So they can go and wallow in their pool of negativity and prejudice...I shan't be diving in.

 

Four days and counting (I'm not including today!) until we see each other again and I simply cannot wait! Last night I went to see Beth Hart and her band at the 02 Academy in Bristol, UK and it was amazing. Although I did have to resist hopping on a late train after the show and going to see my partner, as it's about halfway! That's me though; a hopeless romantic.