The Process of Making a Friend...

[PoliteFallacy]

After several very helpful comments and hours browsing this site, I figured I ought to keep a recording as I go about this friend making business. I will keep the advice I received in mind but I want to go about this my way, as well.

 

Logically.

 

As a rule; I am not an emotionally connected person. Because of it I have never actually 'made a friend'. People have made me their friends (They find me 'likeable' and 'caring') but if they were to suddenly cut off all contact... Well, I wouldn't be bothered by it. More-so, I'd just be indifferent. If they continued contact, fine. If they didn't, that's fine as well.

This entire thing is about getting around 'emotional blocks' and learning to become emotionally invested by giving out information of myself. Not too personal info but what socially dictates as the norm. Ex; Someone tells me their favourite colour and author and I tell them mine (trusting that they won't use it to break into my bank accounts). Ex. of something not to give out; 'I like purple' is not a good answer to 'My mother just died and I don't know what to do!' (I already knew that)

 

Well, anyway, I suppose you could call this thing an experiment. That's really what it is. I won't lie (Because people are against lying at the start of relationships.)

 

Maybe I can get this down to a science as pass it on to others? Who knows...

 

Objective: Engage in an emotionally satisfying (and platonic) friendship.

Tools: I have gathered information on human behaviour, social cues and previous social interactions. A book on the Levels of Friendship, laptop (for notes).

'Ideal' friend: (I'm trying not to be picky) INTP personality, no histrionics, average to high intelligence, good reasoning skills, fascination with books, from England (won't hold my breath), capable of far reaching silences or endless days of chatter, doesn't mind strange sleeping habits or random noises at night, emotionally sound (although some instability is interesting) and not too terribly boring. (They do not have to meet any of the requirements, at all, but they would be nice.)

 

First Step: Fishing

~Go to a popular place frequented by those of your age group.

~The Library

~Work (Though, if things go sour, it might not be best to select someone from your work place)

~School

~Parties? (Possibly dangerous)

~The pool (No- Meeting someone half dressed isn't my ideal way to start a friendship)

~Clubs

~Selected: The Library (Which I am currently at)

~I have made sure that my appearance is moderately pleasant (no need to tart oneself up for the library)

~No headphones (off putting)

~No scowling at stupid books (again, off putting)

~Try not to rearrange things (Why? Because apparently the librarians think it rude. I was just fixing it)

 

I have already engaged in conversation with an average woman named Marissa (Not really her name but I figured that anonymity is best). (Brown hair, brown eyes, 5'6'', around 154 pounds. Likes cats.) We chatted about cats, out mutual dislike of dogs, books and why the library was such a wonderful place to relax. She works in childcare services (I told her that I work in accounting. Give and take, right?) and wants to someday have little progeny of her very own. (I told her that I was indifferent to the idea of children. I like them well enough but I don't feel secure enough financially to have any.) She smokes; heavily enough to leave stains on her nails. (I don't mind smokers, I told her.)

 

All in all she is a great candidate; smart, charming, disarming enough to be pleasing, physically attractive and amiable.

 

Though, she wants a romantic relationship from me. No. I did like her attempts at courting me. She was very subtle, only hinting at wanting to go on a date, and commenting off-handedly that she just got out of a (abusive but no too terribly) relationship. I stopped her before she got ahead and pointed out another patron who'd she have more luck with. She didn't take that well. So, I lied and just told her that I was married. There, done and done with that. (Except that she still slightly pushed, infidelity isn't something I condone.)

 

No one has yet to talk to me. I'll let you know if anyone does and how it goes.

 

[snippet of Convo]

M: Do you like the colour blue? I thinks it's so nice.

Me: Sure. I'm more fond of red.

M: Oh! Such a sensual colour. Are you a sensual person? Because I know that I am.

 

I didn't know how to answer that. So, I just floundered around and she laughed at me. Good response? I suppose.

 

She gave me her phone number. Umm.... I thought that was a sign of wanting an intimate relation not a platonic one? Not sure what to do with it. I am hopeless, I'm afraid, in these situations. I'm already bored and exhausted by this.

[PoliteFallacy]

This is stupid. This whole thing stupid.

 

Why should I care if 'Amy' broke up with 'Brad' for 'Charles'? God, it isn't going to matter later on is it? Get over yourselves! People are dying, killing themselves, starving, actually hurting and you're wrapped up in something as fickle as a tattered relationship? It's pathetic; the way you delude yourself into caring for another person.

 

I'm going home. Maybe I'll feel better about this after some tea and some time away from all the idiots the library attracted. Why I ever thought this was a good idea, I'll never know.

[PoliteFallacy]

-At work-

 

In the break-room with Paul, Roland and Don (all fake names) talking about an American football game. Very hard to follow and I'm honestly not that interested. I admitted to them that I knew little about sports in general and they took to explaining to me every aspect of the game. Touch down, field goals, penalties, yard lines, yellow flags, 1st downs, kicking, receiving, interceptions, fumbles, and the starting line.

 

Then they asked about Britain, London specifically, and I told them of course. They asked me out for drinks this weekend at a local pub to get 'So drunk the uglies look pretty'.

 

Not sure about it but I said yes.