kayem Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Hi, Been with this guy a few months, about 4 months, it's been quite intense and we spend a lot of time together because we seem to get on really well. His friends are amazingly important to him apparently, so I've been making a big effort to meet them, hang out with them, accept their friend requests on facebook, I even arranged for my boyfriend to invite his friends to my house for a barbecue in the recent good weather because I want to get along with his friends and be involved with him and his friends. HOWEVER. This sentiment doesn't seem to be reciprocated by him. He has made absolutely no effort to meet my friends, a very good friend of mine recently gave me a plus one to his wedding and suggested I invite my boyfriend. My boyfriend accepted the invitation and even spoke to me about getting his suit ready for it, but just a few days before he pulled out of the arrangement, saying he forgot he was already going out with his friends that night instead. I haven't met his parents, they don't even seem to be aware that I exist and there are no plans for me to meet them. His parents are going away for a few weeks soon so he says we should go and stay in their house while they are away - I'm not very comfortable with this, would rather be there when his parents are there. He has lots of lads holidays planned and stag dos to places like Ibiza and Las Vegas and spends a lot of time out with his friends. He also let slip recently that sometimes his friends pretend that they are going on a stag do, when actually they collectively lie to all of the girlfriends because actually they just want a lads holiday, but are scared that the girlfriends will get annoyed if they want to go on holiday with the lads, without the girls. I wasn't too bothered about this behaviour until this week when I saw photos of him away with his friends last weekend behaving very badly, doing things like kissing his males friends for a 'joke' which I didn't find at all funny. We have talked about that and it seems ok now. But I am getting worried that maybe he is just a committment phobe or too immature and too engrossed with the lads as I suggested seeing my boyfriend one evening this week but he said no because he would be out with the lads watching football, then he cancelled the plans to come to the wedding in favour of spending time with his friends. I'm worried that these are not one off incidents and that it will become a pattern of behaviour where I am repeatedly dropped in favour of the lads. I am aware that we haven't been together very long and that if I confront him about this behaviour he may get annoyed and in turn want to spend even more time with his friends, but at the same time I want to spot poor behaviour early and nip it in the butt before I get too attached to this man. I've told him that I can understand he wants to see his friends but I would like him to meet my friends properly soon as he has barely met any of them or spent any significant time with me and my friends. He says he wants to meet them but I get the feeling he isn't interested at all and just expects me to slot into his plans with his friends when he feels like it. What should I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikNomis Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 The truth. That while you love him and respect him and his friends, it doesn't sit right with you taking the backseat to his friends every single time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
victorianrose Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 He sounds annoying, I have had this happen before too... Although it was mostly where the guy couldn't even talk to me on the phone or Skype with me without one of his buddies listening in. I would try to fit in as one of the guys, and if that doesn't work and/or sit well with you, I don't see how this is going to work...I broke off the relation with my guy after a month of taking the backseat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayem Posted June 10, 2012 Author Share Posted June 10, 2012 Yes it is annoying taking the backseat as you say. That sounds so annoying not even being able to speak to your boyf without his friends being around! So immature! My guy is in his thirties and most of his friends are happily settled or are settling down so I'm quite surprised that he's still not very mature when it comes to being in a committed relationship. I suppose that I will try to stay calm about it over the next few weeks, but if it becomes clear this is really the way he wants to act and that things aren't going to improve I will have to tell him the truth; that I don't really appreciate the lack of effort he makes with me and my friends while I make a lot of effort for him and his friends, and don't like it at all that I am dropped in favour of the lads. I'm quite embarrassed that my friends are saying things like 'Is he real?' because I've been with him for quite a while now yet hardly anyone has even met him. And now I'm even more embarrassed that I told my friends he was going to be at the wedding, now when he doesn't come it will just annoy me all day if I have to explain to anyone that he chose to go out with his friends instead of be my plus one. It's a shame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 You have only been dating for four months. I get the impression you want more than a lot of people would feel comfortable with at this early stage. I think it's normal that you haven't met his parents. Just because you are making him your world doesn't mean it's something he should be doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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