One Day at a Time

[Kristenelaine]

Today has been alright. I guess. I have shed some tears over a recent ex. Thinking I wont find somoene like him again, or that I will be incapable of trust.

 

When something exciting happens, I miss being able to call him, or being able to invite him somewhere. I tell myself that what I miss is the relationship, not him. But this cant be completely true.

 

There are moments throughout my days now, that I forget about him. I am slowly accepting the mistakes I made and what took place to end something that did have promise. It simply didn't have promise anymore.

 

I question if I should change how I care. If I can change. Or if I should continue to care and invest fully in someone when a relationship occurs? I mean, that's the point of committing to someone isnt it? We weren't together for very long at all!! I think we skipped the "getting to know each other" part and just jumped in because we clicked so well. Oops.

 

I now understand that in order to have a happy and healthy relationship with someone, that my independence is key. That my morals and my needs have to be met by myself and whoever I am with. Once I start second guessing myself...is when I need to walk away. I cant let what I hope something is or will be, cloud what actually exists.

 

I cant wait to reach the point of neutral feelings. No love, no hate, no anger.

 

I am happy I didnt invest a lot of years, or waste more time. I am happy he respected me and did not cheat (from what he told me), instead, he ended things before being with somoene else. He did show me what it could be like to have someone I can talk to and be emotional with. I will forever regret the mistakes I made in what resulted. I know now that some of the things I did must have made him feel unheard, or taken advantage of. He never told me what bothered him until it was too late....so how was I supposed to know?

 

"Regrets and mistakes are memories made." - Adele

 

For now, I am sad. Just have to take one day at a time.