Rhia1978 Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 He dumped me a month back after 4 months of dating. But he still kept contacting & flirting with me - I wasn't sure what was happening. He had asked for time & space to sort his head out. After a week of no contact he emailed me & ended up sending me flirty texts for which he apologised later. I did not encourage it at all. A further 10 days of no contact later, I contacted him - it was purely friendly banter but he soon diverted it towards more intimate conversation & I avoided it. He asked me out for a drink but I couldn't make it. * Next day I was worried cos I'd seen a cyclist skidding & nearly getting run over - it was very rainy that day. Having lost a friend that way I contacted him to find out if he was fine. He coldly told me a while later that he was fine. I was angry that he had kept me waiting & worried. I expressed my displeasure but was measured. * A day later he emailed me but I didn't respond. I've always in the past responded - so this was the first time I'd given him the cold shoulder. 6 days later he emailed me & asked me out for a drink. I again couldn't make it. The following day he tells me he had asked me out to tell me he's 'sort of started seeing someone'. I was measured in my reaction but I was hurt & angry. I told him he has the license to date anyone he wants to & that he shouldn't contact me till he knows what exactly he wants from me. He flew off the handle. I didn't text him back. * Now we have no mutual friends, we aren't on each others Facebook & for sure our paths won't cross. So why tell me this? It's none of my business. And what's this 'sort of'? Why is he so angry? I had not responded to his last email for 6 days - letting him go & starting my recovery - why not just leave it & move on with this new girl? I've refused in the past to remain friends with him & explained one of the reasons is cos I don't want to find out if he's dating someone. Is he trying to make me jealous or hurt me? Thanx in advance & sorry for the long post!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 Is he trying to make me jealous or hurt me? No, what he's doing is keeping you in line to be his backup plan, just in case a better offer doesn't come up. I would keep my self respect intact, and stop participating in his game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhia1978 Posted June 4, 2012 Author Share Posted June 4, 2012 But telling me he's 'sort of seeing someone' will push me away. How can it be a ploy to keep me as a backup plan? There is no way I will be around or communicate with him if he's seeing someone else - surefire way of losing me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 But telling me he's 'sort of seeing someone' will push me away. How can it be a ploy to keep me as a backup plan? There is no way I will be around or communicate with him if he's seeing someone else - surefire way of losing me Think about it, he knows that you are still open to communication, in spite of the fact that he dumped you a month ago. That being said, he's assuming that you'll be there, no matter what he does. Why not send a strong message by showing him that you have your self respect, and refuse to be jerked around in this way? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperDuper Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 He seems pretty immature to me. He was text flirting with you without your encouragement. Then he changed your friendly banter to sexual. Then you couldn't make the date... what happened next? He was cold to you when you contacted him about the cyclist. This then caused YOU to be angry because it took him long and made you worry. So then you were cold, and he waited ~ a week to contact you and ask again. You then rejected him a second time. He was likely PO'd by this (like he was the first time) and therefore when he contacted you the next day he justified his previous drink invitation by telling you he was only setting it up to then tell you he was seeing somebody else? What??? If that was true he probably would have waited for YOU to contact him so he could turn you down. Or he wouldn't have contacted you at all. I think he's immature and didn't get what he wanted when he wanted it so now he's justifying his actions by saying he's actually seeing somebody... :stupid: Just stop questioning his motives and completely stop talking to him. I don't think he's anything but a headache. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhia1978 Posted June 4, 2012 Author Share Posted June 4, 2012 Think about it, he knows that you are still open to communication, in spite of the fact that he dumped you a month ago. That being said, he's assuming that you'll be there, no matter what he does. Why not send a strong message by showing him that you have your self respect, and refuse to be jerked around in this way? Hmmm...you are spot on!! I can tell you I did send a strong message by not responding for 6 days to his earlier email. Also when he told me he's 'sort of seeing someone' I told him he's a serial dater & can keep doing that for the rest of his life. I also said he should not contact me till he knows what exactly he wants from me. He responded angrily & said he's not a serial dater just cos he'd met someone & enjoyed spending his weekends with her. He said that wasn't the reason we broke up - it was cos of 'fighting' & 'drinking'. That is a load of bs!!! Any normal couple fights & I pointed that out to him - we've only had 1 proper tiff. He kept poking me & picking fights - finally one day I cracked - wasn't a bad one either - cleared it up quick - miscommunication over texts. As for drinking - he's moaned & groaned to me about his drinking. He doesn't have a problem but needs to tone it down. Anyway when I told him that he had discussed family & kids with me - which is misleading - that's when he flew off the handle - said 'don't know what the hell you are talking about!! Hence, we didn't work out. Take care'. As I said I didn't respond to this. I was astounded that he's hooked up with someone so quick. As you can see I was very clear & strong in my messages to him - plus the 6 days of no response. How else can I send a stronger MSG? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 How else can I send a stronger MSG? By not responding, period! Keep in mind that silence carries the loudest voice. Either way, since he made the choice to walk out of your life, you need to re-evaluate what it is that you're truly losing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhia1978 Posted June 4, 2012 Author Share Posted June 4, 2012 By not responding, period! Keep in mind that silence carries the loudest voice. Either way, since he made the choice to walk out of your life, you need to re-evaluate what it is that you're truly losing. And that's what I am doing - no contact. I had opened a profile on an online dating site last week & have a very busy social life - lots of hobbies - am keeping myself busy. As much as I love him (haven't told him that though he's said it when drunk a few times) I won't accept such juvenile games. If he wants me he can work hard & get me. I've clearly stated my boundaries - no friendship & though I did respond to his contacts it was done in a purely 'friendly' tone. My friend told me y'day that he hates me cos he's still attracted to me - possibly feels quite deeply & doesn't like that. Oh well - his Waterloo!! He's told me when we were together that he's the luckiest man to have a great catch like me - if he believes that truly - show it in actions why I should take him back. These tricks & mind games are spoiling my impression of him & am losing respect!! I think he might be insecure - thinking I've got someone else - but that's no reason to mess around!! If he needs to know - come out & ask - 'am sort of seeing someone' won't work!! Thanx for listening - I appreciate your candor & help!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhia1978 Posted June 4, 2012 Author Share Posted June 4, 2012 I agree he's being a child - immature indeed!! But I'd like to clarify something here - I texted him by mistake the night before he told me he was 'sort of' seeing someone. The text was for a friend but I sent it to him by mistake. In the text I said 'hey babe am on my way back - will be home by 9:30ish'. Next morning I was wondering why my friend hadn't responded - checking my mobile I realised. I texted him & said 'wrong text to wrong person. Sorry'. He answered & said 'no problem had realised it wasn't meant for me'. Now this was very early - 8am Saturday morning. From the times we have spent together I know he doesn't like waking up before 10ish on a Saturday - he doesn't answer calls or texts. So I was surprised he was awake. I replied 'your awake early. Yes I was wondering why my friend hadn't responded - cos I sent the text to you instead. Sorry I cudn't make it y'day. Hope you had a good one'. This is when he said 'I was hoping to have a quick chat with you to tell you I've sort of started seeing someone - didn't know how to approach it'. So do you stick by your views - or does this change your view of what he's upto? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhia1978 Posted June 6, 2012 Author Share Posted June 6, 2012 Update folks - he's just sent me a friendship request on facebook - hmmm - very odd!! I haven't accepted it but will tomorrow. He can see how well am doing. Any communication from now will have to be initiated by him!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Habibi Posted June 6, 2012 Share Posted June 6, 2012 i think he seeing someone text was a bluff,i dont buy it,not a bit.this whole business fired back at him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhia1978 Posted June 6, 2012 Author Share Posted June 6, 2012 i think he seeing someone text was a bluff,i dont buy it,not a bit.this whole business fired back at him. Yes for sure it has backfired!! After the initial shock, anger & hurt I was able to see through the stupid trick!! Of course posting here & friends made it clearer for me. Still there was a nighling doubt. Even if he is 'sort of' seeing someone, he is obviously going through a tug of war within himself about me. If only he knew what I am going through. My friends strongly believe he was trying to make me jealous - maybe grovel, beg & plead with him - hasn't happened. He had deleted me from Facebook after breaking up with me. I had been posting some sad observations prior to the breakup - he would 'like' them to show his displeasure since he's a private person. Once he told me, I had stopped. Then he mistook one of my status updates the day after the breakup to be about him & though I'd clarified, he still deleted me. Later he'd told me it was because his home page was getting clogged with my updates - that's a load of bs - I would somedays have 2/3 and on most others none. He also said his friends could see those updates he liked & which, according to him, were painting him in black. Still very drastic of him to delete me. Now this friendship request. Why is he fighting so hard against a good thing? When we were together he'd told me that for the 1st 3 months he'd been fighting his feelings for me & finally gave in after those 3 months. He's told me he's scared this is it! So what! Anyway that jealousy trick was never going to work & never does. I wonder why ppl still use it - can backfire really bad & drive the person into the arms of another - so the person using the jealousy card loses big time! In this case by sending me this friendship request, he is salvaging the situation. I had already been asked out & I've said yes. So he better move fast or I might have to tell him one day that am seeing someone else! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted June 6, 2012 Share Posted June 6, 2012 Are you sure that you want to be his "friend?" Does it really matter if he sees how well you're doing? He dumped you, remember? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhia1978 Posted June 6, 2012 Author Share Posted June 6, 2012 Are you sure that you want to be his "friend?" Does it really matter if he sees how well you're doing? He dumped you, remember? Unfortunately I've just accepted his request. Yes you are right - he's my ex & he dumped me. But I have this strong belief in us that I haven't been able to shake off. Besides during the time we were together I had seen how slow he is at making decisions & how conflicted he is about his life at the moment. When drunk his vulnerability comes out & that's how I know - cos otherwise when sober he pushes it all down to put up this facade of invincibility. I am probably the only one he has shown the insecurities to. It's like he's going through an early mid life crisis. This is why I feel there's still hope for us cos once this phase is past, we'll be fine. Now I might be very wrong - but if I don't risk it, will I ever know? I know at the end of the day am strong enough to survive - yes if I approved wrong, it'll hurt like hell but relationships & human beings are all different - so who knows - my fairytale might have been destined to start this way? I am a hopeless romantic & optimist - and naive- so pls forgive me for believing & having faith. No rose colored glasses here - just a love for someone I can visualize myself growing old with. After all he is trying - messing up yes - but trying - so why shut him out? Am merely going to observe what he does. I've been given 2nd chances - if he wants one & presents a formidable reason & shows it to me in actions, why not? It's only Facebook right now - trust me he won't find out much anyway since an not that frequent there!! I know the reason he's done this - I have been I advertantly mysterious - so he's had no insight into my life - however facebook will give him a little bit more - but nothing much lol!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted June 7, 2012 Share Posted June 7, 2012 I hope this works in your favor, Rhia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhia1978 Posted June 7, 2012 Author Share Posted June 7, 2012 I hope this works in your favor, Rhia. Thanx heaps!! I really do want this to work out so badly - I have never been able to see myself growing old with any man in my past. The amount of things we have in common ate ridiculous!! And we've - or rather he's - discussed kids & family & retirement - so we can make this happen. He just needs to stop freaking out on me!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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