My Ex Wants Me Back

[robyrne]

my ex broke up with me, we'd just moved in together. she said she was confused and had feelings for this other guy. So, although I tried to work it out, she said she had to move out. I asked her to tell me if she though at some point she would be able to work it out with me. She said she could not tell me that. SO I told her, I can't wait indefinitely for you to give me an answer, So, I started seeing other people and now after about 5 months broken up, I met a girl who loves me and who I am falling in love with too. Problem is now, my ex is back, saying she made the biggest mistake of her life. I've already gotten to a point where it would hurt both of us immensely if I were to break up with my new girl. I still have some pretty serious feelings for my ex. What should I do??

[JohnnyTable]

I would seriously consider sticking to the new girl. Your ex left you in the past for somebody else, what prevents her from doing that again?

 

How long were you in NC for?

[Scout]

First, I have to say that I gave a little cheer when I read your post. I'm sorry, but for your ex to break up with you over another guy, then come back when it didn't work out - well, what went around came right back to her, didn't it?

 

Basically, the situation you're in now is that your ex is asking you to do the same thing to someone else that she did to you. Try and remember how much pain and distress it caused you when she left you for someone else. Now imagine your new girl going through that pain because you leave her for your ex.

 

Please don't do it. Your ex may indeed have made the biggest mistake of her life - now she needs to learn there are consequences to hurting people. If you take her back, she'll never learn. And she'll probably do it again. You know the old saying..."Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me...."

[vano]

I agree with scout and johnny. Hypothetically, If I leave my boyfriend over someone else, that won't necessarily make me a bad person, because it was how I felt. But if I later changed my mind, I don't think I would count on my ex taking me back. Why should he? If I wasn't into him enough to stay, then I shouldn't be with him anymore period. Getting back together whould only benefit me, not him or his new g/f. In fact, when I met my current boyfriend, his ex wanted to get back with him a few months into our relationship and I flipped out. Thankfully, he cut the contact with her (she had cheated on him). I think that the people who cheat do it to gain control over the other person, just like a powertrip. Its liek seeing how far the other will go to be with you. how much pain they can endure. And then when people like that wanna get back together, its only to test if there power's still there.

THe bottom line, don't let her hurt you twice...

[Elliesonline]

Vano-

You're so wise.

 

 

robyrne-

I agree with everyone else. Now that you know what your ex is capable of, don't let it happen again. It's tough to decide to let someone from your past back into your life, but this should be an easy decision, considering she left you for someone else. She obviously doesn't want you to be happy.

[Mix Maxster]

Actually I would take everything that people have been saying and TELL that to her. Instead of just ignoring it, confront it and basically be expecting her to chicken out or put up a front. Seriously if you are in love with the new girl, I would tell that to your ex and tell her that things happened and that you moved on for your reasons.

[kipster]

Actually I would take everything that people have been saying and TELL that to her. Instead of just ignoring it, confront it and basically be expecting her to chicken out or put up a front. Seriously if you are in love with the new girl, I would tell that to your ex and tell her that things happened and that you moved on for your reasons.

 

I don't fully agree with that MM, on one count. Although I think what your saying is noble, i.e., to TELL the EX the deal, I think that she violated her 'right to disclosure' when she left. I wouldn't 'Tell' her anything, I would just continue on with the new woman and let the ex either figure it out, in the same vain as the dumpee usually has to, or I'd be civil with her but not particularly explicit as to what was going on with me. But to let someone waltz in and out of your life just seems reckless to me. Your heart is something that you must protect and if the EX really wants you, she'll stick around and make a run at you the way I'm sure you did when she broke your heart. If not, then it was a game anyway and you still have the best prize of all, a new woman that see's the value in you, something that wouldn't hurt me to have as we speak. But anyways, I'm not saying be vindictive to the EX, I'm just saying stick with the known and see where it goes. That's what your EX did so why are you not entitled to do the same. If it doesn't work out and the ex is still around, then you can give it another go on equal footing. But to throw away a girl that your interested in for the sake for virtually nothing, knowing how many horror stories are hear of being hurt again by an EX, would be shortsighted at best. Especially if the EX has just finished with this new guy. You may end up being a your own rebound to the previous rebound after you?

 

Kip

[cassiana]

If you have strong feelings for your current girlfriend then stick with her. Even from where I am she has one very attractive trait over your ex, she never dumped you. An ex may dump again especially if she knows she has such power over you that you will leave your current girlfriend for her.

[Elliesonline]

kipster-

 

I think that she violated her 'right to disclosure' when she left. I wouldn't 'Tell' her anything, I would just continue on with the new woman and let the ex either figure it out, in the same vain as the dumpee usually has to, or I'd be civil with her but not particularly explicit as to what was going on with me.

 

Kipster definitely has a point. The ex doesn't deserve validation, however, you must keep in mind that the wiring in a man's head is different from the wiring in a woman's head.

 

When you ignore a man, he takes that as disinterest. He will understand that there is nothing left to build on, and he will go on with his life.

 

When you ignore a woman (in all defense, not all women think alike), she'll think you were too busy to answer her and keep right on bothering you. She'll take the nonresponse and conjure some crazy scheme in her head to get you back into her life. It's disgusting the way a dysfunctional woman's mind works sometimes.

 

Your ex sounds like she's out to break your heart, only because she knows that she has the power to do so. I say, be explicit with her, and tell her that you have met someone else. Hopefully, she'll stop bothering you from then on.

[Mix Maxster]

If it makes a difference and it probably won't,

I just meant that he should tell his ex that if she is really as serious as she says she is about it, then she will go out of her way to prove it. If she doesn't make the attempt then I'm betting he could just laugh at it because he has a new woman and his life was great without his ex before she came back.

 

In other words, what's in it for him that will make him come back.