gilmond Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 I won't go into much detail about this but I really need some help here. My girlfriend and I have been dating for the past year and half and it's been amazing and fun except the last like 4 months. She moved in with me and started a new life with me back in Janurary. I know she sacrificed many things to be with me her friends and parents to live with me in my state but she also has family here. For a while I felt she couldn't be trusted and that she was doing things behind my back. I basically betrayed her trust and read her diary. I needed to know what was going on and I confronted her about it and then she has never been the same. She says she loves me but has been forcing herself to find the love she once had for me. I have been trying to be the sweet, fun, gentle loving man she fell in love with but so far she says it's not working. I told her that she is trying to hard to fall back in love with me and that it needs to happen naturally but she doesn't know what to do. I asked her if she wanted to move out or be away from me because I really want her to be happy and I feel like she is miserable. I really need help on knowing how to fix her because I love her more then anything. She also says she wants more friends here and I don't know how to help her with that. I told her we could go to the bar or do some other things but I don't really know. Help me please because she means the world to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EricaNicole Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but it doesn't sound like she's that into you. You know how you'll hear people tell you not to get married before you've lived with someone? This is why. Sometimes people move in together and realize they aren't as in love as they thought they were or there's qualities about each other that drive them crazy that were hidden behind separate living arrangements. She's probably depressed about being so far from everything she knew before moving and that's taking a toll on her. Either that or she wants to break up and doesn't know how to tell you. May I ask what you read in her diary that you felt the need to confront her about? Knowing might help me get a clearer grasp on the situation. You sound genuine, so I'm not going to jump on you for reading her diary, assuming you did it with good intentions and not to snoop because you don't trust her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gilmond Posted June 3, 2012 Author Share Posted June 3, 2012 Yeah I kind of had a feeling she isn't to me as much as she used to be. I asked her about it and she says she wants more friends and stuff and I work alot of hours. I try to be a good boyfriend and take her out on weekends and buy her nice things and be sweet and passionate but it's rough. I read that she wasn't unsure with life anymore about me and how she had dreams of being with other men and going to different countries. That is what I confronted her about. I haven't had a good stride with relationships but I really love her with all my heart and I want to keep her by my side and make her happy but I don't know how to do it. She says she doesn't trust me at all anymore for reading her diary and she says she really just doesn't feel the same anymore. I don't know if it's a lost cause or what but I am trying my hardest. I have been giving her space and haven't been asking anything from her we just cuddle at night. I am making alot of plans to do fun things this summer so I am hoping that will work but I really don't know. We have been living together for the past 4 months and she does say it's like she doesn't know me at all. I guess I don't know what else to really say but I really do want to keep her in my life she is a wonderful and passionate woman who I adore but sometimes I think it would be better off if we were apart but that's not what I want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaibutsu Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 Depending on how forgiving she is, it may be a lost cause now. I understand why you did it, but the problem was confronting her about it rather than using that knowledge for your own decisions. She may hold that over your head for the rest of your relationship...i know my wife would do that to me...and to be honest, dealing with someone that refuses to trust you is an amazing amount of work. Good luck with what happens. I don't envy your position at all. It's not a fun place to be in a relationship. My ex wife was cheating on me and I found out from the person she was cheating with...we tried to make it work after that but I always had a tough time trusting her after that. So different situation of course, but still a trust issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EricaNicole Posted June 7, 2012 Share Posted June 7, 2012 I'm sure you already know this, but trust is the single most important factor in any relationship. If you don't have trust, you have nothing. kaibutsu is right about it being a mistake that you told her you read her diary. Even if your intentions were honorable, it doesn't seem that way to her. No matter your intent, she sees it as you snooping and not trusting her. Maybe she is trying to force herself to be in love with you, but, unfortunately, that kind of thing can't be forced. It's obvious that you really care for her, but you have to consider that maybe the relationship is broken beyond repair. I'm all about telling people to work through problems and not give up until you've tried everything, but that takes A LOT of effort from both parties and a world of mutual trust. Maybe the two of you should take a break and see what happens. I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation. I know it's not a fun thing to deal with. I wish you luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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