3 Tips for Guys on How to Keep Relationship/Marriage Exciting

[Double J]

I've been with my fiancee for more than 7 years now. Even though we have a relationship that some couples could only dream of, I'm of the belief that you can always find ways to make the relationship better.

 

And so I set out to make a few changes in hopes of getting more sparks to fly. On average, we've always had sex 0-2 times per week. I wasn't satisfied and felt after 7 years we should be averaging 2-3 sessions each week. I began implementing these changes two weeks ago and have seen immediate results: We've made love 3 times each week. On top of that, my fiancee has been showering me with far more affection and compliments.

 

So for those of you in relationships/marriages that could use a little boost, here are a few tips that worked for me. Ladies: Feel free to chime in and provide feedback.

 

1. Don't see each other every day. Up until two weeks ago, my fiancee and I saw each other every day. (We don't live together, but she spends the night a couple of times each week.) Not only would this give us less to talk about at the end of the day, but spending so much time together was leading to frequent and intense arguments. Guys, it's imperative that you give your lady time to miss you! Don't call her 7 times a day. Don't smother her. Don't always be available. She needs to see that you have a social life outside of your relationship. She might give you a hard time if, say, you tell her you want to hang out with a buddy rather than accompany her to the mall. But in the end she'll respect the fact that you value time spent with others. Of course, this should be done in moderation. Blowing her off each and every time she wants to do something is not recommended. Also, I realize that not seeing each other every day isn't as easy to do for couples with children. In such cases, you need to compromise with your spouse. For example, you tell your wife that you'd like to play basketball with your buddies this Saturday while she takes care of the kids. Next Saturday, however, you'll stay home with the little ones while she goes shopping with her mom.

 

2. Be romantic/nice, but also be bold, confident and unpredictable. Some say nice guys finish last. Others say that showering your lady with gifts and compliments is the way to go. My opinion: Women want a little bit of everything; women want you to be unpredictable. Notice I said "a little bit." Being nice and romantic is great, but do it too much and it becomes routine. The same applies to buying her gifts and taking her to the same places. As human beings, we appreciate that which we have to work harder for. If your girlfriend secretly wishes that you buy her flowers or take her to her favorite restaurant, she might feel more compelled to act in ways that might attract such behavior (e.g. she cooks for you, gives you a massage, etc.) However, if you're doing those things all the time, what incentive does she have to do the little stuff for you?

 

I've begun to be more unpredictable in my own relationship by taking my fiancee to different places. It was always the norm for us to stay home on Sundays -- we called it our "relax" day -- but it became so routine that I felt our sex life was suffering as a result. Simply taking her to a popular restaurant or other hot spot she's never been to before increases your chances of "getting some" by a lot -- at least it has for me. For women, it's all about setting the right mood, and foreplay begins long before you set foot in the bedroom. I've also experimented with new things in bed (e.g. racheting up the dirty talk, new positions, etc.), which has paid off handsomely.

 

The funny thing is that my fiancee is the "girl next door" type. You would think that girls who are more shy/reserved would scoff at the notion of having a man who is confident, bold, and unpredictable. Judging from how my fiancee has reacted to these changes, however, I beg to differ. I am nice to my girlfriend and treat her with the utmost respect. However, I'm not afraid to stand up for myself and disagree with her when it's warranted.

 

I think girls like for you to bust their chops once in a while and keep them on their toes. I grabbed my fiancee's tush in public for the first time this afternoon. She gasped, but later admitted she liked because the move came as a complete surprise. Though they might deny it, girls want guys to take charge and go for what they want.

 

In summation, be unpredictable. As the saying goes, "variety is the spice of life." Be nice. Be romantic. Be a bit of a jerk sometimes. Make her laugh. Show backbone. Don't be a pushover. Call her out on her mistakes. Stand up to her if you feel she's wrong. Treat her with respect. It's always more fun when she doesn't know which version of you she'll be getting.

 

3. There's nothing wrong with a good argument every once in a while. As I said earlier, my girlfriend and I were seeing each other way too much, which was leading to lots of fighting. Too much of something is bad, whether it's non-stop arguing or throwing a barrage of compliments her way. However, I think the occasional argument is healthy in any relationship. It shows that you have backbone and will not let her get away with everything. And, let's face it guys: Women LOVE drama. That's why you find so many of them engrossed in soap operas and romance novels. Our fights could get pretty nasty -- to the point where we won't speak to one another for a few hours. But once we make up, the hormones are raging and it leads to some amazing make-up sex.

 

I think arguments ultimately lead you to appreciate your partner more, as do creating space in the relationship and giving your wife or girlfriend gifts when she least expects it. It's all about being unpredictable and keeping the relationship exciting.

 

I think the above tips can help the attraction going in many a relationship. Please note that they're by no means foolproof and are simply things I've done to make my own relationship even better.

 

Looking forward to feedback from both the guys and the ladies. Have you already put any of these strategies into practice in the past? Have they worked?

[The_Seeker]

1.) You got to be joking about that. You do end up seeing the person everyday during marriage when you have kids or whatever.

 

2.) Too many game playing and manipulation. You're following the rules set by someone else instead what works for you. You're going to lose that person who trust you completely if you did that. Unless the girl likes it.

 

3.) You're generalizing the female population. Some women likes it some don't. If you argue about sports, go for it. But something really superficial, lame.

 

tHAT'S MY OPINION.

[pinkelephant]

I agree with that list, except instead of not seeing each other everyday, I would replace it with give each other space as needed. I think that's really important and we don't realize it a lot of the time.

[The_Seeker]

I agree with that list, except instead of not seeing each other everyday, I would replace it with give each other space as needed. I think that's really important and we don't realize it a lot of the time.

 

Now that makes sense.

[DrKitten]

1.) You got to be joking about that. You do end up seeing the person everyday during marriage when you have kids or whatever.

 

2.) Too many game playing and manipulation. You're following the rules set by someone else instead what works for you. You're going to lose that person who trust you completely if you did that. Unless the girl likes it.

 

3.) You're generalizing the female population. Some women likes it some don't. If you argue about sports, go for it. But something really superficial, lame.

 

tHAT'S MY OPINION.

 

I'm inclined to agree with The_Seeker. There are too many generalizations here. No set of rules/dynamics is going to work for every relationship.

[The_Seeker]

I'm inclined to agree with The_Seeker. There are too many generalizations here. No set of rules/dynamics is going to work for every relationship.

 

Holy cow I realize I had my caps on. I should of warn my glasses while typing. LOL

[lalalollipops]

I agree with the list. Props to keeping your relationship strong

I think the 3rd point is more about expressing and communicating any frustrations instead of holding things in. Couples that have occasonal fights are more healthy than the happy happy ones that NEVER fight cos you would be more likely to argue if you felt more emotionally close and comfortable around them, if you're holding yourself back, all this will boil over eventually and there will usually be a huge fight that ends things.

[The_Seeker]

I agree with the list. Props to keeping your relationship strong

I think the 3rd point is more about expressing and communicating any frustrations instead of holding things in. Couples that have occasonal fights are more healthy than the happy happy ones that NEVER fight cos you would be more likely to argue if you felt more emotionally close and comfortable around them, if you're holding yourself back, all this will boil over eventually and there will usually be a huge fight that ends things.

 

As long it's not made up.

 

Then that's fine.

 

It's made up. Not cool.

 

For example, if a guy goes "Oh the other day I met with my ex and I took her out for dinner." to his girlfriend, when actually he didn't. That's what I interpreted the 3rd point to be about. Every once in a while if it's real but if's pushing someone's button. That's a different story.

[lalalollipops]

I think he's just saying some fights are good for the relationship. Don't think he's suggesting lying? I dunno. Fighting is pretty normal, just not like everyday.

[The_Seeker]

I think he's just saying some fights are good for the relationship. Don't think he's suggesting lying? I dunno. Fighting is pretty normal, just not like everyday.

 

Most people regardless of gender try to push each other buttons to see who cares more about who. That's unhealthy and manipulative. It's like "The one who cares the last about the relationship, gains the power" or whatever it was.

 

Hence I don't agree with the list.

 

If it's real fight, then fight and get it out.

 

If it's a stupid fight that actually didn't happen, that's not cool.

[Tom1990]

I think the second point can be better described as "Surprise her." People like surprises.

[lalalollipops]

^ yeah I was pushed alot in the past too. Like make a fight out of nothing is just so tiring. I don't get why some people get off on fights. Some people need constant daily drama. Eff it's soooo draining.

[The_Seeker]

I think the second point can be better described as "Surprise her." People like surprises.

 

Hahaha! Jack in the box!

[The_Seeker]

^ yeah I was pushed alot in the past too. Like make a fight out of nothing is just so tiring. I don't get why some people get off on fights. Some people need constant daily drama. Eff it's soooo draining.

 

Hence why I disagree with the list since it's generalizing.

[lalalollipops]

^ Yeah but there's a diff btwn some fights and purposely starting a fight daily over sth trivial?

[The_Seeker]

^ Yeah but there's a diff btwn some fights and purposely starting a fight daily over sth trivial?

 

Every once in a while I interpreted if you didn't argue for 3 months, you pull something superficial just to see if she still cares.

 

Seems like a game to me. LOL

 

You know what OP, I'm going to take your list and try it on a random guy and see how he responds.

[lalalollipops]

^ haha you gonna be a game player huh?

[The_Seeker]

^ haha you gonna be a game player huh?

 

Absolutely!

 

Only on Battleship! ;]

[lalalollipops]

I always wanted to try the whole hot and cold behaviour, just to see how guys react. Cos it happened with me, and I felt soo uneasy and horrible when they go MIA. Your ex is totally lame to just not respond to your messages. Did you ultimately get a response from him?

[The_Seeker]

I always wanted to try the whole hot and cold behaviour, just to see how guys react. Cos it happened with me, and I felt soo uneasy and horrible when they go MIA. Your ex is totally lame to just not respond to your messages. Did you ultimately get a response from him?

 

Nope.

 

;] All my bad exes made me wanna go bad. So welcome to my dark side. Ha ha ha! I feel like batman. But if you read how I treated my exes you would have thought I played the Romeo role very well. LOL

 

But anyway, no i haven't. But it's okay, I can't wait to he gets a real wakeup call. I really want that Christmas Gift back though. Oh if only I was a ninja.

 

I've been flirting with other guys, it's all good!

[lalalollipops]

Nope.

 

;] All my bad exes made me wanna go bad. So welcome to my dark side. Ha ha ha! I feel like batman. But if you read how I treated my exes you would have thought I played the Romeo role very well. LOL

 

But anyway, no i haven't. But it's okay, I can't wait to he gets a real wakeup call. I really want that Christmas Gift back though. Oh if only I was a ninja.

 

I've been flirting with other guys, it's all good!

 

What a jerk, he's 33, dated you for half a year and doesn't even have the guts to reply to your message? Not even brave enough to respond or give you a half assed excuse? I bet a tiny part of you IS sad, I mean you dated him for a half a year so there's gotta be some feelings. Too bad he obviously didn't deserve any of it.

[The_Seeker]

What a jerk, he's 33, dated you for half a year and doesn't even have the guts to reply to your message? Not even brave enough to respond or give you a half assed excuse? I bet a tiny part of you IS sad, I mean you dated him for a half a year so there's gotta be some feelings. Too bad he obviously didn't deserve any of it.

 

Of course, we had emotional intimacy that I like in the beginning.

 

Oh well. LOL What else can I do?

[Double J]

Thanks for the responses!

 

You guys have raised some valid points.

 

1. I recognize that my tips won't work in every single relationship. That's why I noted they are not foolproof. You obviously have to account for variable factors such as the personalities of each person involved. Where one person might feel smothered by having his or her partner calling 5 times a day, another might welcome the clinginess. Also, not everyone has the same sex drive. Seeing your partner less or having a small spat with him from time to time will probably do little for you if your libido has hit rock bottom. However, I feel that some -- if not all -- of the tips can generally benefit the "attraction/intimacy factor" in a relationship.

 

2. I don't condone starting an argument solely for the purpose of getting some. But if a guy senses a heated discussion with his girlfriend descending into bickering, he should not simply back off or apologize. A guy should stand up for himself in a respectful manner. He can do it without getting nasty. Again, girls value guys who exude self-confidence.

 

The_Seeker: The post was mostly aimed at guys who want to improve their relationships, but I don't see why they couldn't help women who tried it on us

[The_Seeker]

I accept the challenge, Mr.Double J. ;]

 

I'm going to use it on men on POF. LOL Since one struck me out as a potential player.