Talking to your ex

[Streetbob]

wow.

 

So many similarities.

 

yes. Just a year ago, my ex told a mutual friend that i was the love of her life and her soul mate. Turns out I wasn't really. That is hard to take....because I believed it.

I never said something like that but I actually felt it.

 

Going back to the original subject of this thread: I tried to open some light dialogue and she was talking to me as though we had never been apart and saying things like "I'll always be there for you"....... It's just a little harder to believe these days.

 

Friendzone is not an option for me if I am realistic although I hope it can be sometime in the future.

[Mizz]

My ex told everyone how much he loved me, his friends, his family. He'd talk about me often. He'd tell me how we were "meant to be together" and "we're just such a great couple!". One time I was sad for my cousin and her bf because my cousin just decided to break up with her bf and it made me a little sad cause I knew before how heartbreak felt, so I could sympathize with my cousin's bf and my ex even specifically told me he'd never break my heart. HAH, well look what happened anyway... In general he would say the mushiest things to me, say/show how much he loved me often, used all these pet names. The day before we broke up he was texting me telling me he was telling his family that he hadn't seen in a couple years how "I was just telling everyone how sweet and beautiful you are

 

I know what you mean about light dialogue. My ex would talk to me and we'd have random/funny conversations and joke/be happy as if nothing happened. Any time we've talked since we still enjoy talking, still joke around each other and laugh/smile and he'll do things to show he cares like the 2 times I've seen him since he's gotten me food, still has all my things that I gave him from when we dated, asks me if I'm having a good time if we go somewhere, It's like that bond (we haven't had sex or kissed or anything close though since we broke up) nothing has changed except the commitment of being bf/gf... as he puts it we're like "best friends"... it's like he still would want me apart of his life, just for whatever reason and whatever is going on in his mind he just doesn't want a relationship with me, or anyone else right now.

[Streetbob]

I guess we really never know our partners.

 

Maybe we just fool ourselves into thinking we do. I was interested in this thread because ultimately want to be in her life and vice versa - on some level.

It's just not right at this time.

 

I guess years ago We would work through these blips in life and eventually end up back on track....these days, sadly, relationships are disposable.

I understand your frustration and hurt because I am feeling the same emotions.

 

Keep the faith Mizz - you never know, these might yet be a twist in the tale

 

SB

[Mizz]

Well we loved them so what they say we'd like to believe, it comes to trust too. We were with them so we trusted them with our hearts and the words they said.

 

I wish you the best SB, you know what's best for you and I hope it all works out as you wish! You deserve to be happy.

 

Thanks SB! I'll stay strong, it doesn't seem promising at this point with him, but for now I just have to focus on myself.

[the dude91]

I seem to come and go from this thread a bit...

 

Honestly Mizz NC is the best option at this point like others said, being "just friends" never works, especially this soon. I honestly don't like his excuse either of feeling "overwhelmed". College, a job and moving is definitely not that overwhelming especially if there's nothing else really going on in his life, family related or otherwise. Go NC and make him miss you but don't wait up for him, move on. They say it's the moment when you move on that they want you back.

 

As for me... well I'm starting to get to the point of giving up... I just can't get her to see just how toxic the last guy is and it's really doing a number on me... we had our first real in person argument the other night, about how much pain she's going through losing her "best friend" and how I don't understand that pain... then I had to remind her about losing my brother who was also my best friend to a rare heart disease just last year... then she admitted to me that not an hour goes by that she doesn't think about him, and she's still in contact with him... even had the nerve to ask me if I was okay with her going to see him yesterday, of course I said no I don't want her to...

 

Now she says things like she worries he's going to do something stupid, like looking for excuses to contact him or get me okay with her going to see him... I'm at a big loss and ready to just call it quits, never thought I'd hear myself say that one...

[Donovan79]

Also keep in mind that actions and words are not the same thing. I've broken up with a few girls, and the default line I always go to is "there's too much going on in my life, I feel too much pressure, I just need some time for me, but wow you're so great". What this means is: "I don't feel like telling you the real reason but I care about you a lot so I'm going to say whatever I can that I think will make it easiest for you." Guys just usually don't have the heart to say to a girl: "The real reason I'm breaking up with you is because I can't seem to get over my crush on Girl B and want that to work out", or "the real reason is because you're so available every minute of the day that I got bored". Also, by not telling the real reasons, a guy knows he leaves the door open far wider should he ever decide later on to try to walk back through it.

 

Cut him out. You're awesome. He's unworthy. Move on.

[Streetbob]

"The real reason I'm breaking up with you is because I can't seem to get over my crush on Girl B and want that to work out", or "the real reason is because you're so available every minute of the day that I got bored". Also, by not telling the real reasons, a guy knows he leaves the door open far wider should he ever decide later on to try to walk back through it.

 

 

Chris:

This is definitely true. I think the dumper, male or female, still has enough respect for the dumpee not to put them through anymore pain than necessary....But is it really being kind not to tell the truth? I'm not sure.

I think there are hidden reasons why dumpers dump usually and think it is very rarely for the reason they state....How depressing!!

 

SB

[Mizz]

I’m so sorry TD91, I imagine that is very stressful seeing as it was looking promising and now it’s seemingly slipping back a bit. It can be tough, but you have to consider what makes you happy. You’ve put so much into this care so much and she’s still talking about this guy that’s just all wrong for her. It’s just stress in your life to always be worrying if she’s secretly seeing him or talking to him or if he’d find a way to communicate with her or vice versa. I’d suggest therapy, perhaps, but that’d be like the last shot IMO.

 

 

I don't think he'd ever actually tell me. He seriously never did talk to other girls though, and isn't now either. Apart of me thinks he was getting bored or how that week was kind of stressful and maybe like a breaking point (cause I wasn't as happy like that whole month) but seriously nothing we hadn't worked through before or could have, all relationships have ups and downs. The week before we broke up he’d say things like “it’s good to switch things up” and it was just really random.

 

The week before the break up seemed especially odd though he was still being sweet. I asked him before why he was so "nice" if he was having doubts, I also asked why didn't he tell me when he first questioned everything, why he lead me to think it was ok, I told him the way he went about breaking up was just awful and cruel. I think I described it like being punched in the stomach and having my heart ripped out stomped on and then thrown into the trash. All he said was "I'm sorry." and then went on about "I didn't want to hurt you. I had never been in a relationship like that before I didn't know how to really handle it" I remember just saying "well it's too late for that, it hurt either way and if anything that was worse".

 

I honestly don’t believe he’s that overwhelmed. He tells me he’s overwhelmed but to anyone else he’ll say and is apparently excited to graduate and to have a job this summer. College this year is going to be SO easy for him, 3 days a week getting home at 2pm every day, off on weekends and also off 2 week days? That’s a BREEZE. I wish my schedule was that easy. I have 8am-4pm classes every day, have to wake up at 5am just to get there in time/commute, and will get home around 5-6pm. It’s not easy,I’m a graphic design major so it’s intense studio hours along with the other basic education requirements (like math, science) that I need to take. if anything my life would be overwhelmed and yet I still had maintained a relationship with him.

 

I feel like it’s not even worth it to try anymore to even talk to him. I haven’t since we last saw each other and I won’t. It’s just discouraging because seeing him and talking to him obviously does nothing but keep me around as a “best friend”. He can’t appreciate me not being there and hasn’t completely seen what it’s like with out me. Sure in a few days if he sends me things when we don’t talk he might think about me or miss me a little, but that’s not enough time. It had been over a month when I first saw him again and that day I first saw him again after everything that happened, he seemed so interested in me couldn’t stop looking at me, was happy/smiling/kind of nervous at times. I saw him Friday and he was still happy, still smiling, though seemingly not as interested.

 

That night I last saw him I was just frustrated. It wasn’t like completely awful but I was bored with him at his friend Cody’s house because he’d talk to me a couple times but then for the most part just talk to his friend. I was pretty quiet the whole night. Anything he said to his friend to start a conversation he had already said to me about like 8 times before so I didn’t have much input since I was already familiar with what he’d talk about.

 

I remember before we even went to meet up that day, the night before I told him “text me tomorrow and we can figure out when to meet up

 

and he told me “sure thing Jackie but I have to cut my grandma’s grass before that so I won’t be able to right away”

 

1pm rolls around the next day and I think “ok, he’ll message me at some point if he wants to see me” 2pm rolls around and I am getting unsure, 3pm rolls around and I did something dumb and just sent him a text saying “hi” and he replied and I said “I thought we had plans to hang out today?” and he told me how we did and that when he went home from finals he napped and he was sorry and how he has to mow his grandma’s grass and then we can meet up. And also how he’s hanging out with his friend Cody that day too. I replied with how I thought he said he wasn’t busy the day before when we made plans to hang out and I wasn’t sure if it’d be just me and him and I mentioned how if his friend would be there too it’d be nice though. He told me how originally he wasn’t busy but the kid asked him so he said sure. Well at what point did his other friend text him to ask? I don’t know... but I’d presume earlier that day cause when I asked my ex if he was busy it was later at night the day before. So my ex never texted me that day so I did to see what was up. I remember him saying he was going to mow his grandma’s grass and then we could meet up, but I suggested how if he was driving to his grandma’s then he could possibly pick me up on the way, he could mow the lawn, and we could hang out from then and he replied with “Jackie it’s a Friday we have all day lol”... All day? At this point it was 3:40 the day was like half gone... I told him how I was just trying to suggest possible ways to meet up. I felt like he was just kind of being a jerk about the whole thing.

 

I honestly thought he forgot or was going to not text me at all and just go and hang out with his other friend instead.

 

I just, he has to know what it’s REALLY like with out me. Did I mention how when we were talking about the break up I asked "do you ever look back on what we had or how things were and miss them? Or miss me at all?" and he said "I do look back, and it was all really nice! But Jackie I am here with you now"... He's taking me for granted that I am still around. I need to just totally move on, it’s not even worth it and I just wind up getting frustrated anyway nearly every time I try.

[the dude91]

Thanks for your input Mizz. We got in another argument early this morning, I got pissed off that she was replying to his messages and asked to go see him because I guess he started saying suicidal things (they only dated for a month WTH??) So she's worried that he might actually do something. My reasoning was that he didn't do anything when his last ex cheated on him and such so why would he now? So we didn't talk for a few more hours and then I apologized for being so angry, even though I had every right to be and she said I did too and I had nothing to be sorry about. Then everything became fine for another few hours until she asked again to see him, this time she asks for just 10 minutes. Then she asks if I know how it feels again to lose a best friend and I had to remind her about my brother so yes I did. I hesitate and realize I can't keep trying to control this, like my uncle said a woman's always going to do what she wants to do (no offense). So I just said fine okay, but I didn't want her coming back with doubts about us again like he was just getting in her head and I explained to her how different she is whenever she sees him. That neither I nor her family know who she is anymore. And surprisingly she decides against going to see him, I was shocked, stunned whatever after hearing her say that when she came and sat in my lap saying it giving me kisses saying she loves me etc... not sure what to think about everything now, I'm trying my hardest not to over analyze...

 

But yeah Mizz, I don't feel he's had enough time to miss you enough yet, it's like he's trying to keep you on the back burner which isn't fair at all for you. NC, make him miss you and reevaluate everything more. You are an amazing person from what I can tell, he'll realise it soon enough but you shouldn't wait around and/or hope on it, go out and have fun like you were, I feel the less you think about them the faster they come back. That was my case at least.

[Mizz]

She asked to see him? They did only date for a month, yet she’s concerned for his safety still, she must have a big heart though this guys was abusive and just all around toxic. He might just be telling her those things to make her feel guilted into seeing him. It’s normal you became angry because you’re trying to protect her from this guy and somehow she’s still been sucked into what he’s saying. She really wanted to see him and you can’t control her. You and I and everyone probably couldn’t understand why she is so attached despite it only being one month and him being abusive but that’s the thing, abusive relationships often are manipulative as well. But she actually didn’t see him? I’d be confused too after all the asking she did regarding that, though maybe it’s better id she didn’t for her own sake. Try not to over analyze anything and just be happy that she’s safe and with you. Arguments may pop up, but I’ve been told many times and I believe too that “if it’s meant to be it will be” even despite little disputes here and there in the process.

 

I don’t think he’s had enough time to completely miss me either. I told him when we talked about the relationship when I last saw him (I guess it was like an argument though I was the one most frustrated at first) I told him I didn’t want to be strung along or feel that way. He told me I wasn’t being strung along but how he acts like he still cares and everything else has only confused me which I told him I don’t want.

 

I remember when we first met up that day, he was talking about that game Skyrim that he and I like. He was randomly like “Oh, in Skyrim I am getting married” (since in the game you can do that) he was like “Some redheaded girl in the game approached me and asked if I had interest” (and it’s not like you play online with other real people, it’s just like in the computer/programming or preset or whatever you’d call it) and he said “I thought ‘wow that’s fast no dating or anything’ and in the game she asked so we are getting married in the game.” and I just thought why the f.uck is he telling me this? To make me jealous or something? and also thought “wow, he can maintain a fake relationship with some made up character and want to commit to a game character but not in reality to ME” I just said “married?” an he said “Yeah! The ceremony is about to happen if you’d want to watch it”... Uhmm. No thanks, I’d rather not watch that. It’s just a game, but WHY THE HELL WOULD HE EVEN BRING THAT UP? Like to make me jealous or? I don't even know.

 

I don’t mind talking to him and haven’t minded. I had never been frustrated til that last time I saw him (just the fact that I had no idea if we were still even hanging out that day, the interest in me yet not as interested in me, the sort of argument we had that day). I just thought about how if we are just “best friends”, after being romantically involved for 2 years... it’s like disregarding the whole relationship, everything we had/felt then as if it’s no big deal, cause I had loved him a lot and cared a lot and thought he felt the same. So the friends thing had mixed feelings of “ok, our relationship wasn’t perfect so it’s fine” and also “but wait, like I loved him and now it’s JUST friends, it feels odd?”... I mean I accepted it’s over, I respected it. I didn’t think our relationship was as great those last few weeks too, but of course I am the kind of person who always liked things to be worked out.

 

It seems like when it comes to what's appropriate to do now that we aren't dating, we are almost confused. We haven't kissed or done anything intimate/close since. But he'll still almost grab my hand when we start walking around and then play it off like he wasn't just about to. Then at one point we were playing a game on xbox, we were running around a map in the game and he pulled an electric barrier as I was running behind him and purposely killed me (since we were joking around before that in the game with stuff like that, like "oh don't die!" we were teasing each other, which we also had done before when dating) and he revived me and he was like "Jackie! Come on! PLEASE! Help me!" with killing off the zombies for that round but I jokingly just sat there with my arms crossed and then let him die lol. In a situation like that with dying in a game (if he caused it) normally before if we were dating I would have gotten closer to his face in a joking manner to tease him a bit, or wrestled, but I sort of sat there cause I thought "well getting closer or wrestling would be inappropriate wouldn't it?"... So... yeah? I mean? But ahh. haha

 

I can’t hope or sit here waiting for him though, I won’t. The night I last saw him didn’t end on a totally bad note. It kind of turned around a bit despite me being a little quiet and feeling a little awkward deep down, it calmed down between us. I haven’t talked to him since he took me home that night. Either way I am not going to contact him.

[the dude91]

Yeah she has a really big heart... always putting others before herself, crying over someone that passes away even if she only met them once... she's very caring which was what confused me even more with how cold she treated me when she broke up with me. I just know that once her and that guy started hanging out more she started to change and become different. I think me mentioning it may have made her think about it a bit more, and maybe not. But yeah he was definitely trying to manipulate her and I know the suicide thing had to be just a guilt thing to get her to talk to him because up until he mentioned stuff like that she was ignoring him. He's been more pathetic than I ever was the past almost 4 years I've been with her... I just want to keep her safe and happy... I don't feel like we HAVE to be together as long as she's not around him, being with her now is just a nice big plus. But she does miss me terribly whenever I'm not around, actually at the moment I can't remember the last time we haven't been around each other, it's almost like we live together, but I feel like a red flag has gone up. Today she was telling me that now she'd only sleep if she were wrapped in my arms at night... I'm sure I'm just over thinking and being over scared of the "honeymoon stage" being over a lot faster because of how attached we're becoming so fast...

 

But that is really strange he'd talk about marriage on Skyrim and trying to get you to watch it... amazing game by the way, I'm a big gamer myself. But anyways it's good you didn't wrestle him after that last time you two played, I'm sure that got him thinking and missing it and I'm sure it was something he was looking for and wanted it, I wish I could get my gf to play games but she'd rather read. Haha. BUT YES, REMAIN NC. But keep in mind it's not really for him, it's for yourself and your own power. Him missing you is just a plus as I'm sure you've already read over and over if you're anything like me and do way too much research on things. But I'm still stuck on that Skyrim thing... it's just so odd... I don't think there was really any intentional plans on it it just sort came up while you were there oddly... don't dwell on it though, focus on school, work and yourself. Do lots of push ups!!

[Mizz]

She sounds like a really sweet girl. The coldness associated with the break up might have been a way for her to disassociate a bit from the situation. Even for dumpers it’s hard for them too. Which I thought about but never realized. My ex broke up with me, when I last saw him/talked about everything that happened he told me “you know, it was really hard for me too!” (meaning ending it) so I am sure she was a bit distant because she was also going through her own emotions. You’re just trying to protect her from this guy. He does sound pathetic and I have a strong distaste for abusive people so I am glad you have been trying your best since you mentioned how protective you are. She may have said the sleeping thing to be “cute” though if you’re afraid of things dying out fast or moving too fast you could talk to her about it? But try not to overanalyze things. If they are going well and are happy then enjoy them!

 

Yeah like does that make any sense? Can anyone like fathom why he even mentioned getting married to some random character/watching that in the game? I didn’t know if it was to make me jealous or w.tf lol. It is an amazing game though! I am a big gamer too, I love COD, Halo, Skyrim, all the LOTR games, MWF, Gears, I could go on forever. I don’t know if he was looking for me to actually wrestle him he just kind of sat there as I controlled myself. I looked at him after shutting the game off and said “you killed me!” he sort of like smirked and tilted his head up as if to say “well what are you going to do about it. you can’t do anything!” like in a playful way, I know the faces he makes so of course he didn’t say anything but I just knew it was that “HAHA you can’t do anything about it!” tease type face that he always did. I said to him “I am not going to do anything despite you actually purposely killing me, despite all this energy from it, wrestling would be inappropriate now anyway” and he just said “oh, sorry”. I don’t know if he actually would have wanted to. If anything I thought it would have freaked him out as if I was some crazy ex gf or something if I would have been all over him.

 

Though it’s weird in the few times we hugged when greeting or a couple random hugs since we’ll pull away from the hug and he’ll still just kind of look into my eyes til I look away. I don’t get it. t’s just strange sometimes haha.

[the dude91]

Yeah, so I made a big mistake this morning of going through her phone and boy was I shocked to see what was in her messages... nothing of him talking suicidal, in fact it was of him calling her baby and how much she means to him and such... and on top of it all she had the messages locked so that they couldn't be deleted... now I feel every time she tells me that she loves me so much and this that and the other is all just lies. Whatever trust I was starting to have for her is lost... I didn't see her call him any pet names back but still... and then she swore to me (our way of getting total truth and honesty out of each other) that she'd never want to date him again after seeing the road that took her... and she said she didn't believe that he wouldn't try to make any advances on her but then said she didn't want to talk about it anymore... I'm about to walk out the door on this one...

[Mizz]

Snooping is never good! Not only is it a sign of mistrust but also for the fact that what you could find may hurt you. In this case what you found shocked/hurt you. There's a dilemma when it comes to snooping, bring it up and it causes a whole argument and shows you broke any sort of trust you were trying to rebuild, don't mention it and then it festers in your mind therefore REALLY bothering you.

 

She lied about him being suicidal? She's vulnerable I suppose from having to completely let him go (or attempt to) but not having him in her life is only safer and better for her. So if he's calling her things like baby she might be still sort of sucked into that attention from him even though it's toxic. But he was calling her pet names and she didn't call him anything in return, unless she felt obligated to talk to him just to be "nice"? You never actually know, and now it's a tricky situation.

 

It's hard to say, this guy has known to be manipulative though, she wasn't responding with pet names which I'd say is at least a positive sign. She locked the messages for, well who knows, maybe to read over them? Or again maybe some comfort in his kind words. But you can't read her mind, but you've read her messages. Even so she's still trying to get over him. Even if he was abusive and even if it was only a short amount of time it still will take some time. Unless she starts replying to him with pet names and sneaks off to see him. But this is all still very stressful for you, I know it can be discouraging. Deep down I think you know what you'd feel is best. Try and evaluate how you feel, but try not to overanalyze, I know it's harder to trust but now that snooping is involved it just completely makes everything more confusing for the time being.

 

Only time will tell. And don't snoop anymore

[the dude91]

Yeah, I'll admit I didn't trust her completely after all that happened and I found out that my intuition was correct... I know she locked them to re read them and I definitely won't snoop anymore... like you said before if it was meant to be then it'll be. I'll just choose to be ignorant because ignorance is bliss right? And just hope for the best and keep doing what I've been doing. She seems genuinely happier, I just hope I can keep it that way. She also gave me back a promise ring she got me awhile ago today... I just hope this is a sign of me just over analyzing things and everything is fine between us.

[Mizz]

Ignorance is certainly bliss. If it was meant to be it will. I always say "proceed with caution" though never over analyze. If things seem to be going well for you enjoy them!

 

On the other hand, I did something I probably shouldn't have and now feel kind of dumb. I texted him, just a simple text saying "hey Nick!" an hour and a half later still no reply. He's never ignored me before. He could be busy, there could be a ton of reasons why he hasn't replied but I can't think too hard about it. It shouldn't matter if he doesn't reply. But it feels a little odd cause it never happened before and it's been days sine we even talked, and he poked me back on FB earlier, so... I don't know.

[the dude91]

If he doesn't reply by tomorrow is when the wondering would come, right now he could be napping like last time or he really could be busy. I know at first when my ex/gf didn't reply I just went to the gym to take my mind off it. Have to say going to the gym 6 days a week really helps relieve stress, worries and thoughts such as this. It also gives the ex a little more to consider. My ex did. ;-)

 

But don't text him again, I read somewhere on here that once you do try to contact them then the ball is in their court, let it be there and continue doing things that make you happy. He'll come around and when he does you should be a little more mentally prepared meaning trying not to be as frustrated which I know first hand is tough.

[Mizz]

I totally messed up... again. First with bringing up the relationship last time we saw each other and how I reacted to that and now days later with this whole texting thing. I was fine until I realized that he wasn't napping or that busy or anything because he was online and liked someone's status update, 3 hours after my text. So I sent something again, here's where I messed up saying "ok or not XD I was just being nice" and then another 20 mins goes by, I get nothing in return. I was totally dumb and sent... yes... another... message... oh god help me... this is the worst yet...saying "I don't understand why you're ignoring me all the sudden? I just wanted to be nice and keep things friendly between us and talk". WOW do I feel like a jack.ass...

 

He's just never ignored me before so I don't understand. So I really just have to let this one go, not contact him anymore. I don't think I could mess this up anymore than I already have. I don't think it can even turn around... I've sort of given up at this point.

[the dude91]

Hey Mizz, just wanted to stop by and check on you, hope all is well and getting better.

[Mizz]

I haven’t heard from him all week since that. Aside from a random poke on facebook yesterday (though that’s nothing), which he didn’t even poke back all week either except yesterday, though I ignored that. I haven’t heard directly from him though. I was contemplating congratulating him for graduating today. But then I decided NOT to text him.

 

Though I texted his mother saying “Hi Ro! Congrats to Nick for graduating. I am sure you’re very proud. Tell him I said congratulations and she replied back with a picture of Nick attached in his cap and gown saying “thanks sweetie. he said thanks. wish you were there with us. there were a lot of screaming cheers from families. they messed it up for others. Hope to see you soon”. and then I said “And his hair is still cut nicely for graduation XD aww, it would have been nice to be there I’m sure. they tend to mess up some names every year it seems. Last year they said my brother and I’s last name wrong too it was awkward haha. Hope to see you guys soon too” and she asked if I had talked to Nick and I said “I had tried talking to Nick earlier this week, Monday. though he hadn’t gotten back to me. I figured he was possibly busy” and then she replied with “he had some things going on for graduation. He was also helping my dad with moving some stuff in the basement. hopefully he will text you soon.” and then I said “the week before graduation is always busy. it goes fast though! its always nice how he’s always been willing to help out family though. it shows having a big heart XD” and she replied with “he is good to his grandparents. thanks for your good wishes...” and I said “you’re welcome and she replied with a smiley face and then that was it.

 

I have been playing it by ear, not getting anxious and not anticipating anything at this point. His mother was being nice, misses me most likely if she wished I could have been there and that she hopes to see me soon. I understand if he’s been busy this week, but it kinda bugged me that he’s had time to go on facebook this week and post things there yet still hadn’t even gotten back to me. Though even when we were dating he’d tell me how he never liked texting a lot, how he only would cause he knew I liked to. So idk. Nick hasn’t texted me still, was on facebook briefly again today, but he knows I was nice/congratulated him at least. He can reach out when he wants. If he never does then oh well. I just would hate to keep trying to reach out to him, so after this congrats that’s it. Reaching out anymore on my behalf, it’d be seemingly ridiculous. He could show some effort too, I had already tried a lot/enough here haha. So I guess I’d just see what happens. I don’t expect ever getting back together at this point, he’s just not in the right mindset anyway and wouldn’t suggest it that I’d foresee anytime soon if at all. I don’t mind though, after again not talking for a week I see it’s better as over, it’s been too idiotic/crazy. I had just wanted to at least keep in touch a bit though. But if it is more like I’d never hear from him again then so be it. I can’t predict what’d happen but I can’t be sad/bummed any more at this point. Cause I had tried to be nice and had done what I could. Now it’s time to stop trying and see what happens/live life.

[Donovan79]

Ach, the family stuff is tough. Try to stay away from that, though. It's not fair to him to get his parents/siblings/friends involved. Sadly you have to let them go too.

[Mizz]

I know it means letting his family go too, they were nice people but it only makes things more complicated.

I don't mind talking to his mom it doesn't cause me any sort of pain or sadness though. His mom and I were close but we never talked frequently anyway. At least for the time being if he isn't even talking to me it's best to just not talk to any of them.

 

IF he ever wants to talk he knows where to find me. I am finished trying. I've just been living my life in the week+ now that we haven't talked. Each day I don't care more and more what happens. I remember at first I thought "I just want to talk to him!" now it doesn't phase me. Though he's poking me on facebook and liking some of the things I post which doesn't make any sense. Anyone understand why he hasn't responded to me yet is still doing subtle things online? I'm just curious since to me it doesn't make too much sense. I haven't let it bother me though.

[the dude91]

Although I wouldn't really know what his intentions are I'd try not to think about it too much. Hope for the best but expect the worse. Just keep living life like you have been doing, he'll eventually come back around but it should be with his effort not yours. You did what you could which was more than you should've, he needs to put some effort back in.

[Mizz]

It's just odd. And I've said it many times before but very discouraging. Before he'd talk and now just won't respond yet will "poke" me on facebook and like some things I post. it doesn't make any sense though I haven't been looking too much into it. I'd assume he MIGHT eventually come back around too. But I can't put any more effort into it and haven't since. I already tried enough, more than a lot of people would. Hell, I should have just left it all behind when the BU first happened. But I had just cared a lot, it had been 2 yrs of my life with him. I couldn't forget that easily. After totally realizing that no matter what he doesn't want a relationship now, his mind won't change about that, there's nothing I could do, but I was accepting. I just at least had wanted to keep in touch.

 

Though this doesn't make much sense, none of it had, though this really is just confusing, it's really not even worth it. I don't deserve to be ignored if I had been trying to be nice, more than what I should have been/done in the first place. As each day passes where he doesn't talk to me, the more discouraged I get and the farther away I feel, the less I feel attached, the less I miss him, the less I think "It would still be nice to be with him". It's like I think of me and him together and I just can't even imagine it anymore, it doesn't feel "right" anymore. It's odd cause he's still poking me on facebook, still acknowledging me on there, yet him not responding to my attempts to talk through text is like the icing on this "cake". Which isn't necessarily a bad thing cause it makes it easier to just keep moving on in my life.

 

*** and actually as I finished typing this he literally just texted me... I am ignoring it.

[Mizz]

Earlier I had already had an “I am done trying” attitude, was in the car with my friends and was thinking. I thought about how being with him doesn’t even seem/feel right anymore anyway, I just can’t imagine it anymore. My feelings seemed to have miraculously changed towards him. By some MIRACLE I no longer actually want to try and pursue him. It turns out that him not talking gave me time to reflect, I realized he’s just really immature and can be a bit of a jerk sometimes. I don’t deserve to be ignored and I deserve way better all around.

 

Anyway, so he contacted me. I ignored it at first, then eventually thought “eh. what the hell I really just don’t care what happens” and replied cause it’s been a week and I was curious what he had to say. he told me he hadn’t talked to me because “well last time you started yelling so I was like ummm XD so yeah” Then I explained how it was confusing cause he was online yet not responding to me so I didn’t know what to think of it. He told me it was ok and we continued talking. OMG, it was seriously the most boring conversation I’ve ever had. And I don’t know why, it was casual and friendly like any other conversation we had before, though I think my new disinterest in him has sparked something in me that just feels like he’s now boring to even talk to.

 

I told him what’s happened in the time we haven’t talked, he told me what he’s been doing which included seeing friends. I told him what I did since last time we talked how when I was with my friends I bought this HUGE thing of candy and was walking around with huge eyes and asking people if they wanted a peppermint patty, I mentioned how everyone thought it was cute. And all he said was “aww hehe” and I replied with “man of many words XD” and then like 2 seconds later he sends me a picture... of himself. It was a picture of him in his cap/gown for graduation. He looked like... his face was... he looked (and I am not kidding) just almost scared or lost or unsure in his expression and he was pointing up into the sky. I just replied with “aww, all graduated. well congrats again for finishing high school” and he was all “thanks. I won’t miss it one bit” and we talked about college, how I want to meet more people as in friends this year and he said the same. Then I mentioned the weather’s been nice cause he wasn’t saying too much and I didn’t know what to talk about. Then he said he was tired and we said good night. I last said to him “good night and hey don’t be a stranger you can always text me whenever you want XD” I said it to be nice, though wouldn’t mind talking to him. But honestly, I am serious when I say I don’t care if he does.

 

I don’t hate him but I am not like attracted to him anymore. It’s like this week just totally made my feelings change. People told me how him not responding to me might be a good thing, I think it really was. If this was 2 weeks ago I would have been so happy to talk to him, thought the conversation or at least any type of reply from him would have been good/like so exciting. this time, it wasn’t exciting, it was boring. Though it was typical of like any other time we had talked before, it’s just my mindset’s different now on how I see him/feel about him. But I think it’s a really good thing, for my own sake. The whole week was so discouraging, everything he’s also previously liked/commented on facebook since our break up on those practically porn sites had always been kind of weird/gross in my opinion (idk why, cause I know other guys do that sometimes, but the amount he’s liked since has just rubbed me the wrong way, came accross as just really unappealing), then him not talking to me really just further/totally killed anything I felt. I tried so hard and just it's not worth it anymore. I think it’s what I needed to just kinda set myself in the true path of forgetting him and eventually finding a better guy to be with.