Heidern Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 We've been broken up for about 9 months now. She "started" her new relationship at some point last month, same guy she was having romantic conversations with while we were still together. So, last we talked was February, a week or so before Valentine's. I called her up to make a peace offering -despite her being the one who asked me or a break and then ultimately blamed me for the demise of our relationship after an extremely painful 4 months of stringing me along- and we left it at that. At that point she didn't acknowledge she was in a relationship (she was trying to hide it from everyone) and said she couldn't be my friend since there were some things she needed to get over (as though as I was the one who left her for someone else). Here we are, some 3+ months of NC and she decides to 1) unblock me from Facebook and 2) join a conversation I was having with a mutual friend (who seems to be having some unrelated issues with her). She states her opinion on the matter, acting all high and mighty as though as she was preaching to the masses. Fine, I don't care. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions. I stepped out of the conversation and left it at that. About half an hour later she gives me a call. I don't answer it, opted to go eat with my brother instead and left my phone at home. I get home and about half and hour later see I got a massive text from her. Here's what it said (rough translation): Hey hope you're doing OK! I just wanted to talk to you about a few things but I guess you're really busy so don't worry! I just wanted you to know that I had blocked you not because I had an issue with your new relationship, on the contrary I'm glad you're happy! I did it so that we could both move on with our lives without any problems and out of respect for our current partners! But since I don't want any misunderstandings I lifted the block OK? Before I'd get hurt knowing that you were saying things against me but the truth is that now that doesn't really bother me, I know who I am, I know who I wanna be, and I'm happy. I hope you are happy too! Take care Now keep in mind I never posted anything against her on Facebook, just lots of motivational quotes, some positive thoughts and random funny stuff. I never really looked at her things either, just had her off my feed and that was that. When I did vent to some mutual friends (5?) I only told 3 of them the whole story, because it was the truth and I needed to vent. I'm pretty sure these friends never brought anything up with her, but I guess in her head I was constantly bashing her to all of our friends. Anyway, even if this had been the case, I believe I was within my right to do so. She left me for someone else, kept me on a string while she "recovered" and figured out what she wanted, then proceeded to exclude me out of her life. Anyway, since I talked to her around February about burying the hatchet, should I respond to this message at all? It sounds as though as she's still trying to keep control of the situation (if there is such a thing) by saying "oh I didn't block you because I was angry but rather because I moved on and was concerned with your feelings"? It's almost as though as she's still in denial about what she did, not recognizing that she's the one who talked to some other dude behind my back and actively ditched me to pursue that "friendship." Now, I'm over these events, I'm not planning on bringing them up... So what's the point of replying "Oh yeah it's all good"? To help her relieve her conscience (if she has one)? She's happy, so why bother thinking about how I see her at this point? She's still trying to blame me for things even at this stage (i.e. being hurt over the imaginary things I said). What gives? Another very strange thing is that I just noticed her boyfriend has me blocked. Why even bother? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JA0371 Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Wow...I would completely ignore her text...seriously. Like you said..why bother??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 I would ignore it too. Sounds very condescending to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidern Posted May 22, 2012 Author Share Posted May 22, 2012 Surely she must understand the way she ended things was absolutely messed up? I believe I am allowed to say whatever it is that I wanna say about her, though I've chosen not to do so publicly. The relationship wasn't working for her (wasn't for me either but I wanted to stay and work through things like an adult), so she goes ahead and prepares her exit plan with this guy, keeps me in limbo for several months (I'm guilty for being part of it), cuts off all contact with me, and still wants a cookie? Bad girl. Bad girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambert Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Hi Heidern All the other responses are male. So I am going to give a female perspective... IGNORE IT. First, she ends it, then she blocks, now she's back. for whatever reason it is probably not working with the other guy. Or simply she is not getting enough attention. So her little game is, now, to lure you into her little web and make the new guy crazy. It takes a lot of BALLS to reply on your conversation, then start calling and texting like you OWE her. She is happy, good. Let her be. You sound like you are doing fine on your own and frankly, who needs the drama. I really liked what you said about-- why let her off the hook by saying it's all good. And what now you are supposed to? defend anything you said in confidence to a friend after she BROKE YOUR HEART??? Oh, so now she gets to be the victim. PPPPlease. She just needs some attention or a guy to help her play her current guy. Silence is golden... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JA0371 Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 I am not male lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JA0371 Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 But I agree with you ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambert Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 I am not male lol Sorry!! I missed your post.. xoxox Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidern Posted May 22, 2012 Author Share Posted May 22, 2012 I heard something similar today, that she probably needs help playing her boyfriend. If she's all happy and dandy, why would she even bother mentioning it to the guy she destroyed months ago? All of a sudden she seems interested in what I think of her Facebook behavior, as though as I had nothing better to do than sit home hitting refresh on her profile all day. It's like she still needs to be the center of the Universe... My friend said she most likely believes that I'm talking trash about her, which coincided with the fact they were having issues and when I happened to dish out some random generic advice she figured I was talking about her. I think she's got some serious self-esteem issues... Ignored. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambert Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 That is a good point... I would sometimes ruin into a ex-ex and I was in a new relationship. I never once mentioned to the ex-ex, oh I am happy. It was obvious. Good for you. WINNING!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 No. What do you gain? Move on and block! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidern Posted May 22, 2012 Author Share Posted May 22, 2012 That is a good point... I would sometimes ruin into a ex-ex and I was in a new relationship. I never once mentioned to the ex-ex, oh I am happy. It was obvious. Good for you. WINNING!! Exactly. No need to say you're this or that... She picked a fight with my friend over some church-related stuff, and it's kinda sad to watch her give advice as though as she is Mother Teresa or something. If only people knew what she did and how she talks trash about pretty much everyone, but there she is trying to display the good Christian girl she is... I also laugh at how she mentions in the text that she didn't want to see my things out of respect for her new boyfriend... Where was that a couple of months back? Is this the same guy with whom she had an emotional affair while she was still with me? He didn't seem to mind back then... LOL Ok, ok. End of my rant. I'm off the failboat. Thanks for the advice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidern Posted May 22, 2012 Author Share Posted May 22, 2012 So now she's disregarding the fact that I ignored her and just sent me a Facebook friend request. The hell... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JA0371 Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 So now she's disregarding the fact that I ignored her and just sent me a Facebook friend request. The hell... Wow....and if you refuse it she'll likely resort to calling YOU immature lol.....sounds like she thinks she's doing you a favor by contacting you. I would ignore her completely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mixhot Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 i like this post. its helped me too . thanks Labert Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Divine010 Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 She is definitely an attention seeker! Silence is golden..wow she really is sweating you Heid! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidern Posted May 22, 2012 Author Share Posted May 22, 2012 It's likely that she'll think I'm bitter, but that's not my problem now, is it? My life is no longer about her. If all she wants is the attention then she ain't getting it from me. She didn't seem to care months ago when I tried to establish a friendship (thankfully, because I wasn't ready for it!) and now all of a sudden she wants us to be cool again? No way. That didn't work in the past, and it's not going to work now that she's got a boyfriend. Let him and her friends give her all the attention she needs! Tempting, but... Ignored. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambert Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Wow... she is getting desperate for your attention. It is actually kind of fun to have the shoe on the other foot. Good for you for ignoring it. It's almost annoying how bold she can be but like you said, when you were reaching out, she couldn't be bothered. Glad you get to see how lame she really is.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidern Posted May 22, 2012 Author Share Posted May 22, 2012 Wow... she is getting desperate for your attention. It is actually kind of fun to have the shoe on the other foot. Good for you for ignoring it. It's almost annoying how bold she can be but like you said, when you were reaching out, she couldn't be bothered. Glad you get to see how lame she really is.... She's a walking contradiction. The day she becomes a single mature young lady is the day I'll start talking to her again. In other words, never. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabrielle84 Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 So now she's disregarding the fact that I ignored her and just sent me a Facebook friend request. The hell... Wow..she does act like a child who's not getting the attention she craves, kind of sad and pathetic. Good for you for ignoring her. Dont respond thinking that if you dont she will think you are bitter or anything. Deep inside all she is thinking is that you truly moved on, are busy, and have no time for her games while she is probably unsatisfied and perhaps even unhappy (people who are truly happy have no need to rub it in anyone's face like that, with an out of the blue, totally uncalled-for comment). Your indiference is hurting her ego tremendously, good job! Keep it up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambert Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Wow..she does act like a child who's not getting the attention she craves, kind of sad and pathetic. Good for you for ignoring her. Dont respond thinking that if you dont she will think you are bitter or anything. Deep inside all she is thinking is that you truly moved on, are busy, and have no time for her games while she is probably unsatisfied and perhaps even unhappy (people who are truly happy have no need to rub it in anyone's face like that, with an out of the blue, totally uncalled-for comment). Your indiference is hurting her ego tremendously, good job! Keep it up And!! This got me thinking about does it hurt the average dumper and if/when they think we've truly moved on? Does it make them feel dumb that the dumpee got the last word, get bored with the situation and ultimately never contact you again? Because truly if the person has selfish motives-- ego, game playing and such-- we want them to never contact us again. On the other hand, I think honestly, if they have some kind of decent honorable intention toward you, wouldn't maintaining NC and giving the impression of moving on, flush that out? It's a win- win!! In this particular case, we all agree she is a nut. But I think it's possible to reconcile and have it work out. Not probable but possible. lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidern Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 Wow..she does act like a child who's not getting the attention she craves, kind of sad and pathetic. Good for you for ignoring her. Dont respond thinking that if you dont she will think you are bitter or anything. Deep inside all she is thinking is that you truly moved on, are busy, and have no time for her games while she is probably unsatisfied and perhaps even unhappy (people who are truly happy have no need to rub it in anyone's face like that, with an out of the blue, totally uncalled-for comment). Your indiference is hurting her ego tremendously, good job! Keep it up She's still trying to validate her decisions, still not owning up to her poor choices and acting as though as she's doing a good deed here. Tell you what, not to sound like a * * * * or anything but she's quickly becoming less and less attractive to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidern Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 And!! This got me thinking about does it hurt the average dumper and if/when they think we've truly moved on? Does it make them feel dumb that the dumpee got the last word, get bored with the situation and ultimately never contact you again? Because truly if the person has selfish motives-- ego, game playing and such-- we want them to never contact us again. On the other hand, I think honestly, if they have some kind of decent honorable intention toward you, wouldn't maintaining NC and giving the impression of moving on, flush that out? It's a win- win!! In this particular case, we all agree she is a nut. But I think it's possible to reconcile and have it work out. Not probable but possible. lol. It's a win-win situation because I'm well on my way to getting myself back. I've done lots of thinking on my own and have already thought about some of the things I need to improve so that I can live better and have healthier relationships. As for getting her back... Well, never say never right? (Even though I did say that in one of my previous posts) It's not what I want right now, and even if the opportunity came up I don't think I'm ready for it yet. I'm dating someone else and so far things have been great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidern Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 And now she's blocked me. Again. Probably forever guys... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabrielle84 Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 And now she's blocked me. Again. Probably forever guys... The equivalent of a temper tantrum for not getting what she wants. Aww. Consider yourself lucky for not having her in your life anymore. You're a man who needs a woman, not a girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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